How to deal with MIL Christmas presents?

[hulahoopqueen]

AIBU to ask how to deal with the mountain of stuff we end up with from MIL every year?
She is generous to a fault, and loves spoiling all of us, especially DS, her only grandchild.
However, every year between his birthday (early December) and Christmas, he ends up with about 15-20 presents from her, many of which last about 1-2 plays before they either break, or he gets bored of them. She works in a high street shop and picks all of the gifts up from there as she gets a discount.
I went in to see her the other day and she excitedly walked me round the shop pointing out all of the things she has put aside (not yet purchased) for DS so far - practically half the shop!
Is it unreasonable to think that for the money she spends, she could get DS something he actually will play with repeatedly, and that will last the test of time, rather than going for the novelty of presenting him with a pile of gifts that realistically he’ll forget about after around February?
I get on pretty well with her but we’re not exactly close.
Aghhhh. How do I tackle this? I really don’t want to relive last year, where we had an IKEA bag of stuff ready for the charity shop by summer because it just wasn’t getting played with, I hate to think of her wasting her money!
What would you do?

Find a bigger present he wants that her workplace stocks and ask her to specifically get him that instead of lots of smaller things?

Let her be. She obviously loves him and enjoys treating him. Let her get on with it. You can give anything to charity he doesn't use.
One day she won't be there to treat him and you'll miss it.

Tell her it will have to live at hers for when her grandchild visits.....

I think the best way is to bite the bullet and tell her honestly. Be direct, don’t leave room for ambiguity, but be kind. It comes from a good place. Although, your H should be the one doing it as it’s his mother. Even if he doesn’t care about the clutter, he should back you and take the lead on it.

I’ve been very direct with my family this year about it. All duly noted and respected. We don’t want to be inundated with toot.

I’m leaving it to my P to tell his family, though we’ll still wind up with sacks and sacks of grubby, broken second hand toys and torn clothes. My in laws use us a dumping ground for their kids’ old shit. It’s so annoying.

Get it said and then it’s done.

Let her be. It’s nice she wants to buy for you all and gives her pleasure. If it breaks throw it away. Siphon off an amount of the stuff before use and give to charity shops, the local prison visitor centre or regift for birthdays.

Alternatively get her excited about making shoeboxes - plenty of charities other than Samaritans Purse want them. Tell her you’re wanting to turn Christmas into a time of giving and want your son to understand the joy of giving. Get her to collect presents and then help him pack them up. It’s a nice way to divert.

Technically it's your DHs job to tackle her, but I know that doesn't always work.

@wowfudge's idea is excellent. If she won't go for that you've going to have a backup speech prepared saying DS really doesn't appreciate or need that many toys and it breaks your heart to see them go to waste. He'd much rather spend time playing with her/going to soft play/some other activity.

Can any of it be regifted as small birthday gifts for others? Unused

Ask a pass to something instead. The zoo or soft play or swimming lessons. She will need good notice to avoid her spending the cash on bits and bobs

@Porridgeoat that is actually a fantastic idea!!
@wowfudge that is a really good idea - I will keep an eye out :)
To those saying she can keep some stuff at hers - yes this isn’t a bad idea, he has one Friday a month at hers so it would definitely be good for him to say good play toys there.

*to have his play toys there

I'd let her carry on - but perhaps reserve a few things for when DC would like something different sometime in the following year. I wouldn't let DC play with everything all at once - I think if they have too many things they become a bit over-wrought and don't concentrate on a nice game with a few things.

@user1471462115

Tell her it will have to live at hers for when her grandchild visits.....

This. Start by thanking her for her kindness but telling her that you have too many toys at home so anything she buys will need to live at hers. I used to do this with loud/ bulky presents. Consistently, every time until they got the message. Maybe get DH to have a word on the side too?

Honestly, as someone whose DD has now lost all her grandparents quite young, I’d let her crack on. You can always regift the items or give them to charity shops and it makes her happy. It’s one way she shows how much she loves your DS, and that’s a very precious gift. You can easily work around the mountain of gifts and in the grand scheme of things she’s just being loving.

Does ds do a Santa list? Send a copy to mil.. Tell her this year you are concentrating on his wishes only .. Maybe she needs to sign up for a kids in need Xmas charity...

Yeah you will just have to accept you cant control others.

My sister hates people buying presents for her kids that aren't on the list she gave to everyone but she cant stop us. That's life.

Have you tried the too much plastic line? My MIL did the same years ago. She didn’t like waste so that was my line then . I am not suggesting wooden toys only just that cheap plastic toys are a waste for the environment as well as money . This issue is something that appears high on the agenda now for us women of a certain age so maybe a line to pursue more.

People want to do what they want.

Our pils ask us what dc want, we tell them but they won't buy if it's not something they like... Ie we told them we have electricity circuit kit and they spent 100 on one anyway. Its sat dusty.

Sil brought a book we already had. Etc.
It's such a waste.
I ended up doing what's been suggested.. Re gift and charity shops.

I heavily relied on charity shops for dc gifts when younger.. And appreciated new or nealry new stuff so it's not going to waste... It's wonderfully received by those of us who use charity shops.

@ssd

Let her be. She obviously loves him and enjoys treating him. Let her get on with it. You can give anything to charity he doesn't use. One day she won't be there to treat him and you'll miss it.

This! My MIL was the same with my DD but although a lot of it was naff rubbish? My DD loved Christmas Morning with all the gifts. She’s an adult now, and MIL is gone, and these are some of her fonder memories.

Op also, some mils do stuff like this as a control thing. It doesn't sound like this is the case.. She has those bonus of where she works.. I bet she's quite bored at work and this helps to entertain her! She's lost perspective..

If this was my Mil I wouldn't Rob her of the excitement... And just think how much pleasures her gifts will be getting from all sorts of dc.

However if she was someone short of money etc... I might gently try and row it in a little...

Your DC will only be small for a short amount of time so I’d let her have her fun for now until they’re too old to appreciate toys. She’s obviously just getting carried away with her employee discount.

My MIL buys tat from the charity shop for Christmas. Literally bags and bags of it and I have no issue with second hand stuff but the stuff she buys is honestly mostly just crap. She’s quite, shall we say eccentric, and turns up on Christmas morning dressed as Mrs Claus with bags and bags of crap for us all. The DC feign interest but last year an example of a present for them was a manky old Pudsey bear keyring, it was filthy!