My step children get on my nerves, AIBU?

[Bonjour400000]

I'm very fond of them and treat them just as well as my own, but they don't half get on my nerves sometimes. They are 10 and 11.

AIBU?

Are step mothers allowed to feel this way on MN?

DH has an ancient console (retro he says) and crash bandicoot is one of the games for that

DSC have gone home now and it's just my own doing my head in, so maybe it's kids in general

Didn't you know OP that on MN as a step parent you're never supposed to criticise your SC?! You must also

• love them equally or more than your own kids
• give them the biggest bedroom - even if they only come over in the school holidays for 2 nights - while all your kids share a bunk bed in the box room
• put them in your will, receiving equal amounts of your estate as your children do
• invite them to every last day out and holiday, no matter how expensive, unsuitable or unfeasible.
• basically be their parent, only be better an nicer than a normal parent. But never ever EVER tell them off - even if they punch you in the face and call you a cunt. you're not their mum after all.

You haven't half made me chuckle Glummy, that sounds about right

@Bonjour400000

Quite! I imagine those saying I'm unreasonable either don't have children OR strongly dislike their exes new partner so the mere thought of a next wife being annoyed by their DC gives them the rage

They'd never know that they get on my wick as I'm nothing but loving toward them, even though they drive me potty at least once per visit by:

Wasting food
Screaming and shouting
Refusing to put down their devices

Rinse and repeat

I don't have step children, but my daughter frequently makes my blood boil which similar things...

• leaving a bread crumb trail of her stuff where ever she goes
• SO so much laundry its unbelievable one person can wear than many things in one week (hint: I hate laundry with a passion)

I don't know how her SM feels but I'd say she's a saint if she doesn't get annoyed by the same stuff (or maybe I'm intolerant lol)

YANBU

I feel like this about most kids tbh.

However, I'm v v jealous that they are playing Crash Bandicoot. One of my fave ever games!

@MysweetAudrina that's exactly it! My dss and dsd are lovely kids but DH is soooo scared of upsetting dsd and she is so super sensitive that noone is allowed to say a word to her which makes her far more annoying. My dd is just as capable of being a pain but I can shut her up within 20 seconds whereas dsd can ruin a whole day with her attitude while DH pussy foots around her and we all get more and more fed up. Little dd is also a pain at times (and less easy to shut up), but I find it hard to maintain annoyance with a toddler who pulls off her pants and dances like peppa pig if you try and tell her off.

YANBU OP.

My dss and dsd are lovely kids but DH is soooo scared of upsetting dsd and she is so super sensitive that noone is allowed to say a word to her which makes her far more annoying

It's the same situation in our house. I think it stems from guilt on his part that he only sees them a couple of days a week and doesn't live with them full time anymore. He lets them get away with all sorts.

Take yesterday for example, they were playing rough and tumble with DH wrestling on the carpet and when DH was laid on the floor DSS2 kicked him in the groin, hard.

It hurt him that badly he had tears in his eyes and couldn't talk for a few minutes.

When DH managed to compose himself he quite rightly told him off and said how dangerous that is and unacceptable, DSS2 went and stood in the corner crying and DH ended up apologising to him for telling him off!

DSS1 today wasted almost all of his tea as usual so DH said if you don't eat at least half of your food then you're not going to be going back on the game. Cue DSS1 throwing himself on the floor and crying, saying he hates DH.

DSS1 still didn't eat the food but DH relented and let him back on the game regardless.

At least once per visit DSS1 will say "i hate you dad" if he's told no or not to do something and DH just takes that and doesn't discipline him.

With our DS though (3) if he's naughty then DH has no problem with telling him off and he doesn't get an apology if DH raises his voice (only ever stern, never aggressively)

I think all of the above massively fuels the annoyance.

Every person on Earth gets on my nerves sometimes! So yanbu.

Being a step child isn't fun for a lot of kids. You already don't feel at home when you should feel at home because of this other adult.

They are just children. Yabu

Also OP look at it this way, your DS gets to live with his dad, your dss does not when he knows his brother does. This can have a profound impact on children and quite often particularly boys. His "I hate you dad" is a test.

ShinyGreenElephant I have one of those, asking her to do the dishes could get you accuses on childline of modern day slavery. The descent into hysterics is real and often. OP, I feel you. Neither of my teenage kids are talking to me at the moment as a 'punishment' and it is a blessed relief. Honestly, it's like being on holiday! I don't think I could cope with being a stepmum, far too much politics and nothing seems to be straightforward.

Quite! I imagine those saying I'm unreasonable either don't have children OR strongly dislike their exes new partner

I have my own children and am still with their dad. I just know what it's like to have divorced parents who have remarried. Maybe have a bit more empathy as the adult.

@Bonjour400000 it's definitely the guilt, dsd has a crappy home life and its hard enough getting her to come over eow so we can't increase contact. Meaning DH acts like God has come down from heaven for a visit every time shes here which breeds resentment from the rest of the kids. Its all the same stuff you seem to be having - refuses to help, wastes food, sobs if you ask her to limit her phone use in any way or let someone else pick a TV show, mean to the other kids... nothing the others won't do themselves at times except everyone else (dd11, dss5 and dd2) all have consequences so they're 90% more likely to comply. He will say "try one pea or no cake" but in reality she will still get cake after leaving all her veg then laugh at the others because they ate theirs. So yes @Feelingconfused2020 it's annoying. Doesn't mean we hate her, we love her to bits, but if anything I think she'd be more at home here if she had boundaries like everyone else. But I also accept that even the once a month visits we have to beg for would stop if he ever told her off so what's the solution? Seems like its us biting our tongues and dealing with being annoyed so she has a relationship with her dad

When you are a parent of small children older children often seem irritating.

They have lost their ‘cuteness’, they seem huge and grown up, but are gawky and because they are still young and fragile they are needy and may be clingy. And seem irritating.

Step children have this to contend with. We all feel irritated by our kids but have that underlying maternal pang when they are our own.

They are being kids, exactly how they should be. Fine to find them irritating but know it is you, not them

Thank you for the replies

I do still find them cute now they've grown up a little. I'm always saying to DH "oh look at him, isn't he sweet" just never within earshot or I'd be reprimanded for babying

The behaviour does take it's toll though, they (one in particular) can be very unreasonable but I guess that can be said for all kids.

I'm the first to admit that my three year old can be an pain in the backside sometimes and I know he gets on the DSC nerves.

The "I hate you" isn't only directed at DH though as he says the same to his mum or brother at home when he gets the hump. He doesn't mean it of course but DH does say that it stings (and I imagine only increases the guilt he already feels about the fact he doesn't live with them anymore)