Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about nursery

18 replies

Thisisnotataste · 28/10/2020 11:56

DD is about 1 year old now and has been going to nursery for 3 weeks. She seems to hate it. She grizzles when we drop her off (I know... normal) but they say she cries on and off most of the day unless she's being held or sung to.
She doesn't really cry at home, and being 3rd child is happy to entertain herself for short periods at home.
When I call nursery they are very reassuring and sound very kind but I can hear her crying in the background. She's barely eating there and she loves her food (though she's drinks all her milk) and won't sleep there at all.
She's teething and getting over an infection but she seems well at home.

its all compounded by noy being able to go into nursery and see how they're doing.

I dont know what to do. I'm verging on quitting my job (which I really shouldn't do as it will be very hard to get another job thats so good and flexible) just to be able to have her here at home with me for an extra 6 months.
DH thinks I'm being silly and she'll be OK. But it seems so unfair to have her unhappy. She's done nothing to deserve to spend the day unhappy. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
welshweasel · 28/10/2020 11:57

3 weeks isn’t very long. Is she there every day?

Ohalrightthen · 28/10/2020 11:59

3 weeks is nothing, I'd reevaluate after 3 months. Are either of her siblings at the same nursery?

Original poster
Thisisnotataste · 28/10/2020 12:02

No they're all older
I know 3 weeks isn't long but if she's unhappy everyday all day I would guess 3 weeks seems very long to her. It does to me.
Shes there 4 days a week.

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 28/10/2020 12:03

If she's teething and has an infection it makes sense that she'd be harder to settle. 3 weeks isn't long enough for her to have got used to it properly, especially if she's been poorly.

Original poster
Thisisnotataste · 28/10/2020 12:07

I know this doesn't seem big in the grand scheme of things but I can't work for worrying. I never had these worries for my other 2. They cried on drop off but then had a lovely time

OP posts:
rottiemum88 · 28/10/2020 12:07

There's a bigger picture to consider in every family; how important is your job/the flexibility it offers in that bigger picture? Would you survive financially without it for example, including in 6 months time if you struggle to find another one?

Personally I agree with PPs that 3 weeks is much too early to decide and you need to give it longer to make a true assessment. Nursery is always going to be an adjustment. If you start the process again in 6 months that'll still be true, except she'll be even more attached to you and your routine.

fishonabicycle · 28/10/2020 12:10

My son took a while to settle at Nursery - but I couldn't find anywhere else and needed my job. it took about 2 months but then he was fine.

anon444877 · 28/10/2020 12:18

I wouldn't quit after 3 weeks and I'd look for a CM as back up first before quitting. One of mine hates nursery and we slugged it out for years, I don't advise that but give it 6 weeks and try alternate provision before doing anything job wise.
I know it's miserable when they're not happy.

Original poster
Thisisnotataste · 28/10/2020 12:19

Ok. Give it a few more weeks at least. I know that sounds sensible. Bug how do I stop worrying?

OP posts:
mintyfreshh · 28/10/2020 12:20

I would look at a CM too. My DD started going at 1 and I think the home from home setting, with fewer kids, was much less overwhelming. Her childminder takes them out to the park, pumpkin patch, local farm etc and they all bundle on the sofa after lunch for a bit of Mr Tumble.

anon444877 · 28/10/2020 12:40

I wish I knew how to stop worrying - 6 weeks of anything isn't enough time to damage your dd permanently. Can you take a day or two off sick with her to reset things?

The noise and too many kids bothered my dd at nursery we think. She also plays better with mixed ages.

TotorosFurryBehind · 28/10/2020 12:41

I understand OP, I was lucky DD settled relatively quickly or I would have certainly quit my job, to hell with the financial consequences.

Is there any possibility of you or dad working shorter days so your DD can do short days at nursery whilst settling. We started with 3 hours a day, as our DD was a bad sleeper.and we didn't want to get into a situation where she was getting tired and upset.

Original poster
Thisisnotataste · 28/10/2020 12:45

The short days is a good idea. Maybe I can use leave to shorten my days for a few weeks. Thanks for the suggestions.

And if it still doesn't get better, CM. I have no idea how to find a good CM though. They seems to be like unicorns round here...

OP posts:
happytoday73 · 28/10/2020 12:46

If she was on only child I would think it was more the busy environment and less 1-2-1 contact. But obviously less likely in this case.
I pulled my youngest child out of one nursery and onto another at 6 weeks for similar reasons.. He settled straight away and was fine at new place... Couldn't put my finger on what wrong with previous but at 8 months old he clearly wasn't happy

Original poster
Thisisnotataste · 28/10/2020 12:54

Its a new nursery as we've moved since last DC was a baby. We could go back to the original one if they had room. It would be awkward in the mornings but doable.
I like the carers - at least the ones I've met which because of Covid isn't all of them but on the phone they sound kind. Its smaller than our previous nursery.

OP posts:
anon444877 · 29/10/2020 16:07

let us know how the shorter days are - it's a tough equation, a longer commute in the morning my dc also wouldn't have liked as it cuts their time for pickling about at home in the morning.

SnackSizeRaisin · 29/10/2020 16:15

I would try the shorter days for a couple of weeks. If she's still unhappy I would try and take her out, if I could manage money and job wise. You might be able to take unpaid parental leave. Maybe try either a CM or different nursery. She is very young. Personally I don't think it's right to send children that age to nursery if they cry all the time. I know some people have to (and some babies are fine at nursery) but don't be made to feel "soft" for trying to make your baby happy

anon444877 · 29/10/2020 16:34

Yes completely agree with that, some babies just don't do well at nursery - mine never settled well. But you need to evaluate all options that's all.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread