AIBU to think my self esteem will always be low?

[Georgeoftheinternet]

I hate myself. I dont have any friends and find it hard to live life. I’ve tried everything, I’m just not able to over come the many years of being in a large family and my feelings not being nurtured.

Sure you will say “I care about you” but you don’t. You care professionally. My family had a Skype call and everyone was asked how they were - I wasn’t asked and I live alone. I got upset and they didn’t message me.

I don’t have any friends and think everyone hates me. I’m awkward and just been ripped of by a kitchen fitter. He’s got so many good reviews, why did he do mine so bad.

I feel so alone in this world and I don’t know how to build friendships. I can’t learn it. People say I’m moody. I can’t handle stress. I have a low paid job despite a degree.

I just can’t handle being this low about myself all the time.

There are some people that are so broken, that feels like it’s me. Second termination because covid sent my bipolar too manic. People say there is help on the nhs, there isn’t. I’ve exhausted it. I’be been waiting many months for a medication review.

Didn't want your post to go unanswered. I don't have much help to offer but keep pushing your doctor for help.

I have very low self-esteem from childhood abuse, family can be shit. Don't let them drag you down.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low right now. It sounds like you have been through a lot lately, and going back to your childhood.

Would you consider counselling?

Can you throw yourself into helping others completely? Forget about yourself for now, volunteer somewhere like the Foodbank or a soup kitchen, just entirely focus on others. Might be an unconventional approach but may help grow your self esteem organically?
I really hope things get better OP, for what it’s worth, you sound lovely

P.S the reviews were probably fake for the kitchen fitter, not your fault he is an arsehole, that’s all on him!!!

I come from a large family and suffered with low self esteem for years but I think finding a job I love and my partner really helped me. I occasionally have my moments but in general I would say j don’t have low self esteem any more.

Low self esteem tends to also go hand in hand with anxiety/ depression. Is there a local charity you can speak to who can provide some counselling or even better some cbt? CBT really helped me.

You need to start realising that everyone is self centred. If people were in a fire who can you rely on getting you out the building? You and you alone. Your family don’t owe you anything, they don’t have to care and neither does any friends. It’s horrible to think like that but your own worth isn’t based on how much someone else cares about you. Of course it’s nice to have friendships and relationships but they require a lot of energy and if you are hot one day and cold the next it can upset people so they won’t bother as much. Might be worth looking up how badly anxiety can affect you as it can cause major relationship issues. Might also be worth looking at bipolar and seeing if anything if those fit.

Also if you use social media delete anything that makes you feel rubbish and start following positive groups. Picture of from body positive panda on Instagram and seeing things like this rather than other people gloating how perfect their life is much better for mental health

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this OP. You are not alone and while your feelings about yourself are not justified or rational there are things you can do - if you believe that it's possible and that you are worth it. I think you need to get out of your own head for a while - I actually agree with SandysMam PP - throw yourself into doing things for other people - volunteering, raising awareness, helping your community. Do you drive? Can you pop a note round to all your neighbours offering to get their shopping or prescriptions for them? Good luck OP.

@SexyGiraffe in a national lockdown?

Hi George, from what I can understand under the latest rules, people are still allowed to leave their house to volunteer or care for others. However, I recognise that might feel too much in the current circumstances. I do agree with PPs that losing yourself in the service of others (as Gandhi put it) can be a big help, and sometimes people need support to get to a place where they feel able to do this. Counselling might help you think about whether that is the direction you want to try and if so how to get started. It would probably also help you think through lots of other things too.

In your OP you seem to explain some of the reasons you feel the way you do ie it's not because there is something wrong with you but because the people who were supposed to show you the unconditional love you needed to flourish, didn't. Perhaps creating the time and space in your life to consider this further might help align your feelings with what you may already rationally know ie that your low self esteem is because of your poor treatment by others and not because there is something inherently wrong with you.

Maybe you have tried this approach in the past. My own experience is we can all learn and grow as we go and sometimes having someone to really listen as we try to process what we've been through can have a surprising impact. I believe it is never too late to try to find that inner sense of self and peace that leads to genuine happiness.