to hate this house so much

[venus9150]

We moved into an old end terraced property a year ago. It's lovely and big, quirky, our neighbours are fantastic and at the time I loved it. Over the last year that has soured dramatically. Our previous house was built in the 1980s, it was cramped and box-like but nothing ever went wrong with it! This new house has little cracks all over it, small patches of damp, it creaks, has numerous 'house sounds'. Structurally it's fine but I feel like there's an insurmountable mountain of medium-sized jobs that need doing and I'm terrified something big will go wrong, like it'll need a whole new roof or something.

I just want to sell it and move to a newer house, even if that means a smaller property. DH thinks I'm mad and loves the house. He says we can just do little bits at a time but I can just see a never ending stream of jobs and feel like this house will just suck up all our spare cash forever!

I know if I push I can get my way but I don't know if that's fair to DH. Anyone in an old house who loves it? Is it possible to grow to love a house when I hate it so much?

@Ninkanink

Yes we live in a lovely old house with plenty of ‘charm’ (that’s what I call it - I genuinely love the higgledy piggledy quality of it) and my DH sometimes finds it quite stressful because just like you he gets overwhelmed with all the little jobs, and a few big ones, that need doing. However the house itself is perfectly sound, it’s just a matter of prioritising and saving and making sure we always have a buffer to get important things done straightaway.

I love our house - we both do - as far as I’m concerned the niggles and stresses are worth it to be able to live in a beautiful house.

I’m so excited to decorate for Christmas - we’ve lived in flats for several years and haven’t been able to have a wreath on the front door or lights outside, or a separate dining room etc etc. We’ve got a lovely bay window and the tree will look fantastic!

Went off on a tangent there...but really, don’t be disheartened. Find joy in the small charms and beauties and just relax a little.

Ha, I am also consoling myself with Christmas. For the past 20 years I've had to squeeze a tiny tree into an overcrowded house. This year I have lots of room for a good sized tree, or even a second tree. And I will be able to have family here rather than trying to figure out how to fit us into everyone's too small spaces.

totally agree, we live in a 400 year old house and live it. in return for the extra jobs- currently plastering - theres so much history and extra space. wouldn't change it for the world.

I think making a list, then deciding on priorities might help you feel more in control. Also, if you are concerned by it all dragging on, maybe try to group issues together and get them sorted at the same time.

Have to add that I have lived in 2 new build houses and never had problems. Always felt like home too.

In fact, it might be worthwhile, and worth the money, to have someone who knows about restoration come in and draw up a plan. You could end up saving but doing things in a way that is most efficient, deals with more serious issues first, prevents pulling out work you've already done, and so on.

We are planning on moving into a Victorian end of terrace from a 1930's semi.

Maintenance does worry me - the house looks well looked after but I am concerned that the beautiful decor is hiding a multitude of problems.

However- we have had issues in our current house, damp, leaky roof (all resolved by replacing some flashings and guttering) but at the time they seemed insurmountable.

I read somewhere that you should budget 1 per cent of the house's value for maintenance and improvement to keep its market value.

I've noticed I've become obsessed with 1000 minor things in our flat since lockdown and I've noticed the same in neighbours (lots of emails about the shared area repairs). I would be careful about making expensive decisions just now when life is so abnormal.

Old houses have issues, some new builds have endless issues too - we have a conversion of an old house that was done very badly and has resulted in issues...

I think you have been extremely lucky in the past. We have lived in a few different houses and all have required maintenance but the 1990s built one was the most expensive. It was built on the cheap and most repairs uncovered something else that needed doing.

I live in a Victorian terrace and it was a complete shithole when I bought it. The key to avoiding disaster is to fix the right things first. There is no point in making things look aesthetically pleasing if there's a dodgy crack or damp.

Sounds, btw, are generally caused by materials contracting and expanding with changes in temperature. It's also worth checking the floorboards if you can, make sure they are all properly secured. Another thing which might help prevent problems is having the exterior walls coated, you or DH would need to read up on this and determine if it is needed.

Hang in there, OP!

Our house is 90. In the first two years we became aware of how much needed doing and I felt like you - overwhelmed, dispirited and regretting it. It felt like we'd bought a money pit.

We made a list of priorities and reviewed it every little while.

As we did one small job after another, it became clear we could manage it. There was more space, it's a great area and the house is now my favourite of anywhere I've lived.

I had a house like that. ExH hated it & called it a money-pit so we sold & moved into a smaller more modern house. It's true, older houses do cost more to maintain. I stayed in touch with our buyers, and, yes, a flat roof did need replacing very soon after they bought it - but they accepted it was part & parcel of owning an old cottage.

Many years (and new H) later - we've just moved into a house just like my old one & I love it. But this time we knew what we were getting into.

We live in an old house in a rural area.
It's damp, there are rodents in the loft.
We had a stone marten up there in summer. There are regularly mice in the kitchen.
We've just had the septic tank emptied, my dh kept saying it was fine, turns out it was full.
The new door we had fitted 4 months ago, because the old one was warped, has been fixed 4 times already so it is to be replaced again. The heater under the sink broke on sunday so all hot water for the kitchen is being fetched from the utility room down the hall.
And all the copings around the pool are loose and need repairing before next summer.
This house was sold to us as move straight in, nothing to do.
I love it though and I take the attitude it will see me out.
Its just bricks, or stone, and mortar.

Watch Love It or List It. Kirsty says it costs so much to move that you might as well stay put and spend the money on doing up the house. Have a look at how much a move would cost and see what you could do for that price.

We live in a grade 2 listed Georgian house. Yes it is a lot of work to keep it in good condition but I absolutely love it and never want to move.

Over the years the noises an old house makes become part of its character, like an old friend sighing....

I’ve never lived in a new build but my DB is a property developer of small 2/3 house developments or one offs and he tells me stories from the industry of poor quality, rushed work and a certain built in obsolescence; not built to last. I do know friends in new builds who have all had problems to varying degrees. However the solutions are standardised and it tends to cost less to solve problems and it’s easier to find plumbers etc who can work on a new build.

My house was built around 1500 and is Listed. I got a lot of house for the money compared with friends who bought new in terms of square footage and a huge garden in comparison but my ongoing expenses are much higher (partly the Listed status), these are the catches to consider before buying an older property:
House Insurance - it may have to be specialist and therefore high.
Builders and tradespeople - many will be unwilling to work with the quirkiness. Stuff like replacing a window frame has to be bespoke, not just because of the listing (In my particular case) but because nothing is square and nothing is standardised - true of newer old houses too.
Maintenance - yes, low levels jobs are plenty; the odd tile dislodging, leaking old pipe, Repairing cracks etc.
Cleaning - dust and dirt appear quicker somehow (less true of Georgian, Victorian and newer).
Gas/electricity Etc: when I bought this house 17 years ago we paid c£650 a year, now it’s thousands.
So, yes, buying an older house is expensive but it can be a good investment too. Our type of house is sought after in a way that many new builds with small gardens and a lack of privacy are not. It’s also lovely to have the character and the history. I’ve lived in a Victorian terrace before and it was my favourite home, lovely features and high ceilings and really homely. I go into modern houses all the time and however beautifully done they are they just feel a bit soulless. Or maybe I’m just jealous because the water pressure is great, the heating is efficient and they can close the doors properly

On balance though, I’m with your DH.

Our house is very old, creaky floorboards, odd shaped eaves, draft from the stone fireplace.... but its got character, something you'll never get in a modern boring house

Do you actually know what needs doing to the house or are you just guessing? Did you have a survey done before you bought it or a builder to look at it?

I think you need to find out what needs doing and prioritise. Important things are roof, guttering, windows, timbers, any damp that might indicate a leak, electrics and plumbing. If the house is basically sound, then it's just a question of keeping on top of things and putting your own stamp on it.

Personally, we've never bought a new house. I always imagine they're an unknown quantity, overpriced and built on poorer land. I like the character of an old house and the more you nurture it, the more you'll love it!

What era is it? 1950's very different than Victorian.

I have to be honest, I would want an old huge Victorian house these days, can't be bothered with all that and too expensive to heat.

I have a 50's house and love it, still big enough, no major problems so far, and surely you won't need a new roof unless the surveyor said so in the homebuyers report?

New builds, it really depends, some are like horrid little boxes, I have to drive round some new estates to get somewhere each week and they are awful, not enough space for all the posh cars, it's like a rabbit warren and when you get to your destination, it's a box, literally a box with small windows. The nicer ones are great, but so many are just...not.

One thing you said- nice neighbours, that's a huge plus when you move. I wouldn't under-estimate that, or at least, take it into account, you might move to a lovely estate but have a pig of a neighbour. I love our new neighbours and it does make me want to stay around here.

Your old house will still be standing when the new build houses are falling apart. Just make a list and do one job at a time. Old houses are lovely and much more solid.

YANBU - I used to live in a house like that, there was also some massive expense around the corner. 100 year old wiring, massive subsidence. Now we live in a Victorian house that needed total renovation it was in such a state. The plus of that is that everything has been recently updated so it doesn't give us too much trouble (touch wood!). Stripping a house back to almost nothing has demystified houses for me. You don't need to live in a new build for that.

New houses can have loads of issues too. I lived in one which was a nightmare: leaks, huge gaps around pipes etc that let in cold air and mice. Old houses take upkeep but often have more personality, and the sounds jut take getting used to. Being locked down at home probably hasn’t helped but I’m sure you can reclaim the feeling of loving it again and embrace the good points like the space.

I’d make a list of priorities separating into easy fixes, bigger jobs you can do, and stuff that needs a builder/contractor etc. Don’t start panicking about the roof etc unless the surveyor identified an issue, if there are issues you’re really worried about then get someone to check and put your mind at rest, always better to know what you’re dealing with.

I've always preferred the style of older houses. However, my current flat is haemorrhaging money to such an extent that I can see the advantages of newbuilds...

@thriftyhen the homebuyers survey highlighted that the bay window had sunk a bit, this turned out to be due to a broken drain so we had that fixed and it seems fine now. We also replaced some guttering. Two walls need repointing (booked in for February, the earliest we could get for a reasonable price) so until that's done we can't replaster and decorate the bedrooms. There's definitely some floorboards that need replacing upstairs. I'm not averse to DIY, in our last house when we were keen new homeowners we ripped out and fitted a new kitchen ourselves, including plumbing, but we can't really do brickwork or plastering ourselves.

DH has arranged for a structural engineer to come on Monday to (hopefully) put my mind more at ease.

Thanks everyone, I'm sure once we get a few more jobs done I'll feel better. I know I should be grateful to have my own house at all!

I moved into a brand new house.

Cracks in the wall from 'settling'.

Cracks in the ceiling from 'settling' being toshed together by a chippie who just wanted to go home rather than make sure the beams were secure

Nearly died from the oven being connected to the mains with a domestic power cable trapped directly underneath the oven so it melted and the breaker didn't work.

Downstairs shower was flow limited when the water pressure was so low that one wasn't needed, leading to a slow trickle.

Shower drain not connected properly, so shower water drained into the foundations.

Forgot to make sure the sink pedestal fitted before fixing the sink so it's wedged in and can never move again, resulting in the basin cracking due to the aforementioned 'settling'.

Garden dropped by 2 foot over winter.

Cracked sewer pipe.

Forgot to get permission from the owner of the land the sewer pipe crosses.

Forgot to notify Electricity Board of the existence of the meter, making it impossible to pay any bills as according to them, the property and supply doesn't exist.

Fitting the wrong size pipes for water supply so the boiler didn't work.

Forgetting to connect up the solar water heating system so it did nothing other than keep a tank of water in the loft that never made it as far as the boiler.

Forgetting to tighten up pipe joints behind a boxed in area so that water was pissing out for six months into the side wall before it was discovered. but it can't be fixed because they made that corner of the house inaccessible by building at an angle.

No connections for TV aerial but multiple aerial sockets connected to nothing.

No weather strip on the front door.

No insulation under the bay roof.

Concreted over other drains and put a shed on top to hide them.

Living room light switch in the hallway. Hallway lightswitch in the kitchen. Kitchen lightswitch in the hallway. Isolation switches labelled x, y and z did nothing and then were found to be incorrectly connected to z, y and h (a random power socket in the back of a cupboard that can't be accessed by a plug).

No insulation on lower half of back wall. It's just breeze block and brick cladding.

Cut off the overflow pipe so water pisses into the top of the sink unit because they cut the sink hole too close to the frame.

No insulation between oven and frame.

Front window wrong size for the hole, so gaps are filled with polyfilla and pebbles on the inside to try and hide it.

Etc.

Stick to your old house. It at least has managed to stay up this long - I give this one about ten years before a side falls off or something.