I feel so drained

[M2AL]

Hi everyone . Aibu?

Dd is nearly nine months old and has always been an okay sleeper until the last few months.
Now she is up at least five times in the night for hours and hours at a fine. I’m exhausted as oh doesn’t get up with her in the night. He believes she’s in a routine so I settle her before bed and then he just assumes I will carry it on in the night. He either sleeps through it or is blatantly awake and pretends he can’t hear her. I love dd to bits and don’t mind getting up with her and being up all night I’m just starting to struggle with the tiredness every night and it’s getting me down. Oh works full time so I get up every morning early and let him relax with him coming down around 11 each day. I’m due to be going back to work three days a week as a nurse and I’m scared this will carry on when I’m working full time. I’ve spoke to him in the past about it and he says he doesn’t get her to sleep because she doesn’t settle. I’m just exhausted .aibu to tell him to get a grip and do more . Thank you

Yanbu, he needs to do more.

for you, you will be shattered. Any chance they might sleep better in your room?

@BefuddledPerson thanks for your reply dd is still in our room atm. We wanted to move her into her own room but it seemed pointless with her constantly waking . Her cot is next to my bed so I can just put her dummy in etc and go back to sleep. But she has been awake most of the night for a while now and then is clingy in the day

Yanbu sounds like he needs to learn to settle her too

My DD did this, but we realised it was the distraction of our room that was actually keeping her awake, once we put her in her own room from 7 months she was sleeping so much better
Goodluck op, I really do feel for you

You just need a fairer system then, alternate nights, or something.

Unsettled/clingy could be anything, like teething.

Good luck. I do remember the exhaustion

Why do you think she's waking? Thirsty, cold, needs a nappy change, woken up by noise or light?
Anyway if he doesn't help I'd just not work.

My youngest settled better away from us too, DH snores so loud that it was waking her, and then she was waking us.

Time to move her out and poke him when it's his turn. You either do all the night wakings or so the early starts on the weekend but not both, he should be taking one over so you can rest.
When you are working then he'll have to take his turns even more.

You would be surprised what moving into their own room could do to help.

I was in your situation and then we moved her into her own room and daddy took over settling all in one go. He rocked her to sleep in a rocking chair, first few nights were a bit tough but she got there.

We did it for a month then I took over some nights. She started sleeping a bit better and I had my evenings back.

Not to say it's the full answer as there are plenty of regressions and bumps a long the way and I still ended up having to sleep train and night wean at 20 months, then two months later we took a huge step backwards so need to begin again.

But it's worth trying to get your little one in her own room and get dad to settle at the same time. Tell him to put some earphones on, get a rocking chair and suck it up for three nights

I was in very similar situation and actually going back to work was the best thing for my husband to start playing his part. If all you are doing in the night is putting a dummy back in why can't he??!
I went back to work full time when my baby was 9 months old and as I started and finished at 7 he had to get the baby up and dressed and out to nursery and settled at night and it helped them bond and him realise how much I had been doing.

With my first I was very attachment parent and he was in my bed until 3 etc but with my second I let him moan a little (not full on cry) and at 8 months he is more than capable of finding his own dummy and settling himself off back to sleep. Having him in another room helps because he doesnt see me wake up when he does and hes not looking for interaction.

Yes I totally agree- move her into her own room and she will sleep better (and so will you). Put spare dummies in her cot so she can find one in the night.

Also, what is the reason for waking? You need to keep nighttime wake ups as boring as possible...dark, quiet, repeat “it’s sleeping time.”

Another one saying move to her own room. Start getting DH on board with a bedtime routine now in readiness for when you go back to work. You cannot continue the way you are.

Yes, put her in her own room. When she wakes be boring, no talking/ playing etc.
Teething maybe, or wind ?
Will she be going to nursery ? That might tire her out more.

Thanks everyone . She will be staying with my partner one and nursery for two. I’ve been contemplating her own room for a while . I think what was stopping me was atm she cries and I put her dummy in multiple times in the night . Once I’m up and out of bed I’m wide awake. Whereas at the minute her cot is right next to me

I used to line 5 dummies up above mine’s head. They would reach up for them when half awake, it was so cute !
When I heard the fifth one hit the floor I knew I was getting up !

Your partner needs to start stepping up now if he’s having her for a day, and you need to start leaving her with him now and popping out for a couple of hours so she gets used to you leaving.

Definitely put her in her own room. Could help loads.

Leave a load of dummies in the bed so she learns to find them herself. I used to leave about 7 so there was usually one in reach for that half awake stage where they gripe about for it.