To not want to visit my dsis because she has ocd

[greteld]

I know that OCD is shit. My dsis has it. I wish she didn't have it but I feel crap saying this but it makes her a really difficult person. She snaps at people, tells them to wash their hands, snaps at the kids. I am constantly on eggshells and it's not relaxing being around her as you don't know when she will go mad. Overall she's fine and I love her but I honestly feel I can't keep seeing her too often.

She's not like this with everyone. Just me and my mum - the "soft" ones in the family. She seems to rein it in with other people.

Yabu - I'm being an insensitive cow
Yanbu - it's totally understandable

'It's incredibly hard work for him to control it, so to be around someone who he trusts and for whom he doesn't have to fight it every single moment, is really valuable for him.'

^ I agree with this. Not saying it's okay and doesn't need addressing but I imagine it's that she feels particularly safe with you and your Mum and is more her true self.

CBT can be great but a 6-8 week course doesn't really touch it imo.

OP,

Your sister has her issue.

It is not your job to accept her being a nasty bully towards you to accommodate her issue.

Tell her that her behaviour is NOT acceptable and that if it continues there will be consequences.

Do not accept being a emotional punching bag for ANYONE.

Protect yourself.

She needs more therapy. CBT tends to treat the symptoms i.e teaching people to resist the urge to do their OCD behaviours. Perhaps this might help some people, but it did nothing for my DH.

We only got somewhere when we found a wonderful therapist who focused on the causes of his anxiety. He now doesn’t need to do OCD behaviour because he’s not trying to make his anxiety go away with some action. This is what OCD is. If you take away anxiety then you take away OCD.

Please encourage her to get more treatment, it’s an awful way to live. You need to find someone who really has experience of OCD and knows what they are doing. It will be expensive.

You & her mum are her safe people. She can be herself with you, so you will be seeing the full force of it. Of course you should tell her though that any abusive behaviour is unacceptable.

My DH was literally shocked when I told him he was being abusive, he didn’t realise. All he was focused on was the anxiety and fulfilling the OCD. So he was angry if I got in the way of him doing it, but then, he was also angry because he wanted me to do something to help him stop it.

It’s very much like being a drug addict - they will do anything to get the fix but are also desperate to stop and can’t.

Just an update. I'm not sure it went well.
She's saying I'm too sensitive and people say nasty things to each other and argue etc and just then get over it. They don't hold it against them. She then went onto tell me of instances of people we know who've has arguments and then who have been hurt and they got over it and it was all fine.

She says I'm also being really insensitive to her about the OCD. I know how hard she finds it but i can't seem to be supportive and understanding.

She's basically saying it's me being too over sensitive. The problem is me.

YANBU. You need to stop being soft and just walk out next time she snaps at you. It’s the only way she’ll learn. Your mum too.

I speak as my family’s scapegoat, OP

OP,
People who abuse others and get called out on it, often use the "you're too sensitive" line.

It translates into "I expect to be able to treat you like shit, you take it all the time, without complaint, and if you dare to challenge me, I will turn it all back on you, and call you sensitive".....AKA bullshit.

She does not get to treat you badly and get away with it.

Now, you step back.

You have told her you are not happy with how she behaves towards you, and she has told you deal with it.

Step away and take space.

If she asks why, tell her I told you I am not happy with the way you behave, you are blaming me, so I will give you lots of space.

Never accept being a punching bag for another person.

She needs to deal with her shit, without taking it out on you.

Stand your ground, because if you don't,either way your relationship is doomed.