Any other lockdown mums not be able to be positive anymore?

[User1639494]

I would have posted this somewhere else but seeing as this is already flooded with potential lockdown posts I thought I’d leave it here. NC as well because I don’t want this misery linked to my normal posts

Im a positive person. I’m trying to look at 2020 as the best year of my life, I had my DD in lockdown and I thought “ok, no one can meet her but now I have all the time to bond with her” and so on. But I can’t do it anymore.

I know a lockdown hasn’t even been confirmed but I can’t stop crying at the thought. My last month of maternity leave with a baby on my own. My DH works during the lockdowns so it was hard enough with a newborn completely on my own, but at least she slept a lot. Now my DD loves stimulation esp from other people and I feel worried she will be confused.

I’m not from the town I live in, I have a couple of friends from work but it’s a young industry so we have very different life paths. I was hoping to make some friends at groups but obviously I couldn’t go to any. I just started to go to some but only made a couple of the sessions because I was helping to finalise my mothers wedding. So now I feel like I will just be on a continuous cycle of being lonely

She will have no settling in with her childminder, it’s to start Tuesday, so I will just be “abandoning” her on my first day back at work.

I love my daughter and I wouldn’t trade her for anything, but I feel awful that I brought her into this world. I know the consequences if we don’t are worse but I am so panicked about the future economy for us all with the impacts of all these lockdowns.

I know logically there is nothing else we can do I just want to rant and I just want it to fuck right off. I feel awful for people who have lost someone because of this and it breaks my heart to hear it.

How is everyone else doing?

It sounds like you're finding things very tough, and understandably so! To me it sounds like perhaps you were kind of 'waiting' for things to go back to normal rather than fully embracing/adapting how things are? Rant away, sometimes it really helps to get it all out!

Having said that, I'd recommend 'Peanut' to meet some mums in your area. I'd also recommend looking up a local mum's group on Facebook. That will help you build your mummy network and hopefully stop you feeling so isolated.

Has your childminder completely refused to take your DD for settling in? My childminder took DS for an hour, then 2-3 hours and then the next time he saw her was my first day back. He transitioned fine but I'd done a lot of work to help prepare him. I'd play peekaboo with him from doorways so I was technically on another room and out of site. I then progressed that to leaving him alone in a room without me for 30 seconds - a few minutes so I was confident he was happy even if I wasn't there. I also encouraged lots of independent play so that hopefully he was confident and ready to be without me. I don't know if it actually helped or if he's just a confident little guy but maybe there are some ideas for you to prepare your DD?

I'm doing ok, but I think a lot of that is due to the fact I have a weekly call with a therapist. It started long before Covid but it's helped get me to a place where I stay in the moment. I'm all about 'What can we do right now' rather than 'What would I like to do but can't'. I still have my gloomy days, our first holiday as a family of 3 should be coming up on the 26th November but that's been cancelled. Instead we sat down and thought about what our favourite bits of the holiday would've been and we're now planning to recreate some of our favourite bits of the holiday at home. It's required quite a bit of creativity and it's definitely not the same. But it's the best we've got 😄😅

It's been a tough year, particularly for new mums IMO.
You've got it all off your chest. Your maternity leave is drawing to a close and so life will be different for you even if there is lockdown.
You will have work to provide you with some focus, distraction, and sense of purpose.
Your baby will settle with the childminder and get social interaction there. Try not to worry.
As your baby becomes more and more a personality you will not regret bringing this wonderful person into your life.
Well done for your resilience so far. You can do this! 💐

I know how you feel, my baby was born a few weeks before lockdown but it was a difficult birth and by the time I was recovered enough to be out and about the option wasn't there. Managed to get to a handful of baby groups over the last couple of weeks. Maternity leave has not been anything like I'd hoped and I've cried so much, it's lonely, I don't have many friends and was hoping it would be an opportunity to make some! My little boy is amazing but I feel like he has missed out on so much already. I'm back to work (from home) on Monday and he's off to nursery. In a way I am glad as I dont think I could cope with another lockdown feeling like he's missing everything. At least this time he will have stimulation and fun at nursery so it will be a little more like what will be normality for him. Hopefully it will be the same for your little one too

Why no settling in at childminder? Sounds very odd - couldn’t you have paid for a week extra before she started?

Sorry it’s beeen so hard

I worry about my toddler. He hasn't played with another child his own age since March. None of the groups we used to go to have opened up again and the only ones that have opened are paid/booked sessions and all the spaces go like gold dust. He's due to start preschool in April (he turns 3 in March and we can't afford to send him before he gets the government funding) and I am counting down the days. Also worried if they close schools as then bang goes my 5yo's social interaction as well. I literally just want my DC's to be able to play with other kids their own age, I think it's so important for children.

Also really worried about our jobs, both DH and I work in the same restaurant so fuck knows what another lockdown will mean for us.

We will all get through it, we have to. But the uncertainty is horrible. Try to think of the long term, I just keep saying to myself "when this is all over we can do x" and it helps.

Thanks for the replies. I’ve calmed down a lot now but I feel like I just keep going into down in the dumps waves

Re the childminder - sorry I meant if there was another lockdown as of weds like the news is speculating.

@ReallyRatherBlonde yes I just hope so much there isn’t one so they can have “life as normal” even if we can’t!

@MynephewR it must have been so hard for you in the first lockdown with two little ones to keep occupied. I’m so fucking sorry about the concern over your jobs. I feel so much for people who work in these industries that are affected! That’s what I held onto when my baby was born, yes my partner was working but at least he had job security. I hope if we do have another lockdown it will just be business as usual for you both afterwards

Not sure if I count as a lockdown mum! I was 6 weeks pregnant when the first lockdown started and am due to give birth in two weeks. Today my area has entered tier two. When I found out about it on Thursday I cried for about two hours...probably hormone related but I just felt like it was so cruel at the last hurdle.

Each mini blow I’ve had, I’d put a positive spin on it.
So I couldn’t tell my parents face to face that they were having their first grandchild because we were still in national lockdown when I started showing. Okay...at least we have tech and we could video call.
Husband has been unable to go to any hospital appointments or scan with me. Struggled to put a positive spin on that but at least the baby was healthy and I could relay good news each time I got home. Although I will admit that when I was in hospital last week and men were going into the scans, I shed a tear as it hit me the experience my DH has missed.

Then it’s only DH can be at birth and visit after birth. Okay, not ideal but at least my mum and MIL can visit me at home....but now that can’t even happen and that’s when I’ve just lost hope. I don’t want to be a brand new mum without my mum helping me. I don’t want my baby to not meet it’s grandparents. I feel awful that my parents and MIL aren’t going to be able to meet their first grandchild for goodness knows how long.

I’ve always thought I’m a really strong person who’s takes things in their stride but I can feel the positivity evaporating from me.

I of course know there are people who have had it much worse but I feel like I’m reaching breaking point in terms of sticking to the rules but being punished regardless.

@MrsR87 that’s such a shame! If it helps! I gave birth the second lockdown began and I promise you it’s not that bad. I was induced because of complications, without DH there but luckily for me it happened quickly so he was called in. I ended up having an EMCS which was hard because when he had to leave I was like wtf am I supposed to do? I can’t move! But the midwives were amazing and the other mums helped too. It was actually a really nice experience. Very calm! Considering there were lots of crying babies but chilled because of the lack of visitors.

Having a newborn is very hard without support in lockdown, I won’t lie to you. I had the grandparents visit from the end of the drive and it was still lovely! Yes it was so sad no one could hold her, I couldn’t go out and show her off, I had no idea if she was ok or meeting milestones because she was weighed once and that was it. But during the newborn phase they only need you & want you and you can give them all your time. It’s difficult not having a break but tbh I wouldn’t change it, although some days I definitely would!

Yes! I have a 1 year old and am due DD2 on Monday. I have spent the morning crying. All I can see is dark winter days, alone, grumpy toddler, screaming newborn, family live abroad but my mum would have come over to stay and help me, so I have absolutely no family support. DH will keep working out of the house. We wont be able to meet up with anyone, no playgroups, no softplay, and weather too bad to take out a 4 week old. I feel very broken this morning. I just keep bursting into tears. Considering I am meant to be relaxing as I have signs of early labour it's not a good way to be. I dont know yet how I am mentally going to cope. I didnt cope well on DD1 mentally but getting out every day kept me somewhat sane.

I had my fifth DC in July so I had to homeschool the older three whilst heavily pregnant with a toddler running around too. It was utterly exhausting and my DC hated homeschooling so we experienced lots of tantrums. I am a teacher but I teach adults so primary school children was just a huge shock to the system, it did give me even more respect for primary school teachers (I come from a long line of primary teachers).

I went back PT after my toddler was born so we went to toddler groups at least twice a week, I miss those greatly. He’s started going to toddler football with DH at the weekend now but only one adult is allowed per child and no siblings are allowed so I can’t go too. I feel like life has been put on hold to an extent and like this year has just been a write off (aside from our lovely baby of course- the only real positive).

Every day out has to be pre-planned way in advance now, nothing is spontaneous anymore and the weather is always unpredictable so we’ve found many planned days blighted by rain and wind.

I feel anxious as fuck. I have a non napping 2 year old and a baby and don't know how we will get through the days.

I hate it too. My baby was 5 months old when lockdown hit so I wasn't a brand new mum but I still found it tough. I'd planned to go to baby groups etc from 6months then couldnt. My husbands shifts changed so he would essentially be away for a week then home for 1. Which was great when.he is home but hard being a new mum, no visitors and sleepless nights at times then doing it all. We live rurally so friends visiting outside was tricky to coordinate as well. I found having a newborn, difficult birth, in the gloomy winter bad enough without lockdown. My mum has passed away and family live abroad or far away so the support I got was very limited, though still good from them. My DH's family are local but were not that supportive. Maybe thats harsh but while they wanted to visit and 'help' it always turned out to be work for me and i couldn't really discuss any vulnerability without feeling judged or comments made on what I/my baby should be doing. I'm now back at work and love the interaction, my baby has settled in ok for nursery considering almost no settling in and very little interaction with other children (inlaws are a different story though lol). The thought of lockdown again kills me but being a keyworker, my routine wont be changed too much hopefully. But still feel like the independence I've just got back will be snatched away again. I was looking forward to xmas dinners with work crew and fam but sad that will likely not be an option. Or with a million restrictions that suck the joy out of it. I know its so whiney when ppl are losing family due to covid so I dont voice these feelings. Which just adds to the gloom. I normally start looking for holidays in Nov for the summer and eas looking forward to out first family one. But that looks unlikely too 😭

I feel sad. My lasr ever baby was born in June. Horrible pregnancy, traumatic birth and a premature baby who's already ended up in hospital twice. The worst thing though has been the crippling loneliness. I have seen my parents a few times but that will stop now.
We were booked to go to baby swimming on Friday but that won't happen now. My baby doesn't sleep a lot and likes to be held or at least have people near him and I was hoping some groups would tire him out and get him used to other people.
He's doing settling in sessions in December but I can't go with him and am feeling very tearful about just leaving him.
It's been a horrible time and I can feel the PNDi had with my eldest coming back but everyone thinks I'm fine (I tried to tell my husband but he just said "not again" so I keep it to myself).
Norhing that can be done though.