To wonder how my mum can have such little self awareness?

[Rhine]

Just that really. DM has always been difficult and very unpredictable. Moody and sulky, but also extremely opinionated to the point of rudeness. She can’t accept anyone having a different opinion to that of her own and had upset and offended people in the past because of it.

Yesterday she got into an argument on Facebook with a neighbour over the Welsh lockdown. Effectively told them that it was only two weeks and they should ‘stop whinging’. Other people told DM she was out of order and she needs to pipe down, she won’t accept this because she’s ‘ entitled to an opinion’. Yes, and so is everyone else. A concept she doesn’t seem to grasp.

On top of this she claims she had a really bad day yesterday and felt ‘fed up’. But she ‘never moans’. My jaw hit the floor. She never fucking stops moaning, in fact I’ve never met who moans as much. She moaned constantly through the last lockdown ffs!

AIBU to wonder how she can lack such awareness with regards to her behaviour?

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

Exactly, Bandito. I feel very much for people who have lost a parent and are still feeling their loss. But (generally speaking) they have had a very different experience throughout their life - that’s why their relationship has been so different - and very often they have no conception of what it’s like to grow up with and try to maintain any kind of relationship with someone who isn’t just a bit selfish but meets the diagnostic definition of narcissistic.

[coldwinternightsbrrr]

@BanditoShipman

Bingo! I was just waiting for the ‘my parent is dead you should feel lucky yours is alive, I’d give anything to hear mine moaning!’

not every parent is great, yours may have been but ops is not!!

'Bingo'? How bloody rude!
My mother was far from perfect she was an alcoholic and heroin addict
But do you know what she was still my mum. Just be greatful to have a mother figure in your life who's only crime is being a bit of a 'narcissist' because she moans too much.

[vidalbaboon]

@TrembleLikeAFlower

Exactly, Bandito. I feel very much for people who have lost a parent and are still feeling their loss. But (generally speaking) they have had a very different experience throughout their life - that’s why their relationship has been so different - and very often they have no conception of what it’s like to grow up with and try to maintain any kind of relationship with someone who isn’t just a bit selfish but meets the diagnostic definition of narcissistic.

My mother told my violent ex my address when I left him after I specifically asked her not to. She didn't even like the guy!

She lived in a 3-bedroomed place alone and didn't offer me a room (which I would have paid her for). I stayed in a one-room with shared bathroom and kitchen instead. Come to think of it, I was probably better off that way.

One thing I can thank my mother for - resilience! Always had to handle everything alone. Never think of turning to her when life goes wrong.

[Rhine]

coldwinternights you are so bloody ignorant with regards to emotional abuse and neglect I don’t even know where to begin. So you had a nice, loving mother? Well bully for you, lots of us didn’t. Unless you have anything constructive to add don’t bother.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I hear you OP. My mum is the same. It is annoying and then it becomes ridiculous. Her DM was the same, I often wonder if they "inherit" these traits and see them as something that they have a "right" to after pandering to their own mums for so long.🤔

[Rhine]

Yeah it’s really hard. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life because of her,

[vidalbaboon]

@Rhine

Yeah it’s really hard. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life because of her,

Me too. Attracted abusers because I didn't see red flags. Grew up in a home festooned with red flags so it was familiar to me to be treated badly.

[vidalbaboon]

15 clips which remind me of her -

0_

[longwayoff]

Can I just suggest you stop engaging with these people? Shut them down or leave them to their monologue. You'll never change such entrenched behaviour so don't take part in it.

[coldwinternightsbrrr]

@Rhine

coldwinternights you are so bloody ignorant with regards to emotional abuse and neglect I don’t even know where to begin. So you had a nice, loving mother? Well bully for you, lots of us didn’t. Unless you have anything constructive to add don’t bother.

Not ignorant at all. What you have described in your opening post is not anyway abuse. It just sounds like you have a massive personality clash- something I have with my Nan in law. But you just have to learn to suck it up.
I never said I had a perfect mother. I had an alcoholic/heroin addict mother who left us when I was 12 for her dealer.
Believe me my Mum had some major faults. But at end of day she was still my Mum.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

But you just have to learn to suck it up.
No @coldwinternightsbrrr, the OP really doesn't and shouldn't.

[MorrisZapp]

This is my mum, absolutely. So familiar with the dynamic. My sister and I have a policy of 'respond to the words, not the faces'. So if I say 'is that ok with you mum?' and she responds with 'yes' then she can huff, puff and make sad faces as much as she likes. Silences will be ignored too.

Make her say the words. She knows she's wholly unreasonable but instead of admitting how selfish she is and that ideally every single person of her acquaintance should put her firmly in the centre of their own existence, all she has is eye rolls and 'hmmm' s.

Don't indulge it. Keep smiling. Be jolly.

[wigglerose]

My mum likes a good moan. My MIL never stops complaining. Everything she says is in a peevish tone of voice that is like nails on a blackboard for me, I'm afraid. In fact, when she's actually happy she SHUTS UP. She'll smile, say thanks and then be quiet.

[vidalbaboon]

@wigglerose

My mum likes a good moan. My MIL never stops complaining. Everything she says is in a peevish tone of voice that is like nails on a blackboard for me, I'm afraid. In fact, when she's actually happy she SHUTS UP. She'll smile, say thanks and then be quiet.

What does it take to get her to that stage?

[Soletsgotothepubearlierthen]

@coldwinternightsbrrr
Soletsgotothepubearlierthen
@coldwinternightsbrrr that only works if they're not disrespectful of you. Which OPs mum definitely is. Maybe you're the othervside of her dynamic and it's you who needs to learn to be more respectful to others?


My mother is dead. What I would give to hear her 'moan' again.
Seriously get a grip. Unless your mother has beaten, abused or neglected you in some way I don't see the problem in hearing them have a 'moan
As you say, you dont have exoerience of the persistent moaning that OP is describing. I rather think the point is that it is emotional neglect and at least some aspect of abuse going on if you look at the commonality on here. Just because you can't empathise doesn't mean it is true if some other people's experience.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I wish my mum would shut up when things are good. Unfortunately her way of coping with good times is to fuck them up and blame someone else.
Me, my siblings, my dad.

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

I think what often happens is that some people get so attached to the “woe is me” narrative that they can’t stop themselves finding fault - even if something is 99% marvellous they’ll focus on the 1% that isn’t, because that’s what fits that narrative.