Visiting a new mother, protocol

[Vilanelle]

AIBU?

I am a first time mother to a now 4 month old. Partner is back in work and although I have a rough routine, some days are a struggle. Little things like getting dinner ready for dp coming home (not that this is a requirement by dp).

Anyway a few weeks back my SIL came to visit. House was a bit of a mess and I had just put baby down for a nap. Firstly she asks me to wake him so she can have snuggles. Told her no. This is a common thing, I think shes bat shit.

Then she asked if I could make her a sandwich, I was a bit taken aback (aren't visitors supposed to help out and make you a cuppa?) But made one anyway. Whilst I was in the kitchen my baby miraculously woke crying despite only been down for around 10 minutes. I asked if she had woke him but she said no. I don't believe her.

The other week she has come round with neice uninvited again (we are a bubble btw) and spend the time playing with him thrn ask me to male them sandwiches. I said no, I dont have anything in.

AIBU to find this rude or am I being sensitive because I fucking really dislike my in laws who have brought on depression and anxiety, seriously long story.

My mother always said answer the door with your coat on , if it's a visitor you would like to see you say oh I just got back , if it's someone you don't want to see you say oh sorry I'm just leaving . A neighbour gave her that advice because she was constantly having another neighbour drop her baby and disappear

Why are you in a support bubble with someone you don't like? Does she actually come round much to see her brother or is it just you?
I think if you're agreeing to be in a support bubble then it implies a level of closeness where I wouldn't expect to have to make an appointment to come round but then I'd also expect if you're stuck under baby feeding and gets is older for you to say to her "pop the kettle on" or if she asks for one for you to say "help yourself" but also I'd offer her one of I wanted one myself.
Re for I think it depends. If you're skint and that extra food is an issue, it's an issue. You didn't invite her for lunch, you're under no obligation to feed her. In which case you be honest and say you have no extra food in bit of she wants to pop to the shops to grab something you can look after the little one etc.
If you can afford to make her a sandwich and it's an acceptable meal time then I'd make her one when I made mine / direct her to the kitchen. I couldn't imagine refusing to feed anyone who asked unless she obviously comes in and takes the pee

Whether someone had a baby or not I would never go into someones house and ask them to make me a sandwich. How bloody rude?! I would also never wake anyones child of any age.
You need to put your foot down with her. I dint think you can expect help 4 months in but she's being rude by coming unannounced, expecting you to feed her and waking your child.

@Lucindainthesky

You should be offering drinks, not expecting them to be made for you! Your baby is 4 months old not 4 days old.

If you don't want to be a polite host then don't allow visitors in the first place.

People should wait for an invite. Not just show up uninvited

@flaviaritt

Its rude as hell to invite yourself to someone's house for lunch

Yes, but when it’s family it’s not quite the same in my eyes. I wouldn’t ask a casual friend to make me a sandwich but I’d ask my sister.

Ots still rude to invite yourself. Why do you expect better behavior from your friends but not your family

Leaannb

I just wouldn’t think of my sister asking for something quick to eat as rude.

Can't she just make her own sandwich at your house if you have the necessary ingredients?

Or better yet she could make herself a sandwich at her own house.

OP why is she in your support bubble if you don't like her?

I think you’re both at fault to an extent.

I don’t like people just turning up, and I also think it’s very rude to ask someone to make you a sandwich.

On the other hand, YABU to expect people to treat you with kid gloves and come round and make you cups of tea in your own house at 4 months after the birth of your baby. That’s ridiculous.

If someone comes round, you are the host and you should make them a cup of tea.

Whether they should have come in the first place is a different matter though!