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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling like a terrible mum

35 replies

Keepyourfaith70 · 30/10/2020 08:13

Took DD to nursery this morning in normal clothes. Got there and as we queued up to go in other children arrive in Halloween fancy dress and face paints. There were a few not dresses but I'm feeling really awful because it didn't cross my mind to make the effort for her and I don't want her to feel left out.. We don't celebrate Halloween but I still should have made the effort for her to enjoy being in fancy dress today.. Don't know if I should call nursery and ask them to maybe just do a face paint on her or something as the thought of her feeling left out makes me feel heartbroken.. We've been through a very tough few months and I've been a single mum whose now back to working for 5 months but I feel like I should be thinking about things like this because she's still a child and should enjoy being a child. How do I get past the mum guilt today?

OP posts:
Twistered · 30/10/2020 09:06

Ah that's brilliant OP. Your daughters going to have a fun day and will probably feel extra special her favourite nursery worker will be doing her face and dressing her up! (They all love getting that wee bit of extra attention in nursery!)

Now .... You just turn that mum guilt off for a few hours, grab a cuppa for yourself and relax. You have many many many many more "mistakes" to make over the years to come with your daughter so leave a bit of room for all that guilt too Grin

You got her and you out of a dangerous situation and you're amazing. End of.

Tigger85 · 30/10/2020 09:19

Don't worry op, my D's nursery also had a fancy dress/Halloween party on their last day before half term, there were more kids in their own clothes than in fancy dress. My D's was in a pirate costume we already had and he was only still wearing the shirt by pick up. They are 3 they won't remember the dressing up bit just the playing games bit.

R3ALLY · 30/10/2020 09:25

It happened to me too, didn’t even occur to me to dress up, with the first child it was like the rest of the world had been given an instruction booklet and I didn’t have it ! He got over it, don’t be guilty but it’s ok to be a bit sad! You sound amazing and such a caring mum and you will have many happy holidays to come

purringpaws · 30/10/2020 09:31

@Keepyourfaith70

No I know, I'm not meaning to sound precious in terms of the mum guilt.. Its just the tough 5 months we've had, if you've seen any of my previous threads on relationships we've had to flee DV from her father and its just been awful and I had the opportunity to make her feel special today and to just make her feel like a kid but I didn't, that's what's cutting me up. She's only 2 and like you say PP in the grand scheme of things it's nothing really but just feel a bit guilty when I saw all the other kids turn up and the effort the parents have gone to. X

Just want to say, you are really are awesome. You've done the hardest thing freeing the DV.

Incredibly strong doesn't cover it. Your DD will look back on this time when she is adult and have nothing but admiration for you and your actions.

I hope you can enjoy a little fun Halloween things with her. Maybe even something simple like apple bobbing. These things she will begin to remember as traditions for the two of you.

I hate and avoid Halloween as a rule but feel more relaxed this year that's T or T-ing isn't a thing. So I've got some decorations and hair paints and we will try to have some fun. I too am single parent.

Casschops · 30/10/2020 09:32

Our ursery used ro have spare dress up clothes just in case. Doworry OP she won't remember. She remember that she has a lovely mum who loves her.

SpeccyLime · 30/10/2020 09:36

You sound absolutely lovely OP Flowers

Original poster
Keepyourfaith70 · 30/10/2020 09:38

@Twistered @R3ALLY thank you xx that means a lot :) you can't help but feel guilty about the silly things. I hope she has a lovely day :) some of the effort the other parents went to was amazing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Keepyourfaith70 · 30/10/2020 09:40

I think you're all in danger of making me cry again 😜.. Thank you all for being so lovely ❤️❤️

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 30/10/2020 12:16

@Namechangearoo thank you xx
I think that's what it is really, where's she's only 2 - she's experienced and suffered so much and not what should any 2 year old should go through, (for some context, we've had to sleep on peoples sofas, floors, in a refuge and now finally in our own home) the little things seem like big things and I just want her to feel like a child.. not to feel grown up or to grow up quicker because of it just being us. I know I'm biased, but she really is such an amazing little girl and I am in awe of her daily - all I want to do is make her feel loved, safe and special and it was more the guilt that it didn't cross my mind to do that.
I've just booked tickets for Halloween themed soft play for tomorrow in our area so hopefully that will be a nice treat for her :)
xx

Pebbledashery · 30/10/2020 12:16

Sorry I NC'd :) xx

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