Partner is bad with money

[Peach3s]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but welcome your take on things.

My partner is terrible with money and his wages never seem to last. He pays his share of the bills (rent, utilities) and then ploughs through the remainder at lightening speed leaving me to budget my money for the food shops / essentials for the rest of the month.

The thing that has brought this to a head today is something seemingly trivial. We needed something for the house and I found it online for a good price. This morning he announced he has bought one, I asked how much and he said £30 more than the one I showed him. It was exactly the same so a completely unnecessary over spend.

We've started buying Christmas presents for our DC and my DSC. I'll be staggering the cost (started in sep) but he's ordering everything all at once so he'll be skint again soon.

I never end up skint because I shop smart

AIBU to be irritated by this, or should I mind my own business so long as he's paying his share of the rent and bills?

On the one hand, if it's not affecting your finances directly, then it's his business.

But, on the other, I think it's important to have a partner who shares your values - otherwise you're on a hiding to nothing.

Does he not give a sum towards food shop and essentials and savings for Christmas/birthdays? If not he needs to when he's gets paid...

When he gets paid he transfers his half of the rent and bills. He has zero savings and isn't saving for Christmas, just splurge buying when he gets paid.

You mention that he pays his share of rent & utilities, but you then go on to say he leaves you having to budget for the food shop etc.

Does he contribue towards the food shop at all? Sorry if I've misunderstood.

He needs to be paying you a set amount on payday which can go towards the food shopping/grocery pot so it isn't all on you as that's not fair.

I would be annoyed that he's so bad with money, but not everyone is taught how to manage their money and is definitely something I had to learn in my 20's. Have you tried to help him set up a simple monthly budget on excel? He might be shocked to see all of his outgoings, and more inclined to look for good deals/plan ahead more.

If he was just your boyfriend, with no kids involved, I wouldn't be as concerned, but you have DC together, as well as DSC to consider, so it's important to get these things ironed out early in the relationship.

I had one of them and had to leave him. I'd be so careful about anything in joint liability.

And ffs do not ever marry him. Half of your savings will immediately become his.

What if he gave you his share of your average monthly food spend and any other predictable shared costs at the beginning of the month along with rent and bills? DH is terrible with money and that's what we do. It means setting budgets for things like Christmas presents rather than deciding what to buy then worrying about how to pay for it, but that's no bad thing.

Of course if you're not happy taking on the mental load of being the family accountant, or he feels like he shouldn't be responsible for these costs, then those are bigger problems. We agreed this years ago when I realised it was the least stressful option and it works for us but I know some people wouldn't want the responsibility.

If he's not contributing to food shopping etc I would getting rid. Hes an adult and should have his $hit together by now

He needs to also pay half of the budgeted costs for food, house stuff, occasions and emergency fund savings...

He can then splurge the rest without it impacting you! Why doesn't he accept he need to pay for food etc?

We have a system where we do the main food shop every Monday evenimg, because that's when I get the children's child benefit money.

Im good at budgeting and cook from scratch so can do a weeks shop for around 50-60 pounds, 30 of that is covered by the child benefit.

Because he knows the bulk of the food shopping is covered by that, he doesn't feel the need to budget for that himself.

I also have to do top up shops sometimes and I pay for all of that.

Just tell him he needs to put an extra £100 per month into the kitty to cover his share of the food shopping including top ups. Why can't you do this??

Honestly I couldn't live with someone so financially irresponsible...

So your spending your children's child benefit on food for him? Did I read that right?

@StephenBelafonte

So your spending your children's child benefit on food for him? Did I read that right?

I spend it on the family food shop.

That's not to say the children don't get everything they need, they do.

If they need new clothes, shoes, hair cuts etc that comes from our wages.

It just works for me to allocate that particular pot of money as the food shopping.

YANBU to be irritated but you do seem to be not understanding that he isn't paying his share of family/household bills because he isn't helping to cover the basics of food shopping as the CB doesn't cover it...

By default you are covering more of the joint costs whilst he pisses away money recklessly.

He should put more into the joint pot after he gets paid and then he has less to spend recklessly...

@RandomMess

YANBU to be irritated but you do seem to be not understanding that he isn't paying his share of family/household bills because he isn't helping to cover the basics of food shopping as the CB doesn't cover it...

By default you are covering more of the joint costs whilst he pisses away money recklessly.

He should put more into the joint pot after he gets paid and then he has less to spend recklessly...

This.

How much money do you both have spare after putting money into the joint pot?