To ask if you would find this offensive?

[MiaMarshmallows]

A couple,early thirties with a baby
And a single 37 year old woman.

The 37 year old gets told by someone who knows them all 'I just would never think of you in the same age bracket as Paul and Emma.'

Not me, just interested in others opinions as the 37 year old in this case was very offended.

@MiaMarshmallows

She does look about 15 years younger than 37 so I am guessing it's a sore point. I am not joking or exaggerating when I say that either.

Realistically no-one really looks 15 years younger than their actual age. Ok a tiny minority (of non celebs) do but on Mumsnet it seems to be quite the thing (albeit rarely accompanied by a photo).

But if what you're saying is true, then how is it not obvious the comment related to her looks only?

Realistically no-one really looks 15 years younger than their actual age.

well, most people don't look their exact age, but that goes either way, so depending who you are comparing too, it's quite possible

So they thought she was younger and she’s offended?

I would be delighted.

15 years younger than 37 is 22. I doubt she looks 22. I'd take it as a compliment, personally, that they think she looks younger than she is. Although I guess it could go the other way too.

I thought you were going to say the opposite. She should be delighted not offended, so she is BU.

I'd have taken it as the 37 year old being considered older than she actually is.
I'm sure she doesn't look anything approaching 15 years younger 😂

I sort of understand...not everyone sees being "seen to be younger" as a good thing. It sounds as though the other person is suggesting a lack of maturity just because someone isn't married with children. Extremely irritating and uncalled-for, I wouldn't like it either.

Everyone shaves at least 3-5 years off when they guess a woman's age. They may say she looks 32, but they mean 37 anyway.

How does this comparison even come up? Unless she's leading the conversation - she's setting secret tests and getting offended when the test is failed - which is what she wants to happen. If she thinks it's meant to suggest she's immature or dull etc, I'd say that's down to projection or insecurity.

Is it more about her being older and single with no children? Maybe she‘a sensitive to the fact she would like to settle down and have a family and took offence that she looks too young (22!!) to do that? More to it I expect...

It's a non event.

Two people in their early 30s + one person aged 37 = three people in their 30s = same age group innit.

On the other hand, i accidentally aged someone by a decade this week, thinking their significant birthday was even more significant. Im back pedalling as fast as i can... 😂

She was offended as she took it as them seeing her as immature as she doesn't have the kids and the husband.
I'm not sure how I would feel personally
I thought it was meant the other way around, that she looked like an old sprinter!

If the other way, then surely it's a compliment?

I'm childfree - I couldn't give a toss what others think of my maturity. What's the point in minutely analysing other people's throwaway comments?

Well, if she’s offended because she thinks they think she’s immature she’s just nicely proved their point hasn’t she?

But of an own goal there. If I hadn’t thought she was immature before that, I certainly would think so after.

@CeibaTree

Sounds like more of a dig against Paul and Emma!

Yep.

Isnt this a compliment ?

Is she short? I’m 35 and still get asked for ID in the supermarket. I was pushing my kids on the swings, and was told I was lovely with my little brothers and sisters. I don’t think I look young. But people don’t look closely, they just see a short person and think ‘young’

In don’t think it’s a compliment, really. No one is saying you look good, just younger. It’s also quite inconvenient now most stores have started adding non age restricted products into their Challenge 25, so I’ve been told I can’t buy Calpol because I don’t have ID on me. As a comment, it’s not a big deal, and could be taken as a compliment, but if it happens all the time maybe it’s annoying.

I think it could be taken either way.

I'm Emma here - 36, married, mortgage, two young kids. My best friend is the same age, single, living at home and struggling to buy an apartment. I know she would love marriage and kids but it hasn't happened and isn't likely to now (another thread). I'd be a dick if I said she seems like she's a different age, even though we are at very different stages of life, because it would be rubbing her face in it.

OTOH, when I was mid twenties, my boss and my cousin's wife both turned 40. Boss worked full-time and had three kids and obviously enough seemed older than cousin's wife who was child free with a very active social life, out every weekend etc. If they'd stood side by side, I don't think she'd have enjoyed having it pointed out that she was as old as my boss as she could've easily passed for ten years younger.

Seems like one of those stupid things people say with hidden connatations.

Is she meaning 37 yr old is maturer or less mature?

Either way it's a dig at one of them. So I can see why offense was taken. Age is just a number, let people be themselves.

I don’t get the issue either. I would be flattered if I was told that I looked younger than my actual age, not offended.

I thought this was going to be the other way round. But then last year i bumped into a woman who's family has lived across the road from us when we were kids. She left the local secondary school after year 11 and went to the college rather than do A levels at the school. She left the year I joined that school, so we weren't there at the same time. I'd always thought of her as a completely different generation to me, but she's only 5 years older. Seemed odd to realise she's basically at the same life stage to me.

Its a life stage thing, the 37 year old single woman is at a "younger" life stage so seems younger.

She's projecting I think.
I too would be delighted if it was said that I seemed younger than my peers especially at my age!
Honestly she genuinely does look 15 years younger, very short and slim. I know though that she has a lot of insecurities about this and about not having kids or a husband. She does seem much younger than people even a couple of years younger than her but some just give off a younge vibe. I know a 45 year old who could be mistaken for being in her sixties so it goes the other way as well.

I guess everyone has their insecurities and this is hers.

No I wouldn’t be offended. I’d weirdly take it as validation of my life choices - staying single makes you look younger! This is coming from someone who has aged five years in the five months she’s had a baby.

I remember a time when I was in my early to mid thirties and my siblings were all getting married and having children and I got a few similar comments thrown my way. If I’d been happily single and child free they’d have been water off a duck’s back, but I really wanted a family and throwaway comments about me still living the life they had in their twenties really stung. The issue was with me, but I felt like I was being accused of being immature and lazy for not having children. So yes, I get it.

I’m curious when you would start being delighted that people think you look younger than you are. If you’re 25 and people think you’re 16 would you really be pleased?

It depends on the context really. I can see how it might be viewed as a dig if they were implying the 37yo was immature or ‘behind’ in life.