Well meaning MIL

[Opinionator]

I have 1 DC and I do feel that I'm doing a good job for the most part. I'm certainly doing my best! However, when I'm around MIL she's constantly staring at me and my partner when we're holding my DC and I find it annoying, and even a little rude. Shes probably only looking at the baby tbf, but when someone is staring it put me on edge. There's also been times when I'm changing DCs nappy and it's taking a while because it's messy one, and she has literally stood over us the entire time and made comments about how I'm doing it "oh don't do this/that", "that'll do, you can stop wiping now", (when there's still poop on DCs bum). I know she means well and isn't trying to annoy me, but I can't help feeling a bit irritated by these things. Does anyone have any advice as to how to politely tell her to back off a little bit? I don't want to be rude to her, and she doesn't take confrontation well so I really don't want to start a row or anything.

Her staring is petty, my MIL is like that with staring and although a bit annoying I just ignore it. With regards her making comments when changing nappies, just state ‘I know how to change my babies bum, thank you for your concern’.

I agree I’d be saying “I can manage thanks” each and every time. Hopefully she’ll get the message before you lose your temper.

she doesn't take confrontation well so I really don't want to start a row or anything

She doesn't take confrontation well? Tough on her. People like her have everyone else holding their tongue and letting the bad behaviour pass. But if she reacts poorly, she will still be the one in the wrong and she will look bad. Don't let your fear of her response dictate what you do. Tell her clearly and if she continues to ignore you, get blunter.

Just let her do the really shitty ones.

You can’t tiptoe around her in case she gets upset… She clearly isn’t bothered about upsetting you! The more people ‘get away’ with stuff, the more they will convince themselves that they are in the right. You don’t have to be rude, you just have to be fed. Start as you mean to go on.

• be firm, not fed