... to want to immediately book major plastic surgery?

[Wroxie]

I just threw myself face down on the bed to look at my phone for a bit before lunch, wearing a vest and no bra... and some air got caught under my (apparently). massive floppy tit and made a farting sound.

I'm having both removed immediately. OK not really but honestly what in the fuck has happened to my body? Being 42 is absolutely not on.

It's alright, it could be worse. I lost a lot of weight after bariatric surgery and know when I run upstairs my apron belly makes a slapping sound.

Yesterday I went to work with pillow crease lines on my face

I'd been awake for THREE hours.

Where the fuck has my collagen gone?!

legalseagull get yourself a silk pillowcase immediately!

I found a jowl the other day. And its new friend the other side.

I'm clearly little league though, as I haven't yet managed a tit fart.

I shall look forward to it.

@Greenteandchives

legalseagull get yourself a silk pillowcase immediately!

Ooooh Christmas list!

I was shopping in Tescos yesterday and the checkout lady smiled and I smiled back saying that I was smiling behind my mask. She said “I know I can tell by your eyes”. My crows feet are making me socially approachable during Covid apparently
I have tried the tit slap, Miranda style, but fortunately they are still holding up. My arse has disappeared over the years, gutted now it’s fashionable to have a huge one.

When I was two I had a serious accident which left me with a very noticeable scar in the middle of my face and at the time other smaller cuts around my eyes which faded. I realised the other day that now I’m 53 the smaller scars are reappearing . I’ve dealt with my scars and they’re part of me and my story but FFS I don’t want others to reappear. As @legalseagull, where the fuck has all the collagen gone?

I was breastfeeding my baby earlier and noticed a large, dark and protruding hair coming out of my nipple. MY NIPPLE FGS.

Also not on.

oh this is the sort of Friday afternoon thread we need!
I wish by b@@bs were big enough to make fart noises :(

I did Joe Wicks with the kids during lockdown without a bra on. DD asked if that was the sound of my knees cracking... Uhh, nope.

Yabu as I’m jealous, mine have never been/will never be large enough to fart

Re collagen, anyone know what’s best? Am willing to drink beef juice if necessary

I’m sorry @ShirleyPhallus that must have been a shock. I’m sorry to spoil your day further by informing you that the large hair You have spotted will not be a lone one. Best conduct a search on the southern side of each nipple where you’ll probably find a veritable shag pile carpet. Then check your cheeks (facial) and chin. Just warning you, like.

My eyebrows have taken to sprouting long snow white hairs overnight without warning. Cousins to the pointy white ones that appear on my chin as if by magic. I am just 43

Something to finally aspire to

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes, Amazon sell Wellgard collagen powder that's brilliant: lots & lots of good reviews. I got it to help my creaky joints, and found it had a side-effect of giving me lovely glowing skin at 49 :)

Excellent, thanks!

My arse / gut claps for me when I run / jump especially burpees / star jumps etc. I can't go to fitness classes for this reason. The first time DP heard it he thought I had farted during a fitness video on youtube. We never ended doing the exercise, he just rolled around on the floor laughing.

I wish my arse would clap... unfortunately it's far too flat and completely out of proportion with my massive and now apparently pancake-shaped tits.

@dragoncheeselady

My eyebrows have taken to sprouting long snow white hairs overnight without warning. Cousins to the pointy white ones that appear on my chin as if by magic. I am just 43

Yep found a 2 cm long hair growing out of my eyebrow this morning. Mind you, unlike most of you, I have a bit of an excuse being 65!

I've had random nipple hairs since I was 25. Chin hairs since 28. My knees are now creaking and I make involuntary noises when I have to stand up. I like to think that if this was the stone age and I was my current age that I would be revered as a wise old goddess...humans weren't designed to live this long 🤣

@YouokHun

I’m sorry *@ShirleyPhallus* that must have been a shock. I’m sorry to spoil your day further by informing you that the large hair You have spotted will not be a lone one. Best conduct a search on the southern side of each nipple where you’ll probably find a veritable shag pile carpet. Then check your cheeks (facial) and chin. Just warning you, like.

Oh fuckety. Is this one of those “joys of motherhood” that no one tells you about?

Nipple hairs run in my family though I’ve permanently murdered mine with my lumea

I too have the belly slap sound from my C section pouch. The more weight I lose, the more it flaps! I had a flat belly before pregnancy, and the first time I jogged upstairs the sound really shocked me and then I realised it was my belly.

My boobs also make slapping noises, so when I run it sounds like I'm giving myself a round of applause. It's quite motivating actually.

@Couchbettato My boobs also make slapping noises, so when I run it sounds like I'm giving myself a round of applause. It's quite motivating actually.

I snorted.

I'm not far off 39 and suddenly feel like I've aged years.

When I look in the mirror all I can see is my liney forehead.

I've also got old lady spots/moles on my boobs.

I didn't think I'd start to look old until I was nearer 50.

How very crap