To want my elderly father to stay with us for a few weeks

[Gamboge]

He is nearly 85. Reasonably fit and mobile but heart and blood pressure issues. He lives in France and has been staying with us for a few days for half term. He had a negative test before travelling and has not been out of the house while here. None of us have. I am concerned about him returning to France, where he lives alone, during another lockdown. He would still have to go to the supermarket etc. If he stayed with us he wouldn’t have to do that and he wouldn’t be alone. However, staying with us longer term would mean some adjustments. He has acknowledged he would be happier here but has still booked his return journey tomorrow. I think he would like to stay on but doesn’t want to ‘out stay his welcome’ - he is always considerate of this. What would you do?

Didn’t actually mean to enable voting!

Tell him you really want him to stay until lockdown ends.

I would definitely encourage him to stay!

I think it would depend on the sort of adjustments that would be needed.

If you get on and it would be a problem then make it clear to him that you would rather he stayed and that he wouldn’t be out staying his welcome at all.

I’ve got the opposite, my 85 year old dad lives 200 miles away and is trying to guilt trip me into letting him stay here (has been for the past ten years though). It would break me as he’s very difficult, but if you have a good relationship then go for it.

Well we don’t technically have a spare bedroom but my teenage son has taken over the study downstairs which is kind of an extra bedroom as it has an en suite bathroom attached. His computer is set up in their and it has become his domain. We also have a dining room which we hardly use but it connects to the lounge vis an arch. So space could be made.

We do have a good relationship but of course it does change the dynamic.

If you all get on then keep him. Will his home/bills /life be ok if he doesn’t go back when planned?

@Gamboge

Well we don’t technically have a spare bedroom but my teenage son has taken over the study downstairs which is kind of an extra bedroom as it has an en suite bathroom attached. His computer is set up in their and it has become his domain. We also have a dining room which we hardly use but it connects to the lounge vis an arch. So space could be made.

Do it he's your father I've seen the news for France I wouldn't want him travelling at the moment especially through airports etc. If he were to go through and get poorly you'd never forgive yourself and he sounds like a considerate man. Why don't you invite him to extend his stay until January then you've got an end date and you can relax and enjoy Christmas together. If we've learned nothing at all it's that family is everything

I say go for it xx

I think your teenage son needs to be a big part of any decision then and if he is being expected to permanently move rooms steps taken to make it a proper bedroom for him

Definitely keep him. Bless him for not wanting to impose at 85.

I’d encourage him to stay even if it’s just for another few weeks but be prepared for him to stay longer.

I would definitely do this. Express loud and clear there is no out staying a welcome. The lesson of this crazy time is time is really precious with loved ones. Grab it if you can

I would do it in the blink of an eye.

Yes, you are all echoing what I feel, that family is the most important thing above all else. But my son needs to be on board to avoid any tension or resentment.

But it doesn’t sound as if your DS is much troubled if he still has a room and an en suite? I suppose the other option is to move stuff around to make that room a really comfortable room for your Dad?

Yes, keep your Dad with you and tell, don’t ask DS.