Ginger & worried about the future.

[Noimusntforget]

Our gorgeous toddler Dd has red/ginger hair, she’s very pale, with blue eyes and barely there eyebrows and eyelashes.
We’re both dark haired, with tanned skin and blue eyes, our girl doesn’t really look like us yet. Where we are (not in the uk) ginger hair is seen as very unusual and special, but we plan to move back to the uk in the next few years. I have a red headed friend who was bullied for years. When I look at my sweet, innocent girl, I feel fearful for the way she might be treated in a few years.
Anyone else have a red headed child? Is her colouring likely to change at this stage (2.4 months old)
Her hair and colouring is stunning and special to us, but people can be arseholes in life and I feel sad if she’ll have to encounter that.

[ThursdayLastWeek]

Kids at my school tried to tease me about my red hair, but I was such a cocky little thing I just didn’t get it.
I remember saying back, 'ooh, you’ve got BROWN hair - that doesn’t hurt your feelings does it??'

Don’t give your kid a reason to buy into what the bullies are saying.

[Jux]

From what I remember of school in the 60s/70s red heads were not bullied for being red heads. There were 3 remarkably red haired girl in my class and people tended to be admiring (and maybe slightly envious) of their hair, rather than finding it a cause for bullying. I know there was a point in the 80s? when that changed quite a lot, but thought it had been dissipating over the last 10-15 years?

I think mainly, if a child is going to be bullied the bullies will find something to bully them about. Perhaps you can teach her to laugh at anyone who tries it. A bully will try to bully anyone around them, and will focus on the ones who react in a certain way. The ones who don't, who aren't susceptible to it will get left alone as there are always easier targets. If you're not sure, read up about bullying and find out what would make her an easy target and work on that.

[Londoncatshed]

Some children have no obvious differences and are bullied terribly and even when moved to new groups, schools etc are still bullied. Other children have much more to contend with than a more unusual hair colour and cope brilliantly. How you bring her up and talk about her hair will have a huge impact on how she feels about it. Don’t make ‘ginger’ a bad word by only referring to her hair as gold or strawberry blonde. Let me own her hair for its brilliance.
One of the most popular teenagers a know has bright ginger hair and is stunning. She also knows it and laps up the attention and so she should.

Don’t let your fear transfer to your child and count your lucky stars that this difference. as you see it, is very small. Really, so many of us have much more to contend with our kids and I’m sure many would wish red hair was their main worry.

[Londoncatshed]

Let her own... that should read.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I was bullied in childhood and dyed my hair blonde. I'm now working very hard to get beautiful ginger hair! Just reassure her that its gorgeous. Some people will always find something to ge vile about.

[mrsmuddlepies]

I think the bullying about being ginger started because it was seen as an Irish/Scottish characteristic. I have been bullied by adults for having ginger hair. I now ask bluntly if it is due to racism.

[CleverCatty]

@Noimusntforget

Our gorgeous toddler Dd has red/ginger hair, she’s very pale, with blue eyes and barely there eyebrows and eyelashes.
We’re both dark haired, with tanned skin and blue eyes, our girl doesn’t really look like us yet. Where we are (not in the uk) ginger hair is seen as very unusual and special, but we plan to move back to the uk in the next few years. I have a red headed friend who was bullied for years. When I look at my sweet, innocent girl, I feel fearful for the way she might be treated in a few years.
Anyone else have a red headed child? Is her colouring likely to change at this stage (2.4 months old)
Her hair and colouring is stunning and special to us, but people can be arseholes in life and I feel sad if she’ll have to encounter that.

I've personally not encountered this now or heard of it. Not ginger.

Funnily enough a school friend of mine who was a ginger (red head) has actually done very well for herself in business so didn't hold her back and I also knew someone who had very red hair (privately educated and also lived in HK) who seemed to do very well too.

I really don't think it's an issue here unless you make it one.

[CleverCatty]

I was teased in primary school due to wearing glasses and then bullied on and off in secondary school - didn't have to wear glasses.

However, looking back on things - I think my DM didn't instil much resilience in me in primary school and if I'd had children I would definitely do that now. Just because in primary school I was quiet, shy etc.

[earthyfire]

My natural colour is auburn it goes lighter in summer but a dark chestnut colour in winter. I was never bullied at school. I sometimes got the odd ginger comment when someone couldn't think of anything original to say but I always had something to say back and it was usually the first and last time they ever said it after a comeback from me! I got so many more compliments about my hair than I ever did negative. My parents both had very dark hair. I am however currently blonde now as I like a change like the rest! Oh and I'm into my 40s now and I still don't have a grey hair...I think redheads keep their colour but that might be a myth! 🤣

[Gwenhwyfar]

It's males who are teased about being ginger isn't it? It's seen as desirable for women. At least it is for me as I've spent a lot of money trying to be ginger!

[Longtalljosie]

We’re not in the UK at present but we left when DD was 7 and the only comments we got were from adults slightly older than me - passive aggressive stuff on the supermarket till like “so where does the hair come from then?”. That doesn’t sound rude but the tone was very much “who’s at fault” - and when you answered “it has to be on both sides” rather than sounding interested they’d sort of fall a bit flat, like they were trying to catch you out and failed. We had one teen yelling “ginger baby” when she was 1 and another older lady when DD was crying in the car park saying “I’m tired and I’m ginger, is that it?” (she regretted it). But in her peer group - nothing. And nothing since.

[JeanMichelBisquiat]

That’s not prejudice! DDs family nickname is “Ginger” and she is totally happy with it!

Really?! Um, that'd be like my whole family calling classes-wearing DS "four eyes" as his nickname? Sorry, I do think nicknaming your kid along the lines of their unusual physical characteristic is maybe not the best idea - whatever that characteristic is.

Anyway, back to the OP - I grew up in the 80s to mid 90s, and had no teasing at all, apart from one fucking horrible incident on a train with my boyfriend in my teens, with a big gang of drunk men shouting shit for ages about "collar and cuffs" etc etc - I can't STAND the term ginger as a result of that. However, don't let that upset you; I'm sure they'd have found another way to harass a teenage girl in other ways, so I don't think the hair made me a target.

During discussions on this topic, secondary age DD says there's no bullying on the grounds of red hair.

So hopefully your DD will be fine. And congratulations - my DC haven't inherited my hair, so I always feel a little surge of happiness when I see a new baby redhead in the world

[Blondiney]

@Bingomangoes

My child doesnt have red hair but does have birthmarks. A wise teacher friend reassured me that its personality type that determines whether a child suffers bullying or not, not what they look like. Some beautiful children are bullied while some with obvious differences are not. My son, now 10, has experienced no bullying, he's had comments but knows how to deal with them and brush them off. I'm guessing secondary school will be the true test but he's resilient, confident and funny, I have high hopes he'll be ok.

Did your 'wise teacher friend' happen to expand on what type of personality type gets bullied?

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

My niece's are both ginger and their (( ginger )) parents got in first with bigging up the ginger hair and also a little ribbing and teasing because they knew it would come.

Yes, they got names. But it was water off a ducks back by then.

[MrsToothyBitch]

I went to school with a few red heads. Only one of them ever came in for any real teasing and that was due to her height (really, really tall) rather than her really beautiful hair.

She was also extremely unpleasant to me but I never had any quarrels with her over her hair colour! I think gingers are gorgeous!

[SnaggleBeast]

My DD's good friend (year 5) has the very same colouring and she is one of the most popular in the class. No bullying at all.

[PurpleMustang]

To be honest, I wouldn't worry a whole lot. I am sure most kids from when they are born or as they get older could be picked on for one reason or another. With my son over the years, it could of been his name, his height or his glasses. I have brought him up by saying for instance with his name, "going from what relatives have been called you couod get called 'this' or 'that' and it is best if you are ok with them, and have a like with them so if someone says it you can shrug it off or laugh with them. If a bully see you cower because of it it will be a whole lot worse. So best to just embrace it

[caperplips]

I'm a red head and was never bullied, only ever complimented

[laidbacklife]

Could jibes be more prevalent amongst boys? We had plenty of ginger and auburn haired girls at my school (admittedly, all-girls school) and never heard anything mentioned.
In my 20s however I had a ginger boyfriend who used to have random male strangers throwing insults at him due to his hair colour. When it first happened in front of me (car whizzed past, bloke leant out shouted an insult) I was totally shocked but boyfriend just shrugged, laughed and said it happened all the time. V bizarre!!

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

Things are not the same as they used to be in my experience.

I was ginger before my hair color faded and I was bullied a lot at school, I am late 40's.

Ds1 is bright carrot ginger and has never been teased. There seem to be so many more red heads around these days and he has always been fine. He's 18 now.

I do think as well that on the whole schools are also much better at dealing with bullying and tolerate a lot less than when I was at school.

Please don't worry, your daughter will almost certainly be fine.

[florascotia2]

One of my best friends at school had lovely red hair - and many more admirers than most of us. Several members of my family have red hair, too, and it has most certainly not been a disadvantage to them.
Just call it red or golden or strawberry blonde and be positive. Here in Scotland it's not unusual, but elsewhere it has rarity value. Think of the Italian artist Titian, for example, who chose redheads as his most beautiful models.

[chipshopElvis]

My daughter has beautiful bright ginger hair (lucky girl). We and others have only given her positivity about her hair, she loves it as much as we do. Every drawing she has ever done has ginger hair. If any one teased her she would be likely to kick their arse as she is no shrinking violet, but it has never come up, she is nearly 10 so time yet I suppose but I'm not worried. Don't stress just give positivity.

[rougebuterfly]

I am a redhead and I get loads of compliments about about my hair.

[RuffleCrow]

don't worry! I think red hair is much more common in the young in the uk than it was when we were at school. Dd is one of about 20 in her year group (about 250 kids) whereas when i was at school there were maybe 3 (and only one was a girl, poor kid). There's safety in numbers.