To think DD (3yrs) hates me?

[Dundundunnn]

DD has been in a tantrum-y / bossy phase for a while now, which I know will be normal for her age. But she will completely blank me when I'm talking to her directly - just not look at or respond to me at all, even if I'm just asking a question like how was nursery etc. If I go to hug her or sometimes even give any kind of physical contact whatsoever she pulls away and says 'don't touch me'.
Last night as I was putting her to bed I said I love you and she responded with 'I love Nannie (DM)'.
If she ever hurts herself, falls over etc she instantly starts crying for my mum and if I ask why she asks for her she says 'because I like Nannie'.
I don't know what to do, it's really starting to upset me. She was such a wanted and is such a loved child and I feel like she can't stand me. I'm always trying to think of fun days out or nice little things we can do together and she either doesn't want to engage, or the day ends with her throwing an almighty strop and we both end up feeling rubbish.

Yanbu to think she hates you, but yabu to take it to heart. My youngest used to say 'I hate you' in my face. Heart warming .

I expect she is very confident that you love her?

You could try a day or two of being nice/friendly but not really fussing and see if she comes round? So make a cake, say 'if you want to help me you can' and see if she comes to you?

Try not to let it upset you. She's 3 and discovering that her words and actions can be powerful - carry on being a loving parent and ignore her comments. Does she fail to make eye contact with others? Keep an eye open when she's at nursery/school as to how she interacts with other children. Rest assured that she doesn't hate you but at the moment her gran is flavour of the month (does she dole out the discipline or just the biscuits!). Oh, and don't run round trying to please her - she needs reminding that you're the adult in this set up. Good luck 💐

Maybe let your dm help out a bit with teaching dc to be nicer to you. And maybe could it be that your dm is all sugar and all things nice (which then makes you the strict one? Which i guess would be more noticeable if dc spends a lot of time with your dm?)

3 year olds can be awful. Mine said things that really cut to the bone. They are still learning and have so many emotions to deal with. My 4 year old is much nicer to be around now than when she was 3 and she was a proper threenager. We had door slamming, wailing and lots of off the cuff comments like- maybe we’d all be happier if I wasn’t your daughter, I don’t like you any more mummy etc. She does seem to have grown out of it. I also think 3 is hard as so many have dropped naps but still get a bit tired. An extra year has made a big difference to us for that too.

I know it's hard to do, but you need to find a way to not let this get to you.

She is three. It isn't fair to give her enough power to dictate your relationship with her - she is not equipped to control even 50% of it, let alone get the casting vote.

If she says "I hate you" say brightly "that doesn't matter, I love you enough for both of us" then change the subject. If she says "I love nannie" say "I love nannie too, she's great". Don't fish or plead for reassurance - no "But don't you love mummy as well?" or even "it makes mummy sad when you say that".

She is three. She's trying to figure out feelings and words and how it all works. If she finds out that she can have a huge effect on the most powerful person in the world (you) simply by saying "I hate you" then that will be a) irresistible and b) actually pretty terrifying and destabilising for her.