I had my baby four months ago and I was stuck indoors during lockdown as I feared how it may affect me being pregnant. I found myself getting upset or angry a lot more.
DM comments would annoy me and tbh she didn't help with some of the things she bought up/mentioned. I felt she annoyed me so much at the time and even after my baby was born. Just small comments would agitate me. I'm normally quite a, 'they didn't mean it that way', move on type of person and don't take things too personally but all of a sudden it was affecting me so much more.
Aside from DM, I found I was getting annoyed with some of my cousins and friends.I was picking up on things that I never would have. For example, how can you be a friend if throughout my entire pregnancy, with me being anxious and nervous due to Covid, you never once messaged to see if I was ok. Or when my cousin never gave a flying monkey about Covid and was out and about even though her parents (my aunt and uncle) were vulnerable. It blew my mind that she actually didn't give a damn and could be so selfish risking it like that when I was stuck at home with DH and DD (2yo) for about 5 months.
I've stopped talking to those friends, deleted them on social media etc as I feel I don't want them to know what I get up to. Because why would I let you into my life if you don't seem to care? I feel like I've recently realised who my friends really are and I just don't (want to) care about these people who really have no meaning in my life. But then I do think about it and feel bad. I wonder if I am I bad person or do I owe them an explanation on why I've stopped talking or deleted them.
I had a huge face off with DM about a month ago and sometimes there's just no winning. I'm normally almost always the one that says ok and doesn't argue so all of a sudden to her I've changed and become this horrible person. She mentions it's because I now have money blah blah (although I do think this was said out of anger and upset because I outed her on things she didn't like). DH and I work hard for what ever we have, and just because I have a little bit of money, it doesn't make me big headed and I would never forget my roots. Tbh I'm very careful with the things I say to my family and these friends and cousins as I feel the risk of boasting about things. I don't think I should be made to feel this way.
Anyway sorry to go on but the point of this post is, am I just being ridiculous and overthinking everything for nothing? I woke up very sad and anxious today and felt like I needed a cry. I left the DC with DH and went for a good cry in the evening. No reason. Just balled my eyes out. I felt slightly better but that feeling that made me tired and less motivated to do anything. I bathed and fed my DC and I always make sure they're ok. DH has been nice enough to do dinner and I told him I felt sad. He's been great but I just can't shake off this feeling and then I think about everything that I've mentioned above and feel so bad over and over again. Is it normal? Is it PND? What can I do about it? Or is it just realisation that I need to stand up for myself more?
Also, DM and I are on better terms tbh I think she's going through depression herself. She's mostly indoors by herself all day until DF comes home in the evening and the siblings have moved out. So I have a better relationship with her now and I think she mostly gets it.
Sorry for the long post. TYIA