Can’t snap out of resentment

[ktld20]

I’ve name changed for this one because I 100% know I’m being unreasonable but I don’t know how to snap out of it. I can’t say this to anyone in real life so I’m hoping getting it all out on here will help (and people can tell me I’m an idiot 😂)

I’m late 20’s and for the longest time all I’ve wanted is to settle down and have a family. I have the worst luck in relationships, tried online dating and also had no luck and this whole covid thing and restrictions haven’t helped. I’m a nice person (I think!) so I can’t work out what I’m doing wrong for it to not happen for me. Even my dad has started saying I should prepare to be alone because it doesn’t happen for everyone 🙄 I’ve worked hard to get a good career yet that’s went a bit down the pan recently due to covid and I’ve had to use the money I’d spent years saving for a house deposit to survive through the last few months. I’ve reached the point where I just feel like I do everything right and the worlds conspiring against me.

I’m at the age now where friends are announcing engagements and pregnancies and every time I go on social media it’s like there’s another announcement. I’m happy for them of course, but I can’t help but resent them for what they have. The final straw this week was my sister announcing her pregnancy “because they didn’t particularly want another child but had nothing else to do during lockdown” and just this morning a close friend who has been very vocal since school about never wanting kids because of over population and societal pressures on woman has just announced she’s pregnant. I know that not everyone has the happy life they portray on social media but as much as I try to rationalise it I can’t help but be frustrated at everything and just to top it off last week I got diagnosed with a condition that’ll make it hard if not impossible to fall pregnant on the off change I do ever meet anyone 😖

Anyone else ever just get super frustrated with life?! I know I should be thankful I have health and a supportive close family but I’m really starting to feel at the end of my tether

Met when 28 had a child and Married by 30.
Please don't give up hope.

If you have the worst luck in relationships, fix that. You aren't old. Better to spend a year working out why you struggle in relationships than waste more years with it not working.

I met my husband in my mid 30s we have a child. Don't panic on that count. Take a break from SM, take some time to look after yourself now and then when you're feeling stronger tackle where to next for you. Best wishes op

You're still young. Your dad is probably of a generation when people got married quite young. It's pretty normal to still be single in your twenties. Enjoy your freedom

Tbh yesterday there was a similar post and I do not understand why the resentment? That is not very nice but at least you are honest.However, I think if you take a positive approach and make the most of what you have now. You will probably have more changes of attracting someone as you will project happiness. Keep busy, take on hobbies, embrace life you will see it gets better.

Take it from me women very often feel like you but being married and having kids is very hard and not for everybody anyway. My single friends are the happiest women I know amongst many people. Once they passed the clock ticking period they feel happier being independent and feel great. I really say this from my heart. Have a healthy happy life!

Married 33, baby 35, separated 37....

Live your life, be happy, if it happens for you then wonderful, if not life is still for living. Enjoy it.

I got married at 35, had first child at 36. Stop stressing and enjoy what you do have, and remember - comparison is the thief of joy.

@PolaDeVeboise

I got married at 35, had first child at 36. Stop stressing and enjoy what you do have, and remember - comparison is the thief of joy.

What a brilliant quote and so very spot on.

You have plenty of time. I met my partner at 27 - been together 20+ years now. When I look back it seems incredible to me that I was so young! If you’d asked me in early 1998 I’d have said I had appalling luck in relationships and was probably doomed never to find anybody. And then I met DP and my luck changed. Try not to worry. And I hope 2021 is a better year for you - this one has been an absolute bugger.

I was widowed at 32. I married my husband at 34 and had our baby at 36, you never know what's around the corner. You just really can't let it consume you. Be happy for those around you otherwise you're straying into 'wishing misery on your loved ones' territory. Them being happy shouldn't make you less happy, it should make you happy for them. That needs working on. Don't give up! It'll happen for you when you least expect it, or at least when you don't try so hard for it. Best of luck.

Resentment will cost you in terms of future relationships. Either you'll come across as bitter, or you'll meet and stay with people you're not suited to, because you so much don't want to be single.

Learn to enjoy being single. Bear in mind that not all the relationships you see are making the couple happy, nor will they all be together/happy in 10 years or even 5. You have plenty of time to get to know yourself more, and then make a solid relationship, and have kids if you want to (possibly by less traditional means)

You might meet your dream partner tomorrow in the street. You just never know.

I understand how you feel. I was married at 29 and divorced by 32 (he left for someone else). I never managed to find another partner, I'm now 45 and it's too late for a child of my own and I haven't tried to date for years. I understand that stab of pain when someone meets someone or announces they are pregnant, especially people you never thought would do that, leaving you feeling even more alone. I don't show it to those people, and few but very close fiends know how I feel, but it's a deep-seated sadness that I can't magic away.

But I would want you to know two things. Firstly, you are easily young enough to meet someone if you make it your priority. I didn't for a number of reasons, but I know plenty of people who did. It's a numbers game at the end of the day and you have to work hard at it. Time will also go quicker than you think.

The second is that even if you didn't meet anyone or have a family, it gets easier. The sadness never entirely goes away, but if you focus on what you do have and live the life you've been given to the fullest (knowing many people who have what you think you want find they didn't want it after all!) then there is meaning and joy to be found and it hurts less. You can't do everything in life, and having a family does close some doors.

Delete Social Media .. you'll feel better instantly

Yep.

I haven't met anyone since my ex who was a fucking nightmare. I've completely given up on the chance of having a relationship. I did have 1 kid with my ex and 2 more as a single woman. So that's lovely.(truthfully...not sarcasm)

But... My eldest has mental health issues that make our home life awful. All of my adult family is dead so I have absolutely no support system. I lost a significant amount of friends when my mom died and my kid started lashing out and I wasn't coping well. Then within the past 10 days, I lost a lawsuit against the sellers of my house for hiding issues with it (and fixing this issues ate up all of my savings) and lost my job of 20 years. A job that I got into instead of getting an education and that has no transferable skills.

There are some great parts of my life but damn... In other ways it would be real fucking nice to just catch a damn break.

@BlueThistles

Delete Social Media .. you'll feel better instantly

Agreed I deleted mine a year or so ago... Best decision I've ever made for my mental health.

Honestly, really agree with deleting social media. Different situation to you but I am going through a really awful separation and not seeing everyone's happy weekends with their kids in Facebook / Instagram really bloody helps actually. After a few days you won't miss it.

Even if OLD doesn't feel like it's working I'd keep persevering. I've known people who are on it for years, I don't know how they kept going but then they do meet their soulmate and the effort was worth it.

I think focus on what you have (health, career, family etc), don't take things for granted.

You’re so young.

If ‘all you’ve wanted for the longest time is to settle down and have a family’, you are probably inadvertently projecting that vibe onto each relationship you go into.

‘This has to work’. ‘We have to be soul mates’. ‘Time is creeping on’. ‘This guy’s the one’. ‘I can’t fuck this up’.

So, of course, it doesn’t work out.

If you go into a new relationship acknowledging that this might be the person you spend the rest of your life with - but more likely acknowledge they probably won’t be - you take a load of pressure off the situation, and you can be yourself.

Again, you really are so young.

Take your foot off the peddle, stop pressuring yourself, and go into new relationships on the basis that you will get to know the person, and along the way you will figure out if they’re right for you.

Instead of forcing square pegs into round holes, and then wondering why it always goes tits up.

I know that the late 20's can be a hard time as a woman if your single.
Their nothing like feeling the the whole world is moving on and your stuck in a rut. You don't want to hear about another engagement, pregnancy or wedding or house bought when it seems it will never happen for you.
My feeling is that you need to step back from being on social media as much. People are just putting the best part of their lives their.
It can be hard not to get into the resentment feeling but it just sucks the life out of you and makes you unhappy. Your only in your late 20's. You have time to meet someone and even if you don't meet the right man their nothing wrong in been single.
You might think that once your in a couple that your life will be happy but you then have to consider them as well as you. I have seen people rush into relationships because they don't want to be on their own and yes it can look good on social media but the reality can be far different.

There was an article on the guardian yesterday about co-parenting platonically, and the websites available for you to find a match to co-parent with. I understand your health concern is a separate issue and hope things will be okay. Late 20's - still plenty of years ahead to meet someone and have children but I realise that's probably frustrating to hear when you want those things now.