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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I keep in contact

2 replies

Spotify82 · 28/10/2020 19:20

So since I was married, I have ALWAYS been the first to message my sister in laws, my brother in laws wives, nieces etc. I always am the first one to be in contact and ask how anyone is. If I don't message them, guaranteed they wont take the initiative, I still contact them thinking it is petty. Some of them reply, some of them take 3 or 4 days to reply. Some reply with a simple 'I'm good how are you' they dont really try to initiate conversation, or reciprocate my attempts.

During lockdown we decided to to bake and drop off (at their door steps) just to cheer everyone up.
One of the sister in laws got COVID and my husband and I went to drop food off the MIL had made (left at the door). I then decided I would cook and and boxed everything up to drop off and got a phone call saying they didnt need it and had so much. Instead they said they were going to visit their mum because she had it bad and because their 14 days were over. I was I'll myself (if you check another thread I have blood coming out of my urinary tract possible endometriosis if the bladder). I'm in constant pain.

I messaged their daughter asking how everyone was and why they didnt want food. I told her I was unwell and had cooked. Anyway i left it.

Now the thing is, I haven't even so much as got s text from any of the family. I spoke to one SIL who is nice to me, but doesnt speak english, however still tries to communicate). The rest of them have not bothered yo message me, albeit they do not know I'm not well, but am I being unreasonable to think they should message me for a change?

I have never ever in the 2.5 years since I've been married got contact from them. I am always the first. Now I'm not well, they don't know this but am I expecting too much that they should think 'Oh wait, she's always contacting us and we havent heard from her in weeks, she works I a acjool during a pandemic, lets just ask about her she always asks about us'?

Am I being really petty? It just makes me feel a bit sad to be honest. I mean I'm not exactly going message people who dont contact me for months and say hello I am very unwell at the moment. How are you?

Jist needed a vent.

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 28/10/2020 19:29

Honestly... I think you need to step back now.
You don't need to initiate contact every time.
Just let them know that you're available to help and leave it at that.
There is a danger that you might be seen to be trying too hard.
You sound like a wonderful, warm and friendly person... don't let other people take advantage of that.
💐

Spotify82 · 28/10/2020 19:39

@1Morewineplease

Honestly... I think you need to step back now. You don't need to initiate contact every time. Just let them know that you're available to help and leave it at that. There is a danger that you might be seen to be trying too hard. You sound like a wonderful, warm and friendly person... don't let other people take advantage of that. 💐
You're right. I was thinking exactly the same. I mean they may not want much contact with me and I am pushing it. Either way, I'm satisfied I am not being petty.

Thank you for the flowers.
Flowers Cake
I added a slice of cake for you. Smile

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