To confront my friend about lying

[rumandbiscuits]

A friend messaged me recently asking if I was free on a certain day and if so did I want to meet. When the day came we were due to meet she messaged in the morning and asked if I wanted to go for a walk later that day (didn't say a time). I replied and said yes that was fine I was popping out for breakfast in the morning, invited her to come if she wanted but if not could meet her later in the day for a walk. She then didn't reply to me until 2pm and said she's sorry she hadn't replied sooner she has bad signal as was at her sisters house and was I free for a walk or did I want to rearrange? I replied and said that I was free for a walk and asked her if she was free at a certain time. Then I got radio silence for the rest of the day so come 8pm that day I messaged again and said 'I'm guessing we are rearranging then?' Again no reply and she didn't read the message (it was on what's app so I can see if it's been read).
This week I put a story up on my Instagram (rare thing for me to do) she watched the story and then messaged me to say sorry she hadn't been in touch she has lost all her numbers and her what's app has stopped working and again asked if I would like to meet this Friday (today) so again I agreed to meet and we arranged for the morning. I messaged her last night to check it was all still on and she replied and said she had a job interview today about an hour away at 10am but would meet me after that. I thought it was a bit strange for anyone to be having a job interview in person atm and also she didn't mention anything about it on Wednesday when she asked me if I was free and we had arranged to meet in the morning? I had said I wasn't free as busy this afternoon, so that was that.
I was telling a mutual friend today about the whole thing and how I thought it was strange and she has told me that she has been messaging her all week on what's app and they had even been talking this morning (which happened to be 10am onwards).
I realise this all sounds very juvenile but I'm just so confused as to why she has now arranged to meet me twice and then back out with lies. I really can't stand being lied to and I'm not sure whether to confront her or just keep my distance a little from now on?
Apologies for such a long post!!

As much as I’d love to confront, I’d probably just keep a distance.

To be honest I’d worry a bit about her telling such obvious lies - has she done this before?

@PardonMyFrancais

As much as I’d love to confront, I’d probably just keep a distance.

To be honest I’d worry a bit about her telling such obvious lies - has she done this before?

Yes she has got form for telling lies, sorry I should have said in my original post. We've been friends since school and I just assumed she had grown out of lying. She also suffers with MH issues and has told me previously she hears voices but refuses to go to the GP about it as they put her on medication which she says lowers her libido which she doesn't like. Again sorry for drip feeding.

Without knowing her-- could she have depression/anxiety? This sounds like stuff I do when I'm feeling bad, and I know others do too.

i think i'd be letting this friendship drift off tbh, sounds too much like hard work plus it wastes your time to keep being let down.

I think it comes down to what you'd hope to achieve by confronting her?
Do you just want her to admit she lied and apologise or for her to know that you realise she was lying? (for example)

Personally, i'd just let sleeping dogs lie and invest less time and effort into maintaining the friendship.

It's probably nothing nefarious, she just got caught up with something else / didn't fancy it anymore / forgot and then has tried to lie her way out of it because she thinks that her excuses will be less hurtful or make her look less lame. It's pretty juvenile in a "the dog ate my homework" kind of way.

A big confrontation seems OTT, but if you value the friendship in other ways you could gently explain to her that it's fine for her just to admit she has changed her mind and doesn't want to stick with a plan. How was the weather looking when she suddenly wasn't in touch about these walls? Hasn't been appealing walking weather for days where I am...

@AnnieMaul

I think it comes down to what you'd hope to achieve by confronting her? Do you just want her to admit she lied and apologise or for her to know that you realise she was lying? (for example)

Personally, i'd just let sleeping dogs lie and invest less time and effort into maintaining the friendship.

I think a bit of both. I just want her to respect me enough to not lie and be honest if she forgot to reply or was having a down day and didn't fancy it anymore. In my heart I think it's best for me to just leave it and keep my distance.

@SummerInSun

It's probably nothing nefarious, she just got caught up with something else / didn't fancy it anymore / forgot and then has tried to lie her way out of it because she thinks that her excuses will be less hurtful or make her look less lame. It's pretty juvenile in a "the dog ate my homework" kind of way.

A big confrontation seems OTT, but if you value the friendship in other ways you could gently explain to her that it's fine for her just to admit she has changed her mind and doesn't want to stick with a plan. How was the weather looking when she suddenly wasn't in touch about these walls? Hasn't been appealing walking weather for days where I am...

Yes I agree that's probably what happened. It's just awkward she's been caught out twice now. I can't remember now what the weather was like last Friday when we arranged the walk... I think it was just cold and overcast. I wouldn't be arranging a walk in the rain 🙈

It is frustrating, I would think either she is struggling in some way and wants to go a walk then can't. Or she felt a bit lazy last minute and ignored you then tried to dig her way out of being rude.

I would try not to hold it against her but I wouldn't make plans in advance again. More just "I am going a walk in the next 20 mins want to come?"

I can be like this at times, when im having a bit of an anxiety moment. It comes down to wanting to go and do something or meet friends etc but when it comes to it i just cant be arsed, as bad as that sounds. I work nights have 3 kids, when ive got nothing to do i enjoy doing nothing. I spend more time stressing about having to go and meet the friend than actually enjoying it

I'd ask how the interview went!

That's why it's best not to have friends

Well as shes not covered her tracks and been talking to mutual friend who has outed her I'd say something, if she gets hurt by it so what, shes lied about it and not very well. I'm in the camp of daying what you think, or asking out right, why mess about worrying if your going to upset them shes has been off with you so she obviously doesnt care so why should you