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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents on one again

25 replies

moolady1977 · 27/10/2020 22:37

So I'm only just really back properly talking to my parents from beginning of year after they fell out with me well it's coming again .
They gave me their old car when they got a new one and for 2 years I've been trying to learn to drive it and just can't so have signed it all over to my daughter ,not told parents was taking lessons , I've had a message from my mum tonight telling me what a shock she had to see car outside ex husband's house ,I'm now waiting for the messages and calls to come thick and fast and got a nightshift to do knowing the proverbial is about to hit the fan again

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 27/10/2020 22:41

Why didn’t you say to them you had let her use it or that you were visiting your ex husband briefly to talk about your shared daughter. Seems so much hassle over nothing.

StoneofDestiny · 27/10/2020 22:43

Yes, just say you both drive it.

Leaannb · 27/10/2020 23:14

Tell them to mind their business

TheFoz · 27/10/2020 23:18

If they gave you the car as a gift they can’t tell you what you can and can’t do with it. Tell them to jog on and give some serious consideration to the level of relationship you are willing to have with them going forward.

CatsAndEyeliner · 27/10/2020 23:19

Why does this need to be a drama? Just tell them the truth - that DD drove it over to see him.

I assume DD can drive?

TicTacTwo · 28/10/2020 10:57

Surely your parents don't mind your dd driving it?

TomNooksBalanceBook · 28/10/2020 10:58

Maybe they’re just nosy and want to know what you were doing over there

Smallsteps88 · 28/10/2020 10:59

Urgh. Who has the energy? Just block them.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 28/10/2020 11:01

Assume they now think you are shagging your ex?
Imo leave them to their thoughts. None of their business if you were..

WeeWelshWoman · 28/10/2020 11:02

Just say you let your daughter drive it to see her dad?

SpeccyLime · 28/10/2020 11:03

Will they react badly if you tell them the truth? Are they very controlling?

Fairyliz · 28/10/2020 11:05

It depends, was there lots of drama when you and your ex split up and they had to support you? Do they think your ex is bad for you?
If so I can imagine them thinking ‘oh no Moolady is getting back with her ex’ and their hearts sinking.

Surely also in most families a DD old enough to drive would tell her grandparents she was learning, even more so if it was in their old car. My DD would be teasing her grandad about how she would be driving the car properly rather than pootling along like him.

I assume there is a massive back story?

dontdisturbmenow · 28/10/2020 11:16

I read it that Alsop hasn't managed to pass her test, she gave the car to her DD who is now driving.

It really depends on the reason why they gave you the car in the first place. If they didn't care to sell it, it's not worth much and in a,way, it made it easier to give it you, then just explain that your DD has more used for it.

If however you said for instance that you couldn't get a job because you didn't drive and they told you that even though they could have done with the money of the sake, they would sacrifice a very nice holiday to give you the car to quickly learn to drive and get a job, but you don't have the need of the car as you still don't drive, then you are very unreasonable to have given it to your DD without checking they were happy with it.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 28/10/2020 11:27

They gave me the car as they were getting a new one and would have got at most £200 for it ,I've been trying to learn to drive but can't master manual whereas my DD who's also learning is picking it up brilliant , so we decided that she could have my car and I'd look for an automatic . The dsf is very controlling we already had a bit of a set too earlier this year which is why I'm expecting another kick-off from him

OP posts:
Sunnydaysstillhere · 28/10/2020 11:28

You aren't 12. Tell him to stfu.
Seriously you can't get told off anymore op.
If they ring you and are abusive you HANG UP.

Coffeecak3 · 28/10/2020 11:31

Just say
Dm why is it a shock? He's dd's father.

Friendsoftheearth · 28/10/2020 11:43

I would pay the 200 for the car and never accept another car or anything else from them again.

You are caught up in a toxic dynamic - they give you things and then call the shots. You need more distance and to say no thank you next time.

They use so called kindness to beat you with. It needs to stop. Raise the money, pay them and tell them not to mention it again.

I would go very low contact after that. You are not 4 years old

nicerbeing · 28/10/2020 11:45

So who was with your daughter when she drove the car?

RB68 · 28/10/2020 12:11

if you are both still learning neither of you can drive the car on your own without another qualified driver in the vehicle. So you would be without insurance, tax and illegal to be on the roads

Sirzy · 28/10/2020 12:17

This is one of those where there must be a much bigger back issue otherwise why isn’t it just a simple “I admit I’m a rubbish driver so thought it would be nice to give it to DD as her first car instead get her started”

CatsAndEyeliner · 29/10/2020 09:50

What @RB68 said.

Did she drive over alone?

VettiyaIruken · 29/10/2020 09:53

Never accept something from controlling people. The strings will strangle you.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 29/10/2020 13:22

Sorry been busy ,no my partner drove the car over and parked it on the drive

OP posts:
MudSmudge · 29/10/2020 13:26

@moolady1977

Sorry been busy ,no my partner drove the car over and parked it on the drive
So, your partner was hanging out with your ex and your daughter?
Shizzlestix · 29/10/2020 13:31

Just tell them it’s none of their business if they kick off. They don’t have the right to query you, you’re an adult.

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