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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend keeps breaking Covid rules

22 replies

Usernamqwerty · 23/10/2020 22:11

My friend had Covid back in April (positive antibody test). She lives alone. However, she meets regularly with her parents and sister (all live together) plus keeps meeting up with several other friends and not socially distancing. She also travelled out of area several times when this was not allowed, to parents' second home etc. We met up a couple of times for dinner when this was allowed, but now she's in a higher tier but I am not, but she asking to go out for dinner and doesn't understand it's not allowed! She keeps asking to meet up (including coming over to my house where I have young children) and has broken the COVID rules so many times, I am starting to get cheesed off!

However, I don't have any other friends I meet with regularly and am feeling lonely sometimes - these are the worst times to try and develop friendships 😔.

Aibu to just keep repeating the message? I do like my friend, but if loads of people start ignoring the rules, this is how it spreads!

OP posts:
Hercwasonaroll · 23/10/2020 22:12

To be honest I can see why she's happy going out etc considering she's had it. Chances of reinfection are tiny and putting your whole life on hold for something you already had is crazy.

CrappleUmble · 23/10/2020 22:16

Repeating what message? If it's that you don't want to go, you've not really got any alternative if she keeps asking you. If you mean the message that it isn't allowed, I don't think I would in your shoes.

MrsP2015 · 23/10/2020 22:17

One of my friends is in tier 2, and keeps asking to meet and I ended up saying I didn't feel comfortable because of the tier difference. She was ok with it. I had to just tell her as all the hints of
Is it allowed
Are you allowed to travel across tiers etc just didn't work.

She still travels across tiers.

CovidStoleTheRainbow · 23/10/2020 22:21

That's the risk of the positive antibody test.

People get a (possibly false? Who knows!) sense of security.

I don't blame her. It isn't right, but I can see why.

IdkickJilliansass · 23/10/2020 22:24

Let her do what she likes, really sit down and think why this bothers and affects you.

PotteringAlong · 24/10/2020 07:56

No, she does understand it’s not allowed but she lives alone and she’s lonely and she’s decided it’s worth the risk, especially having had it.

Just say no, no one is forcing you. It must be much easier to keep the rules in your house with all your human contact than in hers with no one.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 24/10/2020 07:59

You need to be firm and stick to your boundaries.

Florencex · 24/10/2020 08:05

Until very recently there were few areas with local restrictions and when were we not allowed to travel out of the area? Are you sure it is not you misunderstanding rules rather than her breaking them?

As she is now in Tier 2, you are correct she should not be meeting up with people unless they are in her support bubble? Do you know if she has one and would you be willing to be hers if she hasn’t.

This has been a lonely and difficult time for people living alone. You can say no to meeting up, but I think you could try and have a bit more empathy rather than “repeating messages” to her.

BritWifeinUSA · 24/10/2020 08:07

But no one is forcing anyone to do anything. You’re all adults. If you don’t want to meet up with her, don’t meet up with her. If you don’t want her to come to your house, don’t invite her to your house. If you want to stay inside, stay inside. If she wants to go out, leave her be. I would probably do the same as her, especially if I lived alone. We each weigh up the risks and nahe our own decisions.

Whatatoodoodle · 24/10/2020 08:07

Do you like her? Would you want to meet up with her normally?

BrightSunshineDay · 24/10/2020 08:08

If she lives alone she's allowed to bubble with another household, well it's allowed in Scotland where restrictions are tighter than tier 3. Doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 24/10/2020 08:10

You cant control what another adult does only your own actions. If you kept moaning at me I doubt I'd keep asking you .
Find another friend that is more like minded .

scubadive · 24/10/2020 08:14

Meet her outside, tell her you are not comfortable meeting inside as she is ina Niger tier but you would love to go for a walk. ( if this is allowed)

scubadive · 24/10/2020 08:15
  • higher tier
Schmexy · 24/10/2020 08:29

@Florencex Greater Manchester have been under local restrictions since July including advice to not travel out of the area, areas in Scotland have also been under stricter restrictions and some areas in the north east I believe but I’m not sure what they covered. Despite the way it is portrayed in the media atm not all areas of the country are experiencing changes as they enter new tiers- it’s the same shit with a new name.

nosswith · 24/10/2020 09:13

No is a complete sentence.

vanillandhoney · 24/10/2020 09:19

If you don't feel comfortable meeting up, don't meet up.

But I really can't get worked up about someone seeing their parents. I can't quite believe we've descended into a society has decided it's acceptable to snitch on people for visiting their mum for a coffee.

tactum · 24/10/2020 09:45

Tier 2 you can meet outside. Do this. There is no rule about tiers mixing afaik as long as you adhere to the higher tiers rules.
I am in tier 1 and met a friend in tier 2 this week for lunch outdoors.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/10/2020 10:17

Ive let a few friendships slide as they aren’t complying with the rules/laws and it’s made me realise there are sides to them i didn’t know were there or maybe it’s just magnified them.

Just keep saying no and decide how much the friendship is worth to you.

loulouljh · 24/10/2020 10:19

Let her do what she wants!! Poor woman lives on her own. It is not a crime to see her parents!!!! I would not actually want you as a friend if you could not see this. She is seeing her parents! Not going to a rave.

thevassal · 24/10/2020 14:02

if you are feeling lonely with your children and possibly a partner imagine how she feels living alone? Do you really expect her not to see anyone else at all for most of 2020? That's incredibly cruel, and not something I would wish on someone I deemed a friend!

Even in draconian can't-currently-buy-a-kettle-in-the-shops Wales single people are allowed to bubble with another household, and other posters have said similar in other areas of the UK so doesn't sound like seeing her family she is doing anything wrong at all!

Meet her if you want, don't if you don't, but don't go moaning at her it's because she's breaking "the rules" if you don't want her to decide it's not worth bothering - sounds like she's got plenty of other friends even if you don't.

BestOption · 24/10/2020 14:14

@loulouljh

Let her do what she wants!! Poor woman lives on her own. It is not a crime to see her parents!!!! I would not actually want you as a friend if you could not see this. She is seeing her parents! Not going to a rave.
Well, actually, in some areas, it IS a crime fir her to go into her parents house.

I live on my own. I have been in a friends house, for half an hour in the summer with all the doors & windows open. Socially distanced & inside an elderly relatives a few times delivering shopping & doing a couple of jobs she couldn't manage herself. She lives alone as well.

I know some people who live alone struggle, but this woman is all over the place, not just visiting her parents. Living alone is not a free pass to doing whatever the fuck you want & ignoring all the rules.

She should, at the very least, be respecting the OP's decision to abide by the rules.

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