Boss keeps saying I must be pregnant after two sick days

[Giraffle]

So the past two weeks I had two sick days due to a vomiting bug. My boss said to me “I know what that means” I must be pregnant, I’m hiding pregnancy from them, but not in a joking way, in a serious way like it was a burden or I’d done something wrong.

I came back from maternity in February after having my son who is now 15 months old. I AM NOT pregnant but we are trying for a second baby and I struggle with fertility issues so it’s been difficult and each time I get a negative it affects me.

Am I being unreasonable to think it’s unprofessional and quite rude to make assumptions about pregnancy? How do I stop her from making these assumptions?

Thanks

You need to talk to her or hr as that's really not ok

Really sorry you are having this response fron your manager. You are of course nbu.

However, total side step (apologies), are you often sick with this? I have all of a sudden come down with the worst nausea feeling for the last 2 days! I feel really sick all the time and also not pregnant. There must be something doing the rounds, it is not usual at all for me to feel sick like this!

I hope you feel better soon op!

It is unprofessional
And stepping over a very dangerous line ( for them)
Can you speak to HR ?

depending on the relationship you have with your boss and the type of team you are in Could you have a quiet word with your boss? ( not that you should need to I know)

That is really inappropriate, and also could constitute discrimination.

Do you have an HR department? If so I would raise it with them. If not I would try and speak to your boss directly - tell her it makes you feel hugely uncomfortable and unwelcome.

I would speak to the boss and say “you know I had fertility issues with my first so it’s very hurtful to me that you say that as it’s not going to be that easy for me if I ever choose to have a second. I just have a vomiting bug. Don’t say it again or I’ll need to have a chat with HR”

Thank you all, I didn’t know if I was just being sensitive because of my situation so it’s good to know I’m not. I’ll try and have a chat with her about how it makes me feel. I’m not telling anyone we’re TTC because of the pressure makes it even worse getting the negative result.

@Igotthemheavyboobs I do get bugs often but never ever take time off for it. This is the first time since March so it’s rare I take time off, this bug seems particularly horrible compared to others I’ve had so it must be a winter bug of some description!

I hope you feel better soon too

This is massively inappropriate and discriminatory.

You should log these comments and tell HR.

So unprofessional and out of order. Is it a small company? Your boss does not seem to have a filter on her thoughts and needs to refresh her knowledge of employment law.

Well she's your boss. And she's out of order. So you need to manage upwards...

Why is she being a totally inappropriate cow? Is she normally a misery? Did she carry a huge load while you were on maternity leave and be frightened about taking it on again - so that she's not even realising how offensive she's being?

You need to tell her that you feel upset by what she's saying. That it brings all the memories of infertility back.
That she seems angry and you wondered why that was. Is there anything about how your maternity leave went that she'd like you to be aware of. It was an emotional time for you and if she thought you'd overlooked anything in the run up to it you'd really like to know for next time. Etc etc

I know you feel like tell8ng her where to go but I'm sure the above would be more effective in firing a warning shot

I work in a small company, so no HR. I’m an apprentice admin but also the only administrator in the company. Meaning someone else had to take on my work load when I was on maternity. So I understand it will be difficult with me on leave again when I eventually fall pregnant again. However I think it gets forgotten I’m only meant to be an apprentice (I’m 25). I would never disrespect my boss and will just politely explain that it’s not appropriate for her to make those comments. It just really got to me I think because we’re TTC aswell those comments hurt more than if we weren’t.

@LouiseTrees

I would speak to the boss and say “you know I had fertility issues with my first so it’s very hurtful to me that you say that as it’s not going to be that easy for me if I ever choose to have a second. I just have a vomiting bug. Don’t say it again or I’ll need to have a chat with HR”

Nope. No reason needs to be given for asking a boss to stop insisting on a pregnancy.

@BertieBloopsMum So glad you said this! no one in work knows I have fertility issues and I’m not telling them now either, it’s personal to me and my family only and isn’t something I feel an employer needs to know. I also won’t be telling them when I hopefully fall pregnant that I am pregnant until I’m over 16 weeks because I don’t want to jinx anything or ever have to explain about miscarriage to them.

I don’t think any one should have to explain a reason assumptions about pregnancy is inappropriate full stop.

So rude to presume you’re pregnant, anyone can get a bug!

My MIL did it to me when I randomly woke up one morning (in February) with a sickness bug.
DH must have told her I was sick because a few months later we told her I was pregnant she said ‘oh I already knew that you were pregnant from when you were sick before’
The baby was born the following February so pregnant for a year was I?

Your boss should not have said that, it was stupid. Just firmly say that you are not pregnant and hopefully the remark will not be repeated.

I've come across this attitude in small family run companies. Not justifying her at all but they sometimes panic at the possibility of having to arrange maternity cover both financially and for the smooth running of their business. Still she should have the professionalism not to blurt out what could be going on in her head. It's something all businesses need to plan for. A friend of mine is pregnant and as soon as she told her small family firm she's employed by their behaviour towards her has been vile. They have somehow taken it as a personal attack on them despite her working there for 2.5 years. She won't be returning!

I would fucking hate that. It's so not on.

Imagine if she'd said that to someone who'd recently and privately miscarried or something like that!

How long have you worked there op?

You don't even owe your boss an answer to the suggestion if you're pregnant or not.
If you are, it's on you to tell her on your terms and until then, the state of your womb is none of her fucking business.

I would ask her to stop pestering you about it as it's sexist (yes women can be sexist too), unprofessional and she's lucky there's no HR because in any bigger company she would have to answer to them about her harassing you about very very personal stuff.

@ivftake1 part of my fertility struggle was a recent miscarriage 2 months ago at 6 weeks. I thought I could’ve been more sensitive because of that but it’s been good to see it’s reasonable to feel this way even without those reasons.

@Lollypop701 3 years this year.

So inappropriate

[quote Giraffle]@ivftake1 part of my fertility struggle was a recent miscarriage 2 months ago at 6 weeks. I thought I could’ve been more sensitive because of that but it’s been good to see it’s reasonable to feel this way even without those reasons.

@Lollypop701 3 years this year.[/quote]
You're definitely not being over sensitive!