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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Scary teddy"

40 replies

Crazyoldmaurice · 30/10/2020 21:46

2 daughters aged 5 and 3 share a bedroom. 5 year old has said for a little while that 3 year olds big Teddy (he is only just a little bit shorter than 3 year old now) scares her and she doesnt like him. I had a big sort out of their soft toys a month or two ago and put half of them in a vacuum pack bag thing as they had too many on each of their beds and I wanted to free up some space, I vacuum packed Teddy as he is rather big.

3 year old started asking for big Ted back this afternoon, said we would get him back later. 5 year old starts saying she doesn't want big ted in the room as his black eyes are too beady and he gives her nightmares. I say I can take him away again when her sister dozes off again as the 3 year old goes off fairly quickly. No. Even just seeing him once will give her nightmares apparently.

Hoped 3 year old would forget about big Ted tonight but she started wailing for him right before going to sleep and cried hard and loud enough to wake baby brother when we said to get him in the morning. Got him out and gave to 3 year old. 5 year old now saying she can't sleep. Tried saying its like her sister suddenly saying she finds her fave cuddly toy too scary and she can't take them to bed anymore. Said discreetly I would go in and take big ted back out once her sister is asleep but just heard 3 year old whispering to Teddy "I missed you so much, never go away again teddy" and she asked me twice not to take him away again.

What should I do here? Both girls aren't great sleepers yet and both tend to wake up at least once in the night. Teddy isn't particularly scary looking either so don't know where it has come from.

How do I win this one? AIBU to leave teddy in the bed tonight? They can't have separate rooms unfortunately 😕

OP posts:
Lillyhatesjaz · 30/10/2020 23:53

Could teddy just be left downstairs at night maybe you need him to keep you company. I think it would be horrible to sleep in a room with something you are scared of. Is the youngest super keen to keep Teddy in the room as it gives them an element of control over the older child.

DinosaurOfFire · 31/10/2020 01:00

@ForeverBubblegum My mum sewed the eyes back on my bear... so I kept pulling them off Blush I eventually left one on and I still have the bear now, he was one of my favourites, I just hated his eyes!

Noti23 · 31/10/2020 01:17

“Just bin big teddy” until your 3 year old falls in love with something else that must also be binned...

fiddlerjo · 31/10/2020 01:32

@Charleyhorses

A teddy bears pubic?
Oh fuck it Grin
grassisjeweled · 31/10/2020 01:40

Sunglasses on Big Ted of course.

DougRossIsTheBoss · 31/10/2020 02:02

Not sure if they are a little too young but I suspect sibling rivalry/ power struggle being played out here.

My dsis and I have a similar age gap and shared a room until we were in secondary school and we used to pull crap like this all the time. I would refuse to sleep with the nightlight on she'd be scared if it was off, door open/ closed etc etc.

I think 5yr old wants to see if she can get you to take 3yr olds teddy away and 3yr old knows this and now it's her favourite ever (although had been happy to have him vacuum packed before sister mentioned it). They want to see who you will side with. You have to make a fair rule so everyone wins.

I think that no-one gets to veto anyone else's choice of toy but equally you could talk to them about it being kind to consider others feelings and maybe 3yr old would
be kind enough (and get rewarded for) allowing teddy to sleep in another room. She could make him a special bed or he could look out for baby? Ultimately if she chooses not to though 5yr old has to suck it up but no-one gets the specially kind sister treat.

If it's any consolation Dsis and I have always been very close and have a great relationship now as adults despite these dramas.

DougRossIsTheBoss · 31/10/2020 02:07

Maybe 3yr old gets to choose a new toy if she gives up big ted?

user686827 · 31/10/2020 02:21

I think @DougRossIsTheBoss is spot on with this. Older dd is trying it on. Is she jealous of the bear? I'd call her bluff and suggest younger DD gets to choose a new toy, from Build a Bear or the Disney Shop or similar if she gives up 'scary bear'. Only younger DD gets the new toy though or it wouldn't be fair. I'm sure you will find out then, if she is genuinely scared of Big Ted she will be glad to to along with it.

Angelina82 · 31/10/2020 04:07

Aww this is so cute and rather funny too. I do feel a bit sorry for your older DD having to share a room with something she is afraid of though. Have you tried appealing to her better nature by doing a puppet show, starring evil big ted, about him being sad that he is not loved by the whole household because of the way he looks. Making him the victim instead of the bad guy could well pull at her heartstrings and teach her about empathy too.

MessAllOver · 31/10/2020 05:05

Imo @DougRossIsTheBoss is completely right. It's a power play to see who you love the most. Once big Ted has been overthrown, 5 year old will focus on the next object beloved of 3 year old. What are you going to do? Throw all of 3 year old's cherished toys away to appease her older sister? Leave her with the message that any cuddly she graces with her affection will receive a death sentence so she'd better learn to hide her partiality?

DougRossIsTheBoss · 31/10/2020 09:02

If you want to go down the road of making friends with Big Ted I can recommend a lovely picture book 'Mr Big' by Ed Vere. Mr Big is a gorilla who everyone is scared of just cos he's so big so he has no friends but he can play piano and when people hear that he starts to play in a band and becomes a celebrity and everyone loves him.

Or on the theme of giving up your toy for your sibling the absolute classic that is Dogger by Shirley Hughes.

yesiamyesiamokaycallmeback · 31/10/2020 17:30

my daughter ripped all the eyes off her teddies that were creepy

I remember being deathly afraid of creepy teddies with the reddish brown eyes they sometimes have I thought they were evil!!

SuitedandBooted · 31/10/2020 18:38

Don't let your eldest DD decide what your younger child is allowed to keep. This could really go too far. What if you get another cuddly rabbit or something, and the 5 year old decides that's scary too? Will you pack away all your 3 years favourites toys?
I would be tempted to try the "Build a Bear" offer up thread - I bet DD1 will change her tune then!

TerribleLizard · 31/10/2020 21:12

I wouldn’t guess it’s a power thing. Not impossible, but 5 year olds are pretty transparent so I bet it would have come out before now. They do tend to take against things, and stay scared of the funniest things for a long time. My nearly 5 year old is afraid of a very unthreatening logo we see quite a lot.

I would try to make friends with Big Ted. Maybe tell a story about how some smaller animals or children were scared of him, but he was actually kind and he saved the day once? Or a story about something you were scared of when you were little? Some games where he’s funny and silly - dressing him up as PPs have said.

I don’t like the idea of getting rid of him as little ones can get attached to things, and they are important to them. I would maybe think about getting the 5 year old their own big/special toy - one that is beautiful to them, just like how Big Ted is beautiful to your 3 year old.

Nottherealslimshady · 31/10/2020 21:25

5yo needs to be helped to get over her fear of a stuffed toy. 3yo shouldn't have to give up a source of comfort.
I wouldn't be encouraging or indulging this behaviour from your 5yo. If she doesn't want to sleep with a teddy in the room then she can sleep on the sofa.

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