To throw my wedding dress away?

[Katieweasel]

I'm having a massive declutter before redecorating a couple of rooms. My wedding dress has been packed away in a pretty box on top of my wardrobe for the last 15 years. It's taking up space and I'm not sentimental about it. I was thinking of giving it to a charity shop but while it was beautiful, and very on trend back then, I can't imagine anyone would want to wear it now. It seems wasteful to throw it away. Any suggestions?

@PopcornFiend mine wasn't cleaned when I donated it to a charity that supports the families of stillborn babies. They assured me they'd just work cut out and discard any stained bits (chocolate cake fingerprints from my flower girl!) as there's so much fabric in a wedding dress it doesn't matter if they lose a bit.

My wedding dress 1st husband: Gave to a charity shop the day I left the country. I was still paying the fucking thing off! I was conned by my mother into getting a store card the day I bought the thing - I always planned to rent one but her and her mates in the shop strong armed me into buying. "Oh put it on the card and I'll help you pay it off" Never got a penny off her. I was earning £6K a year at the time and the damn thing was nearly £1K , the interest rate on the card was horrendous...I think it was nearly 25%...this was 30 years ago. I was only 20 and totally under my mother's thumb - a sure sign I had no business getting married in the first place!

2 and a half years later, marriage had gone tits up and I was going back to Oz. Long before the internet, no shop would give me even £5 pounds for it so I ended up giving it to the first charity shop I saw - which I think was the British Heart Foundation. They were so pleased and happy, said they would put in the front window. Wish I'd seen that.

Give it to a charity shop.

Another suggestion here for an amateur dramatic group. Also, any college or university offering fashion courses are usually pleased to take things like that so that they can use the material.

Have you thought about advertising on eBay?

I donated mine to a charity called Gift of a Wedding. The arrange weddings at very short notice for people with terminal illnesses.

I had mine in the loft for over 20 years. The still born baby charity weren't accepting so I donated mine to a local sewing group. They really loved having the material to work with.
My daughter was born 8 weeks before we married (had to move the wedding date as she was a due on the original date). I have the kept the lace dress she wore at the wedding and was later christened in so she can use it for her children if she wants to in future.
Her tastes, style and size are totally different so she wouldn't have wanted my dress.

@OchonAgusOchonO Agreed. To me, that phrase says 'Shhh, we mustn't talk about it' when really, it absolutely must be talked about.

@LG101

You can donate it to a charity for sleeping babies. They turn the wedding dresses into amazing little outfits for still born babies.

If I ever got rid of mine that’s what I would like to do with it

Lovely. x

Give it to charity. They can alter them.

I donated mine to Bonnie Babies, another charity that makes garments for stillborn babies. It was only a few months ago so they may still be taking donations.

I feel the same about the language around having a stillborn baby. My baby died, she wasn't sleeping.

I think what makes me feel uncomfortable is that it somehow signifies that people don't want to really see/speak about what actually happened which feels very isolating.

I'd recommend Oxfam over random charity shops, as Oxfam have specialist bridal shops (and one online), so they're much more likely to be able to sell it.

I used part of my as a christening gown for dd, made by MIL. That only used one panel and so there was enough to make a first communion dress for her when the time came. And the dressmaker I got to do that helped me to plan what to do with the rest. I ended up with a lovely dressy skirt that looks fabulous for smart occasions but not too wedding-y because it's just a skirt. Three lovely garments out of it which we can keep for a long time.

My Mum's wedding dress is still up in the attic. We try it on occasionally.

Pour fake blood all down the front and wear it on halloween accessorised with a plastic axe through the head.

Some hospice shops have specialised wedding dress shops.
I suggest you phone and ask local charity shops first as the quarantining of donations means that they may not have the space.

You could also try dress agencies or vintage shops.

My mum cut hers up to make angel costumes for my infant school nativity play! I always feel a bit guilty about that, but at the time I had no idea.

@Wotsitsarecheesy

My mum cut hers up to make angel costumes for my infant school nativity play! I always feel a bit guilty about that, but at the time I had no idea.

The benefits of a Catholic education: all the girls got to be angels in Year 3 by wearing their first communion dresses. Angel = Year 3, every time. Although since communions are in May, some needed taking out and letting down a bit by December.

[quote ViciousJackdaw]@OchonAgusOchonO Agreed. To me, that phrase says 'Shhh, we mustn't talk about it' when really, it absolutely must be talked about.[/quote]
Exactly.

@sosotired1

I feel the same about the language around having a stillborn baby. My baby died, she wasn't sleeping.

I think what makes me feel uncomfortable is that it somehow signifies that people don't want to really see/speak about what actually happened which feels very isolating.

It just shows the importance of language.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Just imagine a woman hunting through the thrift store trying to find something she can afford that makes her feel like a bride and stumbling upon your dress. Or a teenager who will dye it and turn it into her own masterpiece.

@sosotired1, sorry for your loss.

People have different ways of coping and it might be easier for people to use words/phrases like sleeping or passed away.

There are many reasons why people might not want to see or speak about it, one of them being the fear of upsetting the bereaved.

I can't imagine how devastating stillbirth is, and I'd be terrified of inadvertently offending someone, possibly you now - if I have I apologise.

@MikeUniformMike - People have different ways of coping and it might be easier for people to use words/phrases like sleeping or passed away.

It seems to me that it's only people who haven't experienced the loss who find it easier to use euphemisms like sleeping. Sleeping really minimises the death of a child.

There are many reasons why people might not want to see or speak about it, one of them being the fear of upsetting the bereaved.

Not speaking about it is likely to be more upsetting than speaking about it.

I can't imagine how devastating stillbirth is, and I'd be terrified of inadvertently offending someone, possibly you now - if I have I apologise.

For me, using twee euphemisms is a lot more offensive than addressing the loss directly. That said, I do give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that most people don't mean any harm and their heart is in the right place.

It seems to me that it's only people who haven't experienced the loss who find it easier to use euphemisms like sleeping. Sleeping really minimises the death of a child.
Absolutely.
The death of a baby is desperately sad. The loss of a baby in late pregnancy is desperately sad too.

There have been some high-profile losses that have raised awareness.

When I suffered a bereavement, I found myself saying 'passed away' as I couldn't use the word 'dead'. I don't know why, but I just couldn't use a word that was so stark.

@MikeUniformMike

When I suffered a bereavement, I found myself saying 'passed away' as I couldn't use the word 'dead'. I don't know why, but I just couldn't use a word that was so stark.

Passed away is a phrase that has been used to mean died for a long time. It doesn't really have another meaning, whereas sleeping does.

I agree.