Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we get a dog yet??

35 replies

Sparrow91 · 27/10/2020 22:08

After a series of blazing rows with DP tonight we need your help to decide.. do we get a dog yet or not? We have agreed whatever MN majority is, is what sticks, but would both like to go through our arguments for/against.

Her view:
We have just placed DP’s house on the market today with the aim of moving about half hour away to a new house. We have always agreed that we want a greyhound, from a rescue, and we were looking for a bit - but this was all before we decided to move. DP thinks we should now resume the search and get a dog before we move. My POV is that this is unfair on the dog, especially when we will likely be stressed, and the dog itself myself feel some of this, and fear is suffer from separation anxiety, especially if a house move is in the first 6 or so months. I am the only one in the house WFH at the moment, DP’s job cannot be done from home.

His view:
My partner is currently in a situation where she will be working from home for the foreseeable future. I feel a rescue dog will be in a much happier place living with us and having the company, love and daily exercise everyday. Furthermore I suffer from anxiety and depression and I know a dog will significantly improve our life as much as we can improve its. I see her POV about moving house however, I feel we will be the constant in the dogs life and the house move isn’t something which will happen in 2020.

YABU - you should wait to get a dog until you’ve moved house
YANBU - you should get a dog now

OP posts:
FOJN · 27/10/2020 22:13

If you"re thinking of getting a rescue then it might be wise to ask for advice from the rescue center and see what they say. You both have valid points of view but they will be the experts and better placed to advise you about the dogs welfare in relation to a possible house move soon after rehoming.

CrikeyPeg · 27/10/2020 22:27

His view is selfish. He talks about how "our" life will be significantly improved but as his partner works from home, the majority of the burden of looking after the dog will fall to her - daily walks for example, shorter days coming now so walking will be during the day. He won't be doing it because he'll be at work. Well, so will she.

I love dogs, and have always had them in my life. However, they are a huge commitment and I think people underestimate how much a dog can impact on their lives.

1Morewineplease · 27/10/2020 22:31

I'd wait until you moved. A rescue dog will probably be quite anxious for a while as it will have been taken from its home and placed in a kennel with limited contact, fusses and freedom. It will then be removed from this to a different home that it doesn't recognise and its daily timetable will have been altered again.
It would be a bit cruel to then remove it from somewhere that it was just getting to know to another new home.

BritWifeinUSA · 27/10/2020 22:37

My husband is a volunteer at a rescue. He says you should wait. The dog has been through enough change by finding himself in a shelter or being surrendered by his master.

BadDucks · 27/10/2020 22:40

You should wait. Greyhounds are sensitive souls so they would benefit coming to you when you are settled rather than during the stress of a house move.

CrikeyPeg · 27/10/2020 23:51

Half of my post disappeared; I must start using the preview feature. But yeah, basically it was what the other posters have said about not wanting to push more change or stress/unsettlement upon the dog.

emilyfrost · 27/10/2020 23:56

You should wait. “His view” is extremely selfish; the dogs needs must come first, and it isn’t a quick fix or even a long term fix for anxiety and depression.

If you’re rowing about it, the person who wants to wait trumps the other, as it’s a massive lifestyle change.

wetotter · 27/10/2020 23:58

I'd go for it now.

The house move is a plan, not a definite timetable, and the dog will be bonded to you, not your house.

And you get the perfect excuse of not doug the heavy lifting of the move because you need to stay with the dog (who will need their primary human at that time)

Suzi888 · 28/10/2020 00:00

Ask the rescue for advice... . A very stressed dog may be happier with people than in kennels.

MJMG2015 · 28/10/2020 00:10

Surely the rescue will want to check your house out, I doubt they'll allow you to rescue if you're moving in the near future.

I think you should wait until you've moved, o don't think it's fair or practical to get a new rescue dog when you're looking to move.

TheVanguardSix · 28/10/2020 00:12

It's a no brainer. Wait until you move. Too unsettling for a rescue to be moving out of the house it'll have just gotten accustomed to.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 28/10/2020 00:18

I'd wait until you move. My own rescue DDog was so upset by our last house move that he stopped letting visitors through the front door - I was genuinely scared he was going to bite someone if unrestrained.

In the end I had to spend good money getting a behaviourist in to resolve the aggression towards visitors.

Other issues can be triggered by a house move - separation anxiety is a common one.

Current house isn't ideal, but we'll be staying here until I get evicted or can afford to buy, because DDog clearly needs the security.

Wiredforsound · 28/10/2020 00:20

His ‘wants’ means that you, because you work from home, will be the main caregiver and will be alone with the new dog for most of the day so most of the ‘dog work’ will fall to you. Will you be able to do your job in that environment? If you’re not happy with that then you need to say no.

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2020 00:27

I think you should wait until you move and can offer the dog a settled home.

However I'm a bit worried about this (particularly as a greyhound owner) ..... Furthermore I suffer from anxiety and depression and I know a dog will significantly improve our life as much as we can improve its.

No dog is guaranteed to significantly improve depression and anxiety in anyone. Rescuing a dog and having it settle successfully can be quite a task depending on the dog and quite stressful for all concerned actually.

And greyhounds in particular can be quite an 'aloof' breed. We often joke that ours is more like a cat than a dog...in the sense that as loving as they are, they often tend to do things on their terms only.

Please make sure you're realistic in your expectations and good luck Thanks

Mydogdoesntlisten · 28/10/2020 00:30

Our rescue DDog was fine when we moved although we'd had him for around eighteen months by then.
He is a lurcher and very chilled generally. I think greyhounds are the same?
Although I would agree that it is good to seek advice from the rescue centre about the particular DDog you are thinking of adopting as they are all very different.
Do bear in mind though that dogs are a big commitment (I'm sure you know that).

DramaAlpaca · 28/10/2020 00:34

Think of the dog and wait until you are settled.

Original poster
Sparrow91 · 28/10/2020 07:48

Thanks everyone. These are all really valid points and mostly the things I’ve been thinking of. I will definitely discuss with DP the possibility of ringing the rescue we’re thinking of and having a chat although I’m pretty certain they would say the same as me.

Although I’m WFH I don’t mind the burden on me - I do definitely want a dog, and it would be lovely company during the day, it’s just the timing which is making me say no at this moment.

OP posts:
LittleGungHo · 28/10/2020 07:54

Wait until you move. It is a faff having to 'hide' a dog when people are coming to do house viewings. As well as the points above.

dontdisturbmenow · 28/10/2020 07:56

For a start, you both seem to assume that you'll get a rescue dog within weeks when the reality is that it can take many months and often years before a dog is matched, so in this basis, I'd say that starting to look at rescued and putting your name down now would be sensible.

As for the move, it would totally depend on the dog. Some might not care a bit, others might be stressed, even if you were to move years later.

Kamt · 28/10/2020 07:57

It depends on how far in advance the house buying is for me.
If you arent moving for another 18 months then id say go for it but if its in the next year then no. I know waiting a year feels like an age, but it pales in comparison to the time you'll spend together

Showing your house when you have a dog is (ime) a pain. You have to find somewhere else for the dog to go that etc which if you've only had the dog for a few months might be really tricky.

Moving is stressful anyway as is settling in a new dog so i wouldnt want to settle in a dog then move again

It also gives you time to do things in the new property like dog proof the garden, (we've viewed something like 30 houses and only 2 had appropriate fencing the whole way down, that didnt have big holes under, or too short fencing especially for a greyhound). Keeping a house safe for a dog whilst renovating is also a pain (not being able to brush against paint, keeping off floor boards with nails, having to not leave decorating stuff on floor). A newish, unsettled dog is likely to be freaked out by odd people viewing/working on the house, and sounds of drills etc

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 28/10/2020 08:04

We applied to rescue a greyhound in about May this year. We brought home our ddog at the beginning of October. We've been lucky that he was still quite young and settled quickly in a foster home. He's now lying on the floor beside my bed and has settled here quickly and easily. But we have been very lucky with him. He is somewhat affectionate but most of his day is spent sleeping. He is great in that respect because I can take DD to school, walk him, wfh with him on the floor then another walk at lunchtime and more sleeping.

Rescue greyhounds will usually be about 4 maybe 5 years old by the time you get them so will have been through a lot of life as racing commodities.

Kamt · 28/10/2020 08:08

Also at my rescue you would need to be home checked, and if you moved halfway through we would home check you again. We would expect while your kn the waiting list you are available to be matched with a dog so wouldnt recommend applying to simply get your place in a queue. We wouldnt be overly impressed if you were matched with a dog then announced you were moving in the next few months

From a home check point of view the idea is that the dog is at the house we've matched it to (obviously we expect people will move in their lifetime but i mean for at least a few months). We might be specifically looking at things like
-location (eg needs to be homed more rurally, away from a main road, not near neighbours cats)
-fences (some dogs need different versions of a secure garden)
-garden (not just size but sometimes features)
-suitablity of the actual house
-work life balance (a 20 min move down the street could add up to the dog being left for 5 hours more a week due to changes in commute)

If we are matching you based on your old house, then we could get lots of things wrong and match you to the wrong dog

DianaT1969 · 28/10/2020 08:09

Do you really have "blazing rows"?
I'd be wondering why I'm moving in with someone I have blazing rows with.

Fluffybutter · 28/10/2020 08:12

Haven’t rtft but a rescue will want to come and see your house and if you tell them you won’t even be there that long then they’ll tell you to wait anyway .
Also it’s not fair on a rescue dog to make them move from kennels to a house and then another house . Could cause the poor thing even more anxiety.

CatToddlerUprising · 28/10/2020 08:14

If you’re having ‘blazing rows’ over this then deciding when to rehome a dog is the least of the issues