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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I did the right thing?

18 replies

Lovesgood · 30/10/2020 22:41

Posting here for traffic.

There is (was) this guy I have met online and we have been texting for months and months, not every day, more like a few times a month. He was super keen on me but with everything going on I thought it was understandable we hadnt met yet. But now that they have lifted restrictions a bit I really wanted to meet in person. Two weeks ago we agreed on today, but didnt set a specific time and place. I texted him last Sunday to arrange more specifics. He didnt reply for two days, which is odd for him, normally he used to be fast to reply. Texted some question marks, then a Hello? the next days, still no reply until yesterday, when he said sorry but I had a family emergency but Im still good to meet over the next few days. I said, ok, suggest a time and place then. To which he again didnt reply.
So today I found my spine and told him the whole thing is off as I deserve someone who actually wants to meet in person and is able to communicate when something is wrong. He came out with all this stuff of "I dont want a relationship right now" etc when he was mighty keen on that only a few weeks ago, and I was like wtf!?
Thing is my logical brain knows he is being a massive knob and I need to let this go and not feel upset about it. I guess there is just this empathetic (pathetic) part of me that feels like I should have hung around a bit longer, given him 1 (10) more chances and acted like a complete doormat! I dont know why Im such a pushover. Can you please tell me that I did the right thing in cutting him lose?

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 30/10/2020 22:45

He's enjoying the chase and the attention but has no intention of a relationship.

Pokerfaced · 30/10/2020 22:49

Of course you were right. Do you honestly think anyone is going to suggest you trot back and give him another chance?

Original poster
Lovesgood · 30/10/2020 22:51

That is exactly what I need right now, a good old dose of mumsnet leave the bastard! Grin

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/10/2020 22:53

YANBU

It sounds like he may have met someone else but was keeping his options open with you?

Rainydayss · 30/10/2020 22:55

Was he definitely single? When I was OLD I found the ones that delayed and cancelled meeting up were already taken. They seem to enjoy the flirty messages but have no intention of meeting up.
Either that or he's a catfish....or just a flaky knob (not literally...well quite possibly)Blush

BuffaloMozzerella · 30/10/2020 23:02

He's one of those men who just want the attention from texting. There were loads of them like that when I was online dating - it was weird. This has been masked by all the Covid restrictions so you're only just finding out now.

Maybe he's already attached, or maybe he's just not able to take the next step but who cares - neither option is good for you.

Sorry you're feeling rubbish about it.

D4rwin · 30/10/2020 23:13

It sounds like he's in someway involved elsewhere. He could be in a relationship or perhaps just dating others and was prioritising in a way only known to him or just likes to think he could date all these people if he wanted to for whatever reason.

markzuckerbergsgreytshirt · 30/10/2020 23:33

Of course you did the right thing! You should never have bothered chasing it up with him after he didn't confirm the arrangements. Lucky escape.

BlueThistles · 30/10/2020 23:35

He enjoys the attention you gave him.. he's bored now.. he'll be online chatting to countless other woman, who will believe he will meet them too. You know he won't. Flowers

Original poster
Lovesgood · 30/10/2020 23:44

Thanks you all, I really need logic talk with this stuff. I can be such a rational person until it is about a guy and then Im all soft and way too nice. I hate being like this. I just need some straight talk and know that mumsnet women tend to be great at that.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 31/10/2020 01:07

OP you're not the only one.. we are conditioned to be nice kind generous helpful people in life....others take advantage of this 🌺

Angelina82 · 31/10/2020 04:37

He’s probably either married or looks nothing like his profile pic. Either way you did the right thing and no need to feel guilty as he’s probably relieved and now free to move on to his next victim.

Dafspunk · 31/10/2020 04:45

One thing that you said that really stands out for me OP is I need to let this go and not be upset about it You have every right to be upset about it. It is upsetting when someone isn’t genuine and doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. So feel upset, acknowledge that and then move on to a clearer headspace.

Georgeoftheinternet · 31/10/2020 04:59

Catfish: seen many pics of him?

Original poster
Lovesgood · 31/10/2020 17:19

As to the catfish thing. I have seen many pics of his face, I liked it, but it was not the male beauty stereotype kinda face, so I think that one was real. If anything, he was really insecure about his looks. That is the kinda stuff I cant think about too much, because then I think all sorts of "helper syndrome" crappy thoughts... I have learned in the past that you can not fix a man, and I do not ever want to try that again (in my defense I was VERY young), still am very young when it comes to dating and feel like it shows. I feel like I make all kinda rookie mistakes Confused
Thank you all for your kind messages Flowers

OP posts:
Heyahun · 31/10/2020 17:49

Classic!! I’ve had this before - constant excuses - they always say families emergency or something like that and keep you hanging

I don’t bloody get it - but I always just move on - they aren’t worth the time - I swear some of them just want to text someone and never meet 😂

GenevaL · 31/10/2020 19:15

Of course you did the right thing. He’s not even able to send you a quick text - how fucking rude is he?!

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/10/2020 19:22

Don't beat yourself up or call yourself "pathetic" - you were right to be excited about a possible connection with someone. It's the most powerful motivation in the world, and you're not wrong to be sad and disappointed that it didn't work out.

This guy...whatever his reasons are for flaking out, that is just useful information that he isn't the one for you.

Onwards and upwards, OP - and remember to operate from abundance. Men want relationships with women more than women want relationships with men, so you really are in the power position here, whatever the media tells you.

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