Private or State based on DS specific needs?

[JillofTrades]

Hi MN, My dh has a good opportunity for us to move back to London. We are currently abroad. We have ds 5yo in private schooling. Part of the reason is that the state schools here are very bad and the only good few are too far away. The biggest reasons are based on DS needs

1. He was identified early on from the age of 2.5 by the school with a few sensory issues and has been receiving OT there since then. He is so much better now and this would have easily slipped through had he been at our state school.
2. He is an extremely anxious child. Extremely anxious, so much so that he is having play therapy. A big trigger for him is social situations. His school is brilliant at working closely with his therapist. We have a great relationship with the school as I partly feel we are paying for this privilege.
3. Ds is an extremely passive child, a perfect target to be bullied. We did have a few incidents which my ds hid from us, and it came out through a bad bout of anxiety. Once we figured out this was happening, the school was prompt to have this dealt with. Again, I feel this was due to this privilege. I have a Massive concern and fear about this. He isnt a typical rough and tumble boy who can stand his own.
4. He copes much better with smaller groups, as he goes into a shell in a large crowd.

We currently have no choice here as private schooling offers us the support we need to help ds. I am now looking at schools in London and am under no false pretences that all the negatives cannot happen in a Private school. I have no idea if state and private schooling are worlds apart there as well and the amount of support is provided individually to a child. As well as how much say or involvement a parent has with the school.

I apologise if this post comes across negative towards state schooling or that DS is deserving of a better education than any other child. It isnt. I have a child who went through something very traumatic that created this anxiety and I am just trying to support him the best that we can.

Any advice or suggestions? Thank you.

I think private schools are incomparably better than state schools, if you can afford it go private.

Do you really need to move to London? It sounds as though the school he is in is fantastic. Im not sure he have better school for his needs anywhere. Wouldn't moving away from it all and starting afresh be traumatic for him?

Hi @User27aw yes that is something we have thought about alot. The place we are in has a huge host of problems so we are looking to move. We are only possibly moving at the end of next year in any case.

You would have to do your homework on the schools, state or private you need to really establish which individual school would be the right one.
Some private schools here don’t provide well for extra needs children- no matter what they might promise! However state schools are often overwhelmed and children like yours can easily slip under the radar.

One problem you might face looking for a new school at age 5/6/7 is that the best schools will already be full especially state schools.

Might home education be another option to consider? It would allow you to tailor the social environment to your son's needs and ensure he is in situations which are just challenging enough without being overwhelming. You can be there to give him the coaching or reassurance he needs, as you will see exactly what is going on for him.

It has been a great solution for my daughter, who in some ways is like your son. She's 14 now and has a confidence I don't think she would have developed at school as she would have been under too much stress.

If you can afford it, and it sounds like you can, go private. If nothing else, you’ll at least be able for forge a different sort of relationship with the school as you’re paying for it.

Your DS sounds exactly like my middle child. Private sector absolutely, but you need the right school. Small classes, nurturing and where there’s a big emphasis on kindness. Where in London will you be going back to?

You have huge advantage in that you haven’t moved to London yet find the right private school and then find the right house nrarby

Could you hire an education consultant. They could help you identify a suitable school