Friend breaking rules

[PandemicPalava]

My child's class has to isolate until Tuesday next week due to a child having a positive test last week. My friend has a son in the same class and has done a couple of things which are bothering me.

1. Pretended her child has symptoms to get a test

1. Negative result - thinks it's ok to now go out and about over half term with her son and baby. This isn't the case as when you have no symptoms the test won't pick up incubating disease. All the literature clearly states whether a negative result or not, 14 days still stands

1. She is trying to get me to pretend my daughter has symptoms to get a test so we can go out

I am avoiding her messages as I'm so cross. I'm worried she's going to come knock on my door when my daughter is here in isolation trying her best to stay positive. I can deal with the drama side as it's not unusual for her but I'm mad!

I don't want this to ruin our friendship - I do really love her and her family despite the occasional drama - but I don't know what to do.

AIBU to be annoyed that she is potentially allowing her son to spread Covid-19?

Wondering if this would be better in the coronavirus topic I've just realised exists

I can't ask for this to be moved! The button isn't working on the app

YANBU, she's wasting a test for her own convenience and trying to game the system. In your position I'd say 'Sorry, I'm not comfortable doing that' - she should respect that if she's a friend.

I would report her to the school to start with as they need to be clear with parents that this isn’t the way to deal with bubble isolation.

You are right to feel uncomfortable - she is totally making a mockery of self isolation a S putting others potentially at risk.

It must be hard when you are close friends but I would also be making it clear it wasn’t okay and the reasons why!

YANBU. She sounds like a dick and/or really thick.

@Echobelly yes I agree but she's got it completely wrong as even with a negative result he should still be isolating. It's like she wants to get round it and drag me with her. I will say that. I just hope we don't get into a debate about it

Don’t ignore her. Tell her you don’t agree and you don’t want to meet up.

@mooity that's not a bad idea, I could do it anonymously even so they could send out a reminder

@TenThousandSpoons yes! Not sure which one is worse

@Yesmate I'm worried she'll ask why and I'll have to explain the whole 14 day thing. I'm not sure whether she is stupid and knows what she's doing or genuinely thinks the 14 days doesn't apply as she's managed to be clever

YANBU - what a dimwit. Just tell her very firmly that what she’s suggesting is socially irresponsible and you don’t feel comfortable doing it. I’d honestly distance myself from a friend if they behaved like that - if she’s showing such total disregard for other people’s safety she can’t be a very nice person to be around.

@Grapefruitcauliflower it's odd as I know she's a bit of a rule breaker but usually little things, harmless things, but it's manifesting in weird ways in the pandemic which are making me question our friendship. It's very hard as we're very close. This has shocked me. I wonder whether she just doesn't realise a negative test when you have no symptoms just means it may still develop within the 14 days and you have to stay in. I may try and broach this and see if she realises what she's doing.

What other rules does she break?!

@Rotundandhappy oh just things like her son having days off for things she doesn't tell the school about, days out etc, lock ins at the pub, drives a bit fast (realise this one isn't great)

Is there a chance she genuinely doesn’t know that a negative test means you still can’t go out? Because tbh if she wanted to just flounce the rules she wouldn’t have got a test- surely she could just be confused?
As for telling the school- sorry but some friend you are!!!

Why don’t you just explain the ‘rules’ to her if she’s a good friend of yours ?

When she said she had faked symptoms to get a test I said on WhatsApp something like 'that's a good result but shame it doesn't mean you can go out and about.' I'm not sure she got it.

As for telling the school - I wouldn't say it was her, just that I was aware some people weren't isolating and were thinking a negative test meant etc etc. I don't really give a shit about that - she's being an idiot and if a nudge from the school helps make her stay in it's a gold thing. Nothing to do with being a good friend!

YANBU.

I guess the best case scenario is that she genuinely doesn’t understand the rules.
It might be worth explicitly spelling them out to her?

She is an idiot and putting other people at risk. People like this make me so angry!! I think I’d have to tell her

I suspect she genuinely doesn't realise what she's doing isn't ok. I'd tell her, but try for a light-hearted and non judgemental tone so she doesn't get pissed off.

Why are you considering putting the onus on the school to tell her something you're capable of saying yourself? They've got more than enough on their plate without policing all the parents. It's not their role.

Simply say "There's no point in getting a test for my DC. We still can't go out even if it's negative. The 14 day rule still stands whatever the result. Look forward to seeing you when the 14 days are up"

Seriously, your WhatsApp comment was just wussy. Be calm and straightforward. You don't have to be judgy with her. Just state what you'll be doing.

I quite like saraclara's reply ^

She's an idiot. A friend of mine did the same thing, her adult dd who she lived with tested positive, rather than isolate with her she got a test, tested negative and decided to move in with her dsis, because she didn't want to catch it from her own DD. Needless to say she was already incubating it, her dsis and family noe all have it and one is now in hospital getting treatment. She needs to stay at home for 14 days

I would add a bit to saraclara’s to explain why it doesn’t apply

“Tests can’t test if you’ve been infected, only if you’re actually ill. So up to 14 days you can still have been infected but not have a positive test yet. That’s why we have to keep isolating even if we have a negative test and there’s no point in testing without symptoms. Even if dd tests negative that doesn’t mean she won’t develop symptoms in a couple of days time.”

Yes I think if you say something, you need to say why the 14 days is important.