AIBU to want to know whether my boyfriend loves me after 4 years?

[Outdoorsie]

I told him I loved him after about 1.5 years, and he didn't say it back - he said he's not great at saying these things, and left it at that. That was fair enough. I've never said it since and neither has he. I'm curious now to see does he love me though, not necessarily that I want him saying it all the time; it's just sometimes I feel the relationship is not a priority to him and I feel if he can't say he loves me after 4 years, there's something wrong - am I right or overthinking?

I could well imagine my XH being like this.

He comes across as emotionally quite distant and is not good at expressing feelings, mainly due to having a shitty childhood.

Just to give you another point of view.

I have a partner who is not a very communicative man - not one to talk about his feelings. He very rarely tells me he loves me and I'm not sure he's ever said it spontaneously. He has said it tho. There is a difference between being someone who struggles to talk about his feelings and someone who refuses to tell you that they love you when you ask them flat out - that's just someone who doesnt love you.

The word 'love' can be problematic. The question to ask yourself is whether you feel cared for and cherished, even if there are no grand gestures or declarations.

Many men are more fixated on objects or activities than human relationships and just don't do 'romance'. They might have very all-consuming hobbies that they share with others of like mind. But the focus is outward towards the hobby with some comfortable undemanding companionship thrown in. They might shy away from intense feelings or a relationship that requires too much concentration on the relationship itself.

I don't know whether this describe your boyfriend or not but, if so, you have to decide if the 'bloke in his man hut doing his thing' kind of man is suitable for you or not.

My dh is not one for a spontaneous "I love you" nor is he romantic. But he shows me he loves me all the time by being thoughtful and caring and helpful and kind.

So forget for a moment what he says and think about what he does. Is he making you feel cherished and loved? If the answer is no, then, tbh, I think its unlikely to happen after 4 years whatever he says.

What do you do together ?
Is it just food, shag and off he goes home or do you do/plan stuff together ?