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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Covid/ birth / dying

28 replies

Mummyto3GBG · 25/10/2020 10:42

Always been very anxious and had an irrational fear of dying and leaving my children motherless. Recently found out I’m pregnant, been worrying about lots of things (mainly about dying if I continue) but the latest is that all the hospital staff will have Covid and will be self isolating when I need a csection and they’ll be no one there to do it in June so I’ll just die. AIBU? I could do with some rational people who can help me come to my senses if I am being unreasonable 😖

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 25/10/2020 10:45

Sounds like anxiety talking. Must be really tough being Pg at the moment.

Rationally it's not going to happen. The staff will not all be self isolating and you won't be left to die. You know that.

Could you arrange to talk to your midwife? It sounds like you are having intrusive thoughts. Maybe your midwife might be able to recommend some talking therapy?

Kseniya · 25/10/2020 10:46

oh my god hold on! if I got it correctly, this is a terrible situation! I wish you the support of your loved ones! try not to be alone in your negative thoughts. try to break it all up. everything will be better! it always happens! you deserve good i believe

Original poster

Mummyto3GBG · 25/10/2020 10:56

I’ve spoken to a consultant about a couple of worries but not this one....it helped a little at the time but I’ve gone back to worrying...then when she mentioned she was retiring so wouldn’t be her doing my surgery, that then made me worry there would be no one to do it because of Covid 😖

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 25/10/2020 10:58

You need urgent medical advice on your anxiety. This is the third thread with a morbid anxiety of death in a few days.

I mean this kindly. Get help for this.

Moondust001 · 25/10/2020 11:12

@MatildaTheCat

You need urgent medical advice on your anxiety. This is the third thread with a morbid anxiety of death in a few days.

I mean this kindly. Get help for this.

I agree. OP, being blunt, but to be kind - your fear of death in this situation is beyond irrational. This is not routine anxiety, and you need to get help. I doubt very much that just telling you that you are being unreasonable is going to help you at all, because you are obviously creating dire scenarios for yourself, and no matter what anyone says, you won't hear it.

Heyahun · 25/10/2020 11:38

That’s so extreme - you need some serious help ASAP!
My First baby is due in feb ant I’ve never once had a thought even remotely like this.

It will never happen that there isn’t anyone available to do surgery Covid or not.

Original poster

Mummyto3GBG · 25/10/2020 11:42

I’m finding it so hard to know what to do, I’m literally thinking of every worst case scenario that could happen....the pregnancy was unplanned and I was advised not to have another baby After my last so I think I’m assuming if I carry on after what was said last time that I’m going to die 😖

OP posts:

Pesimistic · 25/10/2020 11:43

You already know how irrational that thought is.

RoseTintedAtuin · 25/10/2020 11:44

Please don’t worry about this. I believe most hospitals have put in place plans for situations like that such as shadow shifts (so surgeons who are isolating are covered by other surgeons of that speciality) as well as taking steps to minimise and transmission in hospitals. I am aware of several hospital doctors having caught COVID but almost all were caught at home from neighbours etc. and even in a disaster scenario they likely have cooperation with other hospitals so that your care will be protected. Speak to your consultant they should be able to put your mind at ease over this particular concern.

lrwe · 25/10/2020 11:45

@Mummyto3GBG

I had similar issues before having my third. After my second I had a total uterine rupture, while I could have a third it was risky.

I urge you to speak to your MW and try to access the perinatal mental health system in your trust for help with antenatal anxiety. I was referred through and it made the difference to my anxiety.

Bubblebox · 25/10/2020 11:46

I am in at the moment after my baby decided to come a bit earlier than expected. I was booked for an elective but had to have an emergency as my waters went.
My care has been amazing. Even better than pre covid when I had my first child.
The staff are working flat out but are so aware that this is a scary time for new mums and are going above and beyond to look after us.
This is your anxiety talking, as you know. Find some help for it before it ruins your experience of motherhood.

Redolent · 25/10/2020 11:50

It’s far by more likely that by June, a lot of hospital staff will be vaccinated for covid, rather than self-isolating due to having it.

PolarBearStrength · 25/10/2020 11:51

OP I’m a midwife. Even at the height of lockdown, we were fully staffed. We’ve had maybe three cases amongst maternity staff that I can think of. If there was a massive staffing crisis in your hospital, locum/agency staff would be hired or another hospital would take over the care of some patients. There are massive contingency plans for things like this, although hopefully they are completely unnecessary!

You do need get some help with this anxiety though as this level of worry does appear disproportionate.

Original poster

Mummyto3GBG · 25/10/2020 11:52

Thanks everyone I think I might have antenatal depression 😞

OP posts:

PolarBearStrength · 25/10/2020 11:58

There is likely a self-referral talking therapy (usually CBT) service in your area that you can self refer to. Please have a look. And talk to your midwife. PANDAS may be able to offer support too.

Meatshake · 25/10/2020 12:01

As someone who has been there... You need to ask to be referred to your perinatal mental health team. They're generally really nice and they're much better resourced than a lot of mental health teams.

PANDAs is a good charity, do you have a partner, friend or parent who can call on your behalf?

The thing is that when you rationalise this paranoia the next one will take it's place- you need to fix the disordered thinking from the root and treat the cause not the symptoms.

Mine tipped from being scared that bad things were going to happen to starting to think of suicide and killing my kids to spare them pain. At one point I didn't believe my kids were real. It's not good and I don't like to think about it now, but we survived and now we are happy.

It will be ok, you just need to access the most appropriate support. They don't judge and they've heard it all before. They won't take your kids either (my biggest fear)

Supertree · 25/10/2020 12:02

I think you really need some help with this, it would be good to mention it to your midwife and I believe there is mental health help available specifically for pregnant women.

I was told not to have another after my first. I remember the consultant kind of chasing me down the hall into the lift after I’d been discharged and telling me now important it was to remember this. I was very bemused and had no idea who she was as I had short term memory loss. I suppose that’s why she was trying to drum it into me! I had a second child eight years later and it was fine, still some complications but actually far better and less dangerous than my first. Just because you have been warned in the past doesn’t mean that the worst is guaranteed to happen next time. And I’m sure they’ll be keeping an extra close eye on you.

Meatshake · 25/10/2020 12:02

@Mummyto3GBG

Thanks everyone I think I might have antenatal depression 😞

It sounds similar to mine I must say. It's so common though, you aren't alone X

Trainchoose · 25/10/2020 12:13

I agree with others saying to let your MW know and to access the perinatal MH team

Ohdoleavemealone · 25/10/2020 12:16

My husband suffers like this and has started Cognitive behavioural therapy over the phone. His Gp referred him and it was very quick.

Would you speak to your GP?

Milknosugarthx · 25/10/2020 12:21

OP, I can fully understand your fears, I am similar as I have bad anxiety too. You know the fears are irrational but anxiety and paranoia take over and magnify everything. I fully get it. You're very brave and strong coming on here and being so honest with us but you need to access support asap. You will be fine, your baby will be fine. Keep us posted on here!

Original poster

Mummyto3GBG · 25/10/2020 12:43

Thanks everyone I will ring my Gp tomorrow, I can’t seem to shake the feeling off that something bad will happen And I’m worried about the children I have, Ive booked a termination already But I’m worried I’ll regret it as I always wanted 4 children and I’m also worried about terminating as I’ve read horror stories online. I’ve always been so happy about my previous pregnancies but they’ve been planned and I didn’t have the worry of being told not to have another then so I hadn’t even considered complications until I was signing my consent form and then that made me anxious but it was too late then it was the only way the baby was coming out. I don’t think it helps I know someone whos partner died in childbirth- I don’t know the circumstances and it was 50 years ago. Just feeling very helpless at the minute and my partner is starting to get annoyed with me, he was supportive at first and happy to go with what I wanted but now he thinks terminating would be better as it’s affecting my mental health so much carrying on

OP posts:

Yorkshirepudding1987 · 25/10/2020 12:52

I understand this is anxiety talking from your post but if it helps i had a planned section 5 weeks ago. We live in an area that has high numbers and was in local lockdown when I had the baby.

It was completely fine. The care was brilliant, probably better than when I had my last baby 3 years ago.

Even if an entire obstetric team got taken ill at the point you were going to have a section im pretty sure they will have back up plans.

Definitely speak to your GP or Midwife though.

lanthanum · 25/10/2020 13:10

" I know someone whos partner died in childbirth - it was 50 years ago"

Medicine and understanding of childbirth have improved massively since then; it's far less likely now. 50 years ago my PILs were told that DH would likely be a vegetable because he was prem; by the time DD came along the prognosis for a baby born that early was virtually the same as for full-term.

Advice not to have another does not mean "you'll die if you do"; it's often more a case of it might be a more difficult pregnancy or a longer recovery afterwards. They'll be monitoring you, and you'll be a priority if they have any worries.

CovidClara · 25/10/2020 13:15

I have covid. For most people it is nothing to worry about, it is like a mild cold.

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