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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House move - how far do you drive to school

40 replies

Horseradish01 · 24/10/2020 17:13

Cannot afford to buy in the area my kids are at school. School outstanding.
Don’t really have any other reason for staying in this area after marriage ending.

There’s other nice-ish areas that are fairly local (for child contact with their father) that I like/can afford to buy in but don’t want to upset kids by disrupting their schooling so thought about driving to school each day rather than changing schools.
Those of you who drive the school run, how far and long do you drive and how much of a nightmare is it to not be within walking distance? Do you get used to the drive?

OP posts:
CornedBeef451 · 24/10/2020 17:22

It depends how far really but we did a 40 minute commute each way for a year when we moved house and it was awkward but manageable.

I think you would soon get used to it, it's just a pain if you forget something!

FrostyGirl66 · 24/10/2020 17:27

I'm also in the same conundrum! Looking forward to more replies.

BarbiesWorld · 24/10/2020 18:01

Our drive is about 25 minutes but i always give around 35 just incase we hit a bit of traffic. Its no problem at all to be honest and is just part of the routine.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 24/10/2020 18:05

I think it depends on if you work and how far away it is as you dont want to be doing hours and hours of commuting and having concerns about being late

thenightsky · 24/10/2020 18:07

A few years ago now, but mine was a 20 min drive, but it was the half way point of my 40 min commute to work anyway. The only time it was a nightmare was when it snowed heavily (rural area and no gritting lorries).

PacificOcean · 24/10/2020 18:08

DS2 goes to a school about 20/25 mins away by car but it was on my way to/fro work so not too much trouble. Since lockdown I'm mainly wfh and the school run is a right pain!

NoSquirrels · 24/10/2020 18:12

Primary or secondary and how long will you need to do it for? Big difference between 3 years or 8-10 years...

Amammi · 24/10/2020 18:16

If you work in the afternoons the trip home after school could be tricky. Is there a alternative form of transport if you get delayed or if one child wants to stay late for sports and travel home separately.

Original poster
Horseradish01 · 24/10/2020 18:17

Thanks for reassuring comments so far. I was expecting the opposite!

@FrostyGirl66 it’s difficult isn’t it! Wouldn’t want a regret.

I work from home so wouldn’t have to worry about running late for the office.
Potential for kids to stay at their dads say Tues and Weds nights so then I’d need to only do the drive Mon, Tues and Fri mornings (not worried about after-school pick up) but he can be quite unreliable.

Does anyone resent or regret it?

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 24/10/2020 18:22

You’d also be committing to driving them to visit friends / parties and so on throughout the year. Also factor in Kids will want to hang out with their friends when they get older, not so easy if something organised at short notice / can’t just walk to their friends / hassle for the parents of friends to drop their kids to your house, etc.

LIZS · 24/10/2020 18:22

How old are dc? I found 25 minutes too much with a Reception/year 3. Do they all finish same time or would you be waiting around woth younger ones? Would public transport be an option later on? If your dc need to transfer to secondary would they necessarily get a place from your new home?

letmetakeyoudancing · 24/10/2020 18:25

I did a 30 minute drive for a year and I got fed up by the end of it. I also think it's nicer for DC to have friends close by if possible.

User24689 · 24/10/2020 18:28

We are in this situation. Moved to the city and lived in rented accommodation in catchment of best primary school in city. Very oversubscribed. We then couldn't afford to buy in area so moved to a village a 15 minute drive away. The village also has its own school so people do think we are a bit mad but the village school isn't as good and my v sensitive DD is happy at her school so it's a big risk to move her.

Pros:
she's in the best school we could get her into
The drive is absolutely no issue
She's happy

Cons:
I have to deal with school mums saying 'really?' everytime anyone asks where we live and going through the above justification.
Several of her friends parents don't drive so I have to pick and drop for playdates
I have a DS who I am crossing fingers will get in on sibling priority but it makes me nervous
I worry about secondary as she will have to go to the village secondary. It is an excellent school and better than the city option her classmates will go to, but she will have to leave them and that will be hard.

sadwithkiddies · 24/10/2020 18:34

mine sit on school bus for an hour.....longer from dads - but no way were they changing schools. so they do it. all their friends do it too so it is fairly normal here.

Original poster
Horseradish01 · 24/10/2020 18:37

I have a primary and secondary age.
Youngest i’d be happy to change schools to a local one as he’s not that keen on school so wouldn’t feel i’d be disrupting him. Eldest is year 8, has close friends and would feel the disruption of being moved I think. But could maybe get the (direct) train for year 11 maybe and travel themselves?
But wouldn’t be able to change the youngest school til the eldest could travel alone as can’t be in two places at once!

Friends plans/being local I hadn’t considered so thanks for pointing that out.

Are there things that can be done on the car journey (other than general chats) that would make the travel feel a bit less like a waste of time?

OP posts:
Bettina500 · 24/10/2020 18:48

I drive but it's only about ten minutes (roughly 4 miles each way.) The biggest problem is parking, it's a village school and parking is a real headache. Also you've got to always have a car available, so things like it being in for MOT or repairs would need to be worked around.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 24/10/2020 18:49

Any reason the eldest can't travel alone now?(beside public transport and Covid) Many secondary school children catch trains.

I do a 15min drive. Its only 2 miles. The other day traffic problems meant it took 40mins. DD1 was late. (DD2 just made it, she starts later at the moment).

Coasterfan · 24/10/2020 19:05

My daughter is at school in the city only about 4 miles away and in the traffic at that time of the morning it’s an hour round trip. I hate, detest and despise it and it has a massive impact on my mental health. However she is at an amazing school and there’s no other way of her getting there and I knew this when we applied and then accepted the place. It’s worth it for the school but I seriously hate it!!

Original poster
Horseradish01 · 24/10/2020 19:06

@Aroundtheworldin80moves I guess eldest could travel alone now? Hadn’t really considered an appropriate age for train journeys!
@Bettina500 parking ok at our school
@upthewolves thanks for your comments too.
Overall seems like commuting obviously isn’t anyone’s first choice, but isn’t horrendous either

OP posts:
Fuzzyspringroll · 24/10/2020 19:07

It takes us about 45 minutes. DS is in nursery. However, his school is independent and bilingual. (We live abroad.) It's the best option I can think of for him. The facilities are great and the staff seem lovely and caring.
Our local catchment school is on the same campus as the not-terribly-great secondary school. It would take him about 30 minutes to walk there, which is what most kids do here. His first language would be taught as a MFL from Year 5 only and even then I'd be worried about him developing any ability to actually read or write in English at a level I'd be happy with.
I work at his current school, so I'd have to drive there and back on a daily basis anyway, though. I'm likely to stay there for the next few years as well.

Coldwinds · 24/10/2020 19:09

20 mins each way. You get used to it. We set off a little early to miss the school rush so it’s a pretty easy drive

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 24/10/2020 19:10

Just to say you also need to factor in never lift sharing and the endless parties, play dates, sports etc which you will need to drop off and collect from and it will mean you are never in the right place.
I would try and stay local whilst kids are in school if you can.

This is from bitter personal experience of not living where my DC went to school.

Threeweirdsisters · 24/10/2020 19:11

We did the same and made the opposite decision - moved them to local school. We constantly say how glad we are to have moved them. Traffic is awful, getting worse and in lockdown we WFH anyway so a walk to school is so much nicer than a drive! Also local friends accessible and eldest now starting to be independent and walk home alone etc. Being local has big advantages especially in current times IME.

Plussizejumpsuit · 24/10/2020 19:32

@DillyDilly

You’d also be committing to driving them to visit friends / parties and so on throughout the year. Also factor in Kids will want to hang out with their friends when they get older, not so easy if something organised at short notice / can’t just walk to their friends / hassle for the parents of friends to drop their kids to your house, etc.
Yes this! We lived really far from our rural town secondary school. We didn't really see school friends outside of school because of this.
Elai1978 · 24/10/2020 19:44

It all depends how easy parking is I think. Ours is only 3/4mins but the parking’s easy.