To not see any joy in the world?

[Jericoo]

I hate everything, I see no joy in anything. I had spent 6 years pre-Covid getting to a stable point with my MH, doing copious amounts of counselling, medication adjustments, fighting tooth-and-nail and I was starting to feel happy for the first time ever. Now lockdown has taken all of that from me. My MH was as bad as it was 6 years ago, and now I can't even access counselling because of the NHS rules - I've been told I have to wait 3 years to even go on the waiting list to get counselling again. I can't afford to go private. How is this fair? What was the point in any of the work I put in?

*is as bad as it was 6 years ago

I had lost 20kg that I put on binge-eating, and now put it all back on over lockdown

Why do you have to wait 3 yrs to even go on a waiting list OP?

Hi op
I think a lot of people are struggling with mental health at the moment, so please know you aren't alone.
When I am really down, I tend to go for walks, or binge watch my favourite series.

Are you getting out and about preferably in nature? It's not a magic solution but I certainly feel brighter after a trip to the beach, woods or park.

What is it particularly that makes you feel like this? And what is it about covud you are finding challenging? Are you in an area on tier 2 and 3 so your movement is restricted, are you back At work, stuck working from home or not working?

So sorry op. It’s really hard times and you should be able to access help without a wait list that ridiculous.

Hi all thank you for your messages. I was told by my psychiatrist that because of the amount of NHS counselling I have had (many many years, including a 2-year intensive treatment), I have to wait 3 years. Something about making sure everyone can access the services, as they are so stretched anyway?

I could have written the same post. Ptsd and a few other bits here. Finished therapy last year and 2020 was meant to be amazing. 3 holidays booked doing stuff that would have been impossible a few years ago, great friends and had actually started to think I was okay. Then the pandemic happened, nearly got sectioned in May and am struggling to find a reason to be here.

I've got one year of another University course to go and was planning on doing a Social Work Postgraduate afterwards as I've worked in related fields. This year has shown that was a stupid idea and now I can't see my future at all.

No advice but you're not alone OP

I do love to spend time in nature, I live in a very urban area and can't drive (due to the MH stuff) so there's a limit on the kind of places I can access - there's only so many times you can go to the same 5 parks before they start making you feel worse. I think I read a thread on here about people getting fed up with daily walks over lockdown, the monotony

I am in Tier 2

There are some mental health apps you could try. Might any of those help?

www.nhs.uk/apps-library/category/mental-health/

I am so sorry to read that Dinosaur, your post had me in tears. I also have uni left to complete (study at home now). I really wish you had got to go on the 3 holidays, you really value this stuff so much when you have been unable to do things for so long . Why is social work now a bad idea? Is it because of social distancing?

And you people talk crap about America's system....

@Leaannb

And you people talk crap about America's system....

What's that got to do with the price of eggs?

Stop trying to derail.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low.

The work you did is absolutely not wasted though. It will stand to you and help you navigate your way through this.

What exactly is it about covid that's having this effect? Do you live alone, are you able to see anyone, outdoors to keep with guidance? I'm not up to date on the different rules in different areas of the UK.

Regarding the counselling - are there any charities who offer support for your mental health diagnosis? What about online peer support groups? I'm sure you've already thought of those, but wanted to mention just in case. I have diabetes for example, and the online community is very supportive.

Is the MH decline because of conspiracy worries? I find this verse from the Bible helpful ...

Do not call conspiracy everything this people calls conspiracy, do not fear what they fear, and do not dread what they dread. The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread"

obviously YANBU, and I really sympathise.

As a coping strategy I would recommend what a previous poster said, which is to look at the mental health apps provided by the NHS. I used MyPossibleSelf for a while, and found it very useful.

I also find crocheting a life saver. Yes, I know it sounds glib, but I'm making a multi coloured blanket and the colour helps my mood. I wear clothes that are as colourful as possible, including brightly coloured woolly tights.

Even though it's boring, get outside as much as you can. If you find it boring (which I do, sometimes) listen to an audio book as you go along.

I also find the prayer of Teresa of Avila useful. I learnt it by heart (it's short) and used to recite it as a mantra as a walked.

You are where you are at the moment. None of us can change external circumstances, but we can change our response to them.

But I appreciate that you might find all of this no use at all, and I do sympathise.

You need to use the tools and skills to help yourself now.
It is not ideal for anyone.
Challenge yourself. Anyone would get depressed stuck in for months no exercise, bad food, regaining 20lb.
You need to find the strenght to challenge yourself a small walk every day/night I'm not saying it is easy I fight depression regularly you can make personal changes to help your fight.

Massive sympathy to you OP.

Here are a few things that help me, although I'm not at all trying to minimize your feelings...

Go for a walk every day, regardless of weather, how I feel, etc. I vary my walks and listen to bbc sounds or audio books. Recently I've been listening to a radio 4 extra version of a Poirot story, and the audio book of Game of Thrones. Sometimes I walk around residential streets and sometimes I head out of my village to footpaths around fields.

Have a routine. I work part-time (teacher) but my days off are structured otherwise I start to feel low. For example I do house work, cooking and baking in the morning, go for a walk after lunch, then watch a film or drama on TV and do some knitting or embroidery. I plan what I'm going to watch, not just aimlessly channel flick.

I'm learning a language on duolingo. I log on every day and it's something different to think about.

I meditate every day using the Calm app. I love it.

I phone my parents regularly, and keep in contact with other family and friends via email, text, etc.

I used to meet a friend for coffee once a week but I'm in tier 3 and not allowed to meet anyone. Also hospitality venues are only allowed to open for meals so that will have to stop.

Keep on top of things like wearing clothes I like, putting on a bit of make up, keeping the house clean, eating healthy food etc. It's very easy for me to just wear pyjamas and eat cheese on toast and chocolate, but I know I will end up feeling worse.

Try to remember that this is a temporary blip.

...and I forgot to say, I find doing Adriene yoga every morning really helps

link

I don't believe depression is a choice at all but the choices we make when depressed keep us there. The negative self talk etc.
I read a book years ago Choice theory Dr W Glassier. It explains how a depressed mind has choices it can be choose to not wash the dishes or wash them while depressed, once you realise you can spend the day sleeping or take a walk while depressed it is your decision ultimately how you depress while depressed you challenge yourself.