Re migraines and period related issues

[beautifulnorth]

I get hormonal migraines. I'm trying a new combo of triptans and pain relief and have fended off one earlier this week and another was brewing today. I've taken the pills and just about staving it off. My DH (dubious D) is heard muttering "FFS. Not again. Right. I'll have to get tea stuff. I presume you won't be eating". He can "set his watch by it", is sick of it. Etc etc. He's busy over tea time with a mates Zoom. Well I'm sick of him. He's been out and got ingredients for home made chicken fried rice claiming he'll make it. He doesn't cook. I do it all. So he doesn't know how you make it and has asked so far how to cook rice, what the recipe is, when to make it, when ingredient x and y is used etc. I'm feeling crap and can't be arsed to explain a recipe which is a bit different every time I make it and don't know where I got the original. He can't cook. So it's not easy to explain. He SATs I'm controlling by big wanting to teach him or tell him how to do it. He doesn't cook so it's not easy. He's bought the wrong rice, left it hot when it needs to be cold to fry up nicely and has also asked me twice to taste the rice to see if it's done and I've snapped at him. Why couldn't he buy a ready meal or something. Why pick now as a day to learn to cook ? This is what started the muttering about my migraines and monthly "mood" which in reality is me having less tolerance for his shit. I'm sick of his arrangements coming before anything and fed up that he can't think for himself. He will go food shopping if I make him a list. He'll "cook " stuff i have batch cooked that's just a cook pasta and reheat bolognese etc. But otherwise if I don't cook, it's take out or freezer food. I'm so tired and sick of this. I know that this current situation doesn't help but his hobby has still continued and I feel like my life is a drudge. I just needed a moan really. I've got a job and just about enough money but I'm so bored and sick of his attitude. There's more but my head hurts and I just need a hug. Not from him.

I do sympathise OP, I suffered badly with hormonal migraines before I reached the menopause. (I tried a daily dose of Pizotifen, which was a real game changer for me. It's an antihistamine - just mentioning in case of interest). I can imagine how crappy you must be feeling, only to be constantly questioned about a recipe, when all you probably want to do is put your head down, or just have some food made for you. The only thing I can suggest is perhaps when you're feeling better, start teaching your DH some simple dishes, show him how to follow a recipe on his phone/tablet so that he develops his non-existent culinary skills and becomes more self-reliant/responsible. Either that, or start scoping out the patio and find a spade .....! Hope you feel better soon and sending you hugs and sympathy.

I thought he was going to be moaning about cooking for a huge family - he’s just making his own dinner?

I get migraines, and wouldn’t wish them on anyone. If he is a supportive partner he will listen when you explain about them, and look up the info himself so he can understand. I get tired of people thinking they’re a headache that will pass in a couple of hours - I get visual disturbances, and terrible sensitivity to light, sound etc and they can last for ages.

I have 2 young children, so I often can’t just take myself to lie down. If it’s just you and him, just leave him to it. What a twat.

I feel your pain re migraines I get them and they are awful . I have them more under control now by taking nortriptyline and by using aspirin as full fat coke . Just in case you hadn’t tried those .
I’m
Assuming you know pretty much when you are going to get them , just plan ahead and have a few freezer meals either home cooked or nuggets and chips type meals and discuss it with your husband before hand . Explain you cope 26/28 day’s but on certain days you just can’t and that you have planned ahead to make it easy for him .

Why can't he just make a simple meal? Beans on toast, egg on toast, buy a pizza, cheese toastie and soup from a tin? It's not exactly difficult stuff. Does he struggle to cope at work too? I'm assuming he's mentally incapable at all times, although also betting he isn't. He's actually just a knob head.

I get the same kind of migraines. I'm lucky enough that as long as I catch it quick enough now, nurofen alone will stop it. If I don't catch it, I'm screwed and end up in bed the rest of the day/night. But my partner is decent, takes care of me and makes dinner without a fuss. He's no cook either, but he can do anything that I mentioned above. Most children can.

He sounds pathetic and inconsiderate and rather like a performative martyr OP, what do you actually get out of him?

I suffer very badly with migraines. In an awful flare up the last year or so and its several days a week bed bound. It goes without saying I no longer work. DP can see I am suffering in extremis, does everything, makes me drinks or food, massages my head and neck etc. I say that not to be competitive because it isn't at all, just that he is a half decent person and I'd do the same for him or anyone who was in pain.

Have you asked the GP for a referral to a migraine clinic or neurology for assessment? I find triptans only really work if it's caught early and things like being on the pill disastrous. These things are personal and you've not asked for medical advice so I shan't harp on but I thoroughly recommend stocking up on gel cool packs, I get mine from amazon. Keep in the fridge, one on the back of the neck or as a pillow and one on the forehead is such a relief. Best and cheapest thing I've tried.

If it’s any help to you I have Botox for chronic migraine (more than 15/month). They inject it in to your scalp, neck and shoulders. Might be worth looking in to. I still get migraines a lot but not every day anymore

@dontgobaconmyheart

Keep your gel packs in the freezer. I do that, helps my head a lot because with migraines it feels like one side of my head is on fire and about to explode. Need the extra icyness to stop it. Plus it lasts longer then, don't have to keep swapping so often. But wrap a thin towel or cloth around it first.

I am in the same position as you @beautifulnorth.
I have started on a nightly triptan as well as a daily preventative that pretty much kept them at bay for 10 years. Having them back to 10 a month is shit.

My dh takes one look at me, knows I have a headache and says go to bed, I'll sort the school run.
It is bad enough as it is without having a shitty response from your dh.
Maybe suggest he gets a takeaway when you are laid up with a migraine.

Thanks all. Mine are t nearly as bad as some of you and are usually always linked to my cycle. Either just before or during a period. DH says my mood is awful once a month and it's unfair. I get that. I really do but the things that rile me are things I think are ok to be annoyed at. We had a mini row and he wants me to make lists iof the tasks I do that I find wearing and has suggested I get a hobby to improve my mood generally. Fair enough but he won't like me suddenly saying I'm off to do my bungee jump for a day or whatever I need to leave the house for. I think it's the migraine coupled with Corona times that has me so miserable. I don't get them enough to be considered chronic but like I say, if caught like yesterday, I managed to head it off with only a quick lie down but even that wasn't good enough. He needs telling he's an arse

What a big useless manchild. Hormone related migraine were my first sign of pregnancy , 7 years on I still remember the agony
I have no advice but I hope you feel better soon.

he wants me to make lists iof the tasks I do that I find wearing and has suggested I get a hobby to improve my mood generally
This and his desire to learn to make fried rice is all well and good, but his timing stinks. It’s a shame you can share a migraine with him, his empathy is seriously deficient.

My DH gets migraines and so does my dad. It’s rubbish for them, and disappointing for everyone else, but we let them have peace to cope with it as best they can and reorganise plans around them.

I sympathise as I also get these. I've only recently started to notice a pattern of them being either before or during my period. I'm approaching menopause so hoping there's an end in sight! For those of you who got a GP Referal where did you get referred to? I would really like to see a specialist to understand what treatment would be best for someone in my position.
Sorry to hijack op

Hi jack all you like. I'm currently just under GP. Am peri and taking HRT. Have changed from a combo to a gel for oestrogen and a progesterone tablet which is supposed to be better tolerated. The HRT seemed to exacerbate the migraines which previously were just "bad headaches" gradually got worse and ended up with me bed ridden. Nausea and sensitive to light and unable to really function. Just have to lie still and wait
GP said come off the HRT is another option but I'm not keen as I was having real mood swings and feeling very anxious and getting hot and flustereda lot. It's all linked and hard to just throw more drugs at. DH suggested a hysterectomy helpfully.
He's in my bad books generally. I need help not another child. He can make beans on toast etc but is so stubborn he'd prefer to try and be a hero by cooking like me. I'm not controlling him. I'd be bloody thrilled if he cooked but I can't, with pounding head, give him a cooking lesson.

Oh op
I’m the same. It’s shit. I’ve upped my evening primrose to a higher dose, it stopped them
Then last month got the one from hell.
So that was nice

I hope you find some answers.

As a side note my DH seems to manage ok, even brings me tablets etc. You could make things easier for him by making extra in the month and freezing them.

However, he’s behaving like a dick and doesn’t deserve it.
I’ve said it before on here the person you should marry is the one who would wipe your arse if you couldn’t and needed it.

@EvilPea

Oh op I’m the same. It’s shit. I’ve upped my evening primrose to a higher dose, it stopped them Then last month got the one from hell. So that was nice

I hope you find some answers.

As a side note my DH seems to manage ok, even brings me tablets etc. You could make things easier for him by making extra in the month and freezing them.

However, he’s behaving like a dick and doesn’t deserve it.
I’ve said it before on here the person you should marry is the one who would wipe your arse if you couldn’t and needed it.

Totally agree with all this. Op I'm so sorry to hear the hrt made it worse. My Dh didn't used to be understanding at all about my migraines but last month I got such a bad one (id run out of triptans and decided to see what riding it out would be like) and I was throwing up for best part of 2 days and could hardly move. That helped garner some sympathy but it shouldn't come to that. Previously on occasions he had tried to tell me it's a headache not a migraine - not sure how he knew but weirdly only triptans get rid

Thanks for all the support. I know they're migraines now that I look back at what I had whilst on the pill and improved when off contraception altogether - a smart locus
Doc spotted it and I had a year or so not too bad. Just the odd lingering sickly headache. Now though it's like something I have to shut my eyes against and my head feels like concrete and I feel like I'm
Going to be sick then have to stop. Lie down. But triptans and two Paramol seemed to push this one back but it tried to come back again today. I'm knackered with it all. I feel like I'm somehow a nuisance when really he just needs to step up. What's the fat Coke and aspirin trick?

Just adding my sympathies, I too have menstrual migraines. I have heard that they can be the hardest to treat. I take the edge off mine with co-codamol but the only thing that really helps me is sleep.

Your DH is an idiot and I would personally want to stop cooking for him completely and leave him to fend for himself until he got his act together.

Buy Gousto meals in at least for around the time you're expecting to get a migraine.
My DH can't cook at all (or thought he couldn't), but everything is there in the box with full instructions so no need to ask you anything.
I've just started getting them as a way to get my DH and kids cooking without constant input from me. They're actually enjoying the fact they can make a lovely meal by themselves!

But anyone can make something like beans on toast, or a sandwich, or baked potato. Unless OP is refusing to eat a simple meal, and demanding her husband prepares something complicated, then she’s fine to say ‘I can’t cook tonight’ and leave it at that. If he was single he would have to prepare his own meals, or get ready meals - I’m sure he can cope with this. Even without a migraine she should be able to say this regularly.