To hire a nanny and offer her this set up?

[plplz]

A quick run down, five-month old DD and have had her nursery for a month or so, and she's not been doing as well as we would like, so looking at a nanny.

The dilemma is that it's only a few months before I think she would do a lot better in the nursery, and the costs of a nanny are eye-watering.

We interviewed a great nanny who isn’t working at the moment, and while I would love to have her in I don't want to mess her about.

Would it be unreasonable to ask her to work for us while she finds a suitable gig, and pay her cash (would probably meet her halfway between her gross and net rate as as sweetener).

Any warnings, advice or thoughts?

What you need is a temporary nanny but yes, as a pp has said, I wouldn't go to an interview with you because of your attitude, not the short term contract.

I think you’d be better off looking at a childminder where it’s a home environment and always the same caregiver

The costs of a nanny are eye-watering because you have one child. If you had 3 or 4 children whilst the costs are high they can be cheaper than other forms of childcare as a nanny is not paid on per child basis.

YANBU to tell job applicants that the position is short term and to give them a minimum length of time. Be prepared though for the nanny to leave whenever it suits them, just the same as you would change to using nursery whenever it suits your child.

Illegal.

Leaving it a few more months is not necessarily easy either. Mine all started at 11-12 months old when I had to go back to work, just as separation anxiety seemed to kick in!

Surely the nanny can be ' self-employed ' for the length of time she's needed? Whether the nanny declares the earnings is up to her.
However, as I mentioned in my pp, it's the disruption of going back to nursery that would concern me. An unguaranteed short-term solution is not the answer here.

It’s not messing her around if you explicitly say it is a short-term contract. That might suit her too.

The cash in hand is not good when you’re talking about care of your baby. Surely any insurance would be null and void and you couldn’t have any kind of legally bound contract.

@plplz it sounds like you have chosen a nursery that isn’t great. I manage a baby room in a private nursery and managing a dribble rash is a doddle. Why can’t they cope?

To be honest, some sleep disruption is to be expected as it’s a new environment. Though I use lavender aromatherapy and spa type music to keep the sleep environment very calm and mellow. I have a 5 month old in at the moment who likes me to sing Eric Clapton to her.....we do what it takes to help them sleep calmly and get what they need.

Sounds like you need a better nursery.

A childminder can be a more preferable option for very young babies.

Or be upfront with a nanny about a short term contract......though I’d caution against chopping and changing as attachment theory tells us making strong positive attachments and bonds is crucial in formative years. This applies to all caregivers not just parents

You are being irresponsible to be so casual about care for the most precious person in your life.
Speak to the nursery and give your dd time to settle. Personally I found it heartbreaking when my dd cried for the nanny and felt she preferred the interaction with other children at nursery.

This might get me slated but your dd is what 16 weeks old? Maybe she wants her parents?

As others have said, look for a good childminder.

I sent DD1 to nursery, but was never fully happy with it. I learnt my lesson with DD2 and found the most amazing childminder. It was, without a doubt, the best option for her. The challenge is finding a good childmider---there's more trust needed there than with a nursery. I spoke to some that no way would have used, but the one we ended up with was wonderful. We moved DD to part-time nursery when she was 3 and then full time for the year before she started school.

@NiceandCalm

Surely the nanny can be ' self-employed ' for the length of time she's needed? Whether the nanny declares the earnings is up to her. However, as I mentioned in my pp, it's the disruption of going back to nursery that would concern me. An unguaranteed short-term solution is not the answer here.

So much legislation/legal cases around this

To be self employed you need to meet certain conditions about setting own hours and activities- which a nanny wouldn't typically meet

@Serengetiqueen

If she is a professional nanny Or childminder, she will have a professional insurance policy. That Insurance policy is there to protect her rights, your rights and your child’s welfare. Ask to see her insurance. If you pay her cash in hand with no formal contract in place, the insurance would be totally invalid. So can’t you see the craziness in your own suggestion???? You’d have no recourse in the event of anything going wrong. You’re an idiot to suggest this with your most precious child....shame on you.

^this. It was my first thought and pretty unwise from the Nanny’s point of view if something happens while your child is in her unofficial care.

You could try looking after her yourself.
I'm sure you'll get that dribble under control in no time

Not only is the proposal dead dodgy but if you are paying less then her usual rate with no benefits of NI contributions what so you think is going to happen when someone offers her a proper job? You'll probably only see the cloud of dust as she disappears at speed.

@flaviaritt

I didn’t say she would hurt the child. I am asking what the OP would do if harm came to the child as a result of the nanny’s actions and she had no employment contract, hadn’t been paying tax etc.

NoSlee NohopInTheHeat Wed 28-Oct-20 11:31:41 I can't believe people would think about doing cash in hand for childcare. Basically you are showing someone that you want to trust 100% that you are dishonest... ....... There are people doing this all over the country (probably the world), some of whom are claiming benefits alongside. The do cleaning as well. Not for 'well off' people but for friends and neighbours who go to work, etc. .Times are hard.

I knew somebody years ago who minded two little girls for a neighbour on her estate and did a couple of cleaning jobs, claiming benefits. She was/is a very nice person and lovely with children; the two people she cleaned for thought a lot of her too. She knew others nearby who did the same to make ends meet.

If a person is qualified and/or sufficiently experienced to look after children and is in between jobs at this difficult time, who can blame them for looking for a cash in hand deal? If it helps someone else who needs their services short term it's a win win situation.

People do what they have to do to keep the wolf from the door.

Regarding what would happen if a child was hurt, like had an accident in the park or something, the same would happen as if the person caring was 'on the books'; the child would go to hospital and be treated. I doubt anyone would ask about the minder (unless foul play was suspected), and the parent would only have to say that her friend was baby sitting that day.

@plplz

Issue with nursery is that she doesn't feed or sleep well there, which is creating massive headaches at home with her sleep.

She also has a red raw dribble rash which they just aren't managing well.

it's only been a month, my DS went from 3 months old and it took a while to settle down

As others have said - I appreciate that it really might not be possible but there's a real reason that most mothers are still the ones at home with their babies when they are only 16 weeks old.

They need one to one care at this age to thrive - well actually, they pretty much need it to even be vaguely ok. Ideally from their parent, the one they've bonded with. Nursery doesn't give that. Nanny can but it's £££. Childminder can't. Everything except one to one care is sub-optimal. Hence sore mouth from dribbling. They need someone ALL THE TIME. There is no. way. around. that.

Your best option if you possibly can manage it is just to stay with her at home for even a small bit longer. Even another month will make a big difference.

I’m also with others who think it’s too young to have her being cared for by anyone other than her parents (framing for a flaming)

I’m hard as nails, sleep trained with CIO, want my son to be independent and so on but even I wouldn’t have felt comfortable outsourcing childcare at that young stage (it’s also a pretty crucial stage development-wise and their sleep goes haywire in any event around 4 months)

@plplz

To be fair she did allude to being ok with being paid in cash.

And you still want her looking after your tiny baby? Wow.

Fraud...nice!

In terms of child development, I would say it is best to pick a childcare source and stick with it. If you unhappy with the nursery, change it, but plan to only do this once. If you change now and then again in a couple of months time, you are breaking the bond that your child has made, changing the routine etc and little ones do not thrive in this type of chaos.

Would I pay a nanny cash in hand? No. Simple answer. Nanny is being a bit daft if she is willing to accept those terms. If she wants to be eligible for any kind of sick pay/maternity pay/job seekers/pension benefits in the future, it is really important she has paid national insurance and I would strongly advise her to think of the long term impact of cash in hand work.

There have been many studies done on childcare for babies and the majority all say that babies thrive on one to one care. If you can afford a nanny, I think you should pay up for that, but be prepared to pay up for it.

Haven’t read the whole thread but has anyone suggested a nanny share?
A nanny share with two similar age babies can work very well. You’d pay a bit over 50% the cost of a one to one nanny.

You have to be willing to work together with the nanny and the other family regarding things like which house is used (one week yours/one week theirs is common I think), holiday dates, paid for activities etc. But it’s a great way of getting that personal nanny care for your baby whilst also giving them another child for company, and of course saving money.

I think it’s way more than a few months before nursery would be better for your baby than a good nanny. It’s more like a few years.

Whatever you do, please do it properly with a contract and proper pay and tax.

Why do you want to pay cash? The tax and NI contributions on a nanny salary really aren't that much, because the salary isn't that high. And there are various agencies that will handle the tax side of things for you so you don't have any hassle after you set it up.

Pay her properly and legally. A good nanny would run a mile from you and your proposed setup.