Was I in the wrong?

[eatlessmovemore]

Am I in the wrong here- bit of a weird one, anyway I've just done some Thankyou cards from dd for her birthday presents and partner has had a go at me because I didn't put auntie and uncle on the envelope on his side of the family and I did mine - here's why- when she received a gift from his brother and wife it has love from uncle..... and ...... ( no auntie in front of her name ) one of his aunties signed the card from auntie and the other didn't so I thought maybe they don't see them selves as auntie so instead of forcing them to be known as auntie or offending them I just done the card to mr and mrs ..... and then a standard Thankyou inside with no names, partner has had a go and said it's not really fair that I put auntie and uncle for my side of the family, dd sees my family weekly whereas she hasn't seen his side of the family for over a year despite me inviting them over etc so was I wrong for doing it this way?

If he’s got a problem then he can do the cards for his side of the family and you can do the cards for your side of the family. I’m sure he won’t go for this suggestion!

I handed him the cards for his side, and said you do them- he got all offended then a while later asked me to post them with mine otherwise they won't get posted !

He needs to do the cards himself as he is so pernickity

He can post them himself too
Don't go writing all his christmas cards either

He can't leave all the tiresome but necessary jobs to you then dictate/complain about the way you do them. He is being very unreasonable. If his sisters don't call themselves 'Auntie...' it's probably because they don't want to be. Its unusual and cringey to address an envelope for posting to 'Auntie Jane and Uncle Bob' rather than 'Mr and Mrs Jones' if it's not the child actually writing it anyway. Your husband can pipe down or do it himself, those are his options.

If it were me, next time he would get to do all of them. And I'd expect him to do it without being prompted (yer right).

Just to add he said he wanted to do them with us so I left them on the fire place for almost a week untouched !! So he was given the option

He had a go at you?

He doesn't sound very nice.

Sounds like a lazy twat.

Don't do any jobs for his side of the family.

Leave him to it.

This is how it starts for women, taking on "wimmin's jobs" bullshit, that men can't be arsed to do.

Stop.

He has now said I've taken it the wrong way !!!

You’re right to address people are they sign themselves. But on the wider point, what they all said! So you did do his in the end as you felt bad, then he had a go at you, and you think you might be wrong? No. He’s a tool. Make this the last time you do his jobs and make it crystal clear how you feel about him talking to you like that.

Course he has. Doesn’t want to have to do it himself in future!

Do you mean on the envelope? That makes even less sense to be annoyed about. I wouldn’t think to address an envelope with anything except the person’s actual name. No problem either way, but who’s going to be annoyed about you addressing an envelope with their name?

You say that you just looked at how they had signed their own names, but you are a woman, so this is obviously some sort of complicated plot to discriminate against your partner’s family. It starts with using people’s actual names on envelopes but soon they will be completely PUSHED OUT.

Crack on with your own cards and he can do his. If you’re doing them because dd is too young then they’re not really from her - they’re from you and him.

I would non-confrontationally ask him why when he could have assumed you had the best intentions he assumed the worst. And ask him to think about what his expectations are with regards to his family, if he wouldn’t think it was his job to send cards to your family then he needs to look at why he expects it if you.

If he wants it addressed a specific way he should do it.

However, it’s very rude to not even put a name on the inside and just put “thank you”. That’s really impersonal.

I agree with him. They are still your child's Aunties and Uncles even if they don't see them often.

Does he do this kind of thing a lot?

I too would have matched how they referred to themselves.

He’s making an awful lot of fuss over nothing, names on the envelope really don’t matter – who’s going to notice or care?! – but when it comes to it it’s sensible to put real names, not Uncle Bob, in case of mis-delivery.

But I also think you’re overthinking how to write the cards – is anyone really going to be offended by being called auntie when they technically are indeed an auntie? But it doesn’t matter because next time you’re only organising the cards for your side of the family and DH can get fucked.

If he’s going to be like that he can do them himself for his side. He’s being totally unreasonable.

You are correct. You address them the way they have signed the card.

He is being a dick.

But are you actually writing Uncle xxx and Auntie xxx on the envelope and posting them? Is that not a bit strange? Surely you just write the name on the envelope.

I wouldn't do anything for his side of the family ever again. He should be taking care of that himself anyway - they are his relatives. Wifework in action.

My DH has always done his own for his family because he cares more about these things than I do so wants to do it. I have never written a card out for his parent or sibling and we've been together 30 years.

You are wrong to just put “Thank you” inside the cards and no names.
If you’re going to send thank you cards I always think you should (obviously) put the name of the person you are thanking, and also specifically write what you are thanking them for, e.g. “Dear Mary and Joseph, thank you very much for the lovely teddy bear, love John” at the very least.
If you just write “Thank you” and nothing else, then the card could be from anyone about anything. Lots of people display/keep cards. They don’t keep the envelopes though.
I also wouldn’t write Auntie and Uncle on envelopes either.

If it’s the envelope then definitely mr and mrs. Inside I would take the person’s lead so if they signed auntie I would write auntie.
I do all the cards in our house because I enjoy doing them and have much neater handwriting.

Why dont they call themselves auntie and uncle? How weird. I'd have copied how they described themselves tbh so put auntie and uncle for those who called themself that if they are actually auntie and uncles

Tell him that they have shown you how they would prefer to be addressed and it would be very rude not to respect that.

And from now on he does their cards and if that means they don't get done, that is entirely his fault and you won't be stepping in because you are not his PA.

Nothing wrong with your reasoning, but I would suggest in future leaving it to him to do cards for his side of the family. It is his responsibility. We’ve got to show our kids that actually it isn’t down to Mum to do all the emotional labour.