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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Made to feel guilty that children don’t have really ‘play dates’

33 replies

marmite79 · 23/10/2020 15:18

Just that really. Obviously covid has made it more difficult but even before then it didn’t happen often.

DS has autism which makes it more difficult and he’s not really interested anyway. Dd only started school last year and didn’t have any play dates as such but we’d often see her friends at the local park etc. Then covid happened..

Dd’s teacher asked if we managed to do any play dates with her friends etc

I told her not really because of covid and we don’t know many people with young children. She seemed disappointed.

My children don’t have any cousins or anything as we are only ones to have kids so far.

She sees all her friends at school, she often sees them at the park. Is it really that bad she doesn’t have play dates?! Given the current times to?

What is she implying? That my daughter is going to miss out if she doesn’t?

DS’s closest friend has a mum who is extremely anxious about the virus so that won’t happen! She has another friend who lives on the street and sometimes we go for a walk with her.

My children are not able to play out alone.

I remember my mum always asking who I wanted around for tea. Honestly I didn’t want anyone around. I like my own company 🤦‍♀️ And hated going to other people’s houses. Still do!

Dd is very sociable. Has no issues with socialising so what’s the need of regular play dates?

OP posts:
DTIsOnlyForNow · 23/10/2020 18:23

A teacher, encouraging strangers to meet up and mingle in the middle of a worsening pandemic, is nothing but an interfering dickhead.

and unfriendly to the other mums (that’s not so ok

Newsflash; its actually totally ok to not make friends with total strangers you're only in the vicinity of because you happened to breed in the same school year.

jessstan1 · 23/10/2020 18:41

When the pandemic is over you'll find your daughter will invite friends and be invited. I doubt anyone is doing much of that at the moment. The teacher should not have said anything, it isn't her business.

flaviaritt · 23/10/2020 18:41

Are they cliquey, or are you disinterested/unapproachable/ can’t be bothered to facilitate an out of school social life for your dd?

How rude.

gingganggooleywotsit · 23/10/2020 20:42

Personally I really prioritised play dates when my dd was young. She was an only child until 9 though so it was important ti me that she got to play with lots of kids her own age.

Frestba · 23/10/2020 22:43

I'd wait until she wants to invite someone round. If they're struggling to make friends, 1 to 1 time can really help. But there is no rush with this sort of thing. Enjoy your time together. When she wants to, she'll let you know.

marmite79 · 24/10/2020 06:08

Thanks all. Interesting views. DD has mentioned play dates a few times but it just hasn’t happened. She was only in school for a term and a bit before covid happened.. don’t think play dates are ideal right now.

I don’t know why the teacher asked tbh. She does always ask quite intrusive questions. She asked recently if we go much as when she asks Dd what she does at the weekend Dd doesn’t really say much. Truth is we do loads at the weekend and in the school holidays covid allowing - just the 4 of us!

The parents really are very cliquey where I live. It’s a ‘close knit’ village and so bitchy too. The parents in my older child’s year groups are a lovely group of people despite DS having asd they are lovely. The parents in DD’s year groups aren’t so good (some are nice).

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 24/10/2020 17:10

Kids often don't like being asked questions, eg when asked what happened at school today they'll say, "Oh nothing", or other questions, "I don't know". A teacher should know that!

HelloDulling · 24/10/2020 18:08

@DTIsOnlyForNow

Would your daughter like play dates? That’s all that matters really

No it isn't. My daughter would like a pet elephant , they don't decide what they need or what they get.

OP your kid doesn't need "playdates". They were only invented a decade ago and are not something anyone actually needs.

You missed my point, which was that the teacher thinking the DD should be having play dates does not matter.

However, if the DD wants to have a friend over, she should be able to (in normal circs) unless there is a reason why not. Helping our kids develop their social skills is important, and if the DD is asking to have someone round after school, it’s because she’s hoping to develop that friendship, which is a really positive thing.

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