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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect friend to come over or text or call to cancel?

16 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 27/10/2020 13:07

Just a quick first world problem!

(We’re in an area you can mix up to 6 people in household)

On Monday a friend Called and asked to meet up with me and my dd she has a ds around the same age under 2.

Anyway I said we had swimming and could meet after but would need to be indoors as poor weather, she was going to come to mine then suggested after afternoon naps she’d come here. I said great afternoon better for us I can 3 ish.

I hear nothing, it gets to half 2 I said hey Dd will be awake and sorted 3:15 really excited to see you both (dont meet up often) so I get dd up, change all bedding (she’d made big mess) get her showered and all fully ready and manage to do this for 3:15.

Hear nothing, I text asking what the plan is. She replies at 3:49 saying she’s still out shopping. I reply that’s fine why don’t you come afterwards and I’ll do them both dinner. 20 mins later she says she won’t have time now and could she meet us Thursday.

I’m just miffed we both have small children and it comes with lot of hassles messes and general faff.

I feel like she should of cancelled, and just let me know.

I now don’t want the same thing to happen Thursday. She’s often flaky and is always late for play dates. She’s always the one who asks though and I do like her as a person. Just think it’s so rude if you ask to then cancel...why bother.

Just having a bit of a rant.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/10/2020 13:09

Start saying no
I have no time for flakes

romeolovedjulliet · 27/10/2020 13:24

why is op bu voters ? last minute things do happen but it takes seconds to send a text,

TeamLucille · 27/10/2020 13:43

very rude and unpleasant.

I would stop making plans with her full stop. If you plan to go somewhere, arrange to meet there so it's great if she does turn up, but you are not changing your own arrangements if she doesn't.

If you plan to stay home, you can always offer for her to come but again won't be bothered if she doesn't turn up.

Only if she is even worth keeping as a friend.

Meowza74 · 27/10/2020 13:49

Very rude. I hate when people do that.

Funkyslippers · 27/10/2020 13:49

I stopped seeing a friend because of behaviour like this. She was always late and usually didn't tell me she was running late until after the arranged time. The final straw came when she was supposed to come round at 10.30am. I told her I had plans for the afternoon. She rang me at 10.45 to say her new neighbour had popped round and she didn't want to be rude by saying she had to go out! But she didn'd mind being rude to me. She was an hour late to mine which meant we hardly had any time together. It was the last time I saw her, thank goodness!

What I'm trying to say is, you have to be blunt with flaky people like this. They don't mind hurting your feelings, so don't worry if they take offence at you asking nicely to be on time or to let you know!

edwinbear · 27/10/2020 13:53

Flaky people never change, they genuinely believe their time is more important than anyone else's. I'd sack her off personally.

EatPrayYoga · 27/10/2020 13:54

When you suggested 3 ish did she reply? Is it possible she thought there was no firm plan?

I don't think you're BU. Some people seem to think their time is more valuable than everyone else's.

Feelingconfused2020 · 27/10/2020 13:55

I would send a message along the lines of " I am free Thursday at X time. Could you let me know if you are able to make it so that I am.not waiting around wondering" I think that makes it clear that you were annoyed but isn't rude. If she lets you down I'd leave it there..

rumandbiscuits · 27/10/2020 13:59

I'd be pissed off too. I have a friend like this who is constantly unreliable and cancels last minute all of the time! I find it disrespectful and rude!

ForeverRedSkinhead · 27/10/2020 14:03

She's totally unreasonable. As I always say with people like this , they value their time more than yours.

I had a colleague like this , I really like her , but she's so flaky that say no whenever she wants to meet now. The first time we had plans she fell asleep with her phone switched off , I was waiting at the train station for her like an idiot for 15 minutes before deciding to go home. She apologised so I let it go. The second time I contacted her the morning before and she said that she had to work so couldn't meet , I feel like she wouldn't have told me if I hadn't asked. I was honest with her when she asked to meet a third time , I said that there's probably no point in making plans as she'd probably forget. Her response was 'lol , that sounds like me'.

BreakfastOfWaffles · 27/10/2020 14:05

I can't stand this behaviour. When mine were young I would always arrange to meet flakey people at the park. I wouldn't mention it to my children ahead of time. That way it was a nice surprise if they did show up, but no derailment of our day if they didn't.

incognitomum · 27/10/2020 14:09

Did she agree to 3ish?

Atalune · 27/10/2020 14:13

I’d go a bit quiet/cold on her and put some space between us. The flakiness for me is a right pain in the arse so I would let the friendship cool. If she’s bothered she will find me again.

Tistheseason17 · 27/10/2020 14:19

I had a "friend" like that.
She's now an acquaintance and I make zero plans with her as she bails if she gets a perceived better offer or forgets or... you know, any excuse that suits her doing what she likes without considering anyone else.

Breastfeedingworries · 27/10/2020 15:36

Thanks all, yeah we spoke on the phone and she knows my dd is always awake around 3, I’d got her up earlier and fully had to strip the bed shower her the lot ect after some tasteful art work, using the colour brown SadBlush

So I was hassled anyway but then I chose new outfit got her all ready, and tidied the house done my own face a bit so I didn’t look like a greasy monster ect.. it just felt so deflating!

It’s effort having visitors and it seemed a lot of faff for nothing. We’re never invited to hers as she lives with her mum. I live with mine! So don’t see that issue either. (Saving atm)

I’ve said I’d have to let her know about Thursday, said I wanted to make set plans this week as I’d got my dd all ready ect. But she didn’t apologise, just said she hadn’t know. Exact time (I’ve read my texts I said defo 3:15)

Just still miffed as wanted some nice adult time! Sad don’t want to cut my nose off but don’t want to be let down anymore. I have other mum friends but mine and hers seem so cute together ect.

OP posts:
Noitjustwontdo · 27/10/2020 15:58

I don’t appreciate flakiness. I had a flakey friend years ago who kept arranging to meet up with me then cancelling last minute. I went for an appointment once and overheard a member of staff saying ‘oh this is the second time this woman has cancelled on me now, I won’t be taking another appointment from her again’ then heard her mention the name.. it was my friend. So it’s often nothing personal, they’re just annoying flakes.

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