Sexualisation of kids

[Jadefeather7]

Is the amount of sexual exposure children receive from a young age something that worries you?

Some background- I grew up in a religious family and I am no longer religious. Growing up however the religious element sort of shielded me from getting involved in sex very early on because I was scared of my parents and thought sex was only allowed after marriage. At the age of 13 my best friend was in a relationship with a 19 year old and she lost her virginity to him. Most girls in my school were in sexual relationships from 13 but generally the guys were slightly younger too I think. Looking back on it now what happened with my best friend was wrong and I would now report anything like that if I become aware of it, but at the time I didn’t think much of it as all I knew was that it was ‘cool’ to have a boyfriend who you were having sex with. I wasn’t judgemental about it either despite my religious beliefs, I accepted that everyone had different beliefs and different lifestyles and didn’t make them immoral. I eventually lost my religious indoctrination and as a young adult I had a number of relationships and had sex before I got married, which I think is totally healthy and normal. However I still struggle with the idea children being exposed to sexual stuff and I feel like society forces children to become interested in becoming sexually active way too young eg when I hear about sexting at schools, very young girls twerking, men catcalling school girls (I found this really common growing up) etc. I was talking to my brother about losing my religious faith and he agreed with a lot of my objections to the religion that we were raised in but he asked me what I felt about the constant sexual objectification of women in mainstream society and how I feel about raising children around that.

I sometimes wonder why her this stuff just makes me uncomfortable because I was raised a certain way and despite what I think I haven’t fully shaken off my indoctrination? If you do feel that there is something wrong what do you to try to stop your children from becoming sexually active in their early teens and protecting girls from thinking their only self worth comes from how sexy they are in the age of instagram.

Apologies if I’ve said anything that offends anyone and for the fact that this might seem a little all over the place. I’m still trying to get my head around this subject.

@studychick81 Good to know I’m not the only one who worries. As parents we will obviously try our best to educate our kids that their value is in more than how they look or how sexy they are and that sex isn’t something for young children, but I do worry about how much influence I as a parent will have against all the external influences like the media and peers.

No it’s not just you, OP.

Children are exposed to inappropriate material far too early, and encouraged to behave in sexualised ways by our pornified society. Bad for them and their development/mental health.

More should be done to protect children and their childhood innocence.

I feel like we are pretty helpless to really make any changes so I suppose we can only hope that we succeed in educating our kids about this stuff

@Nottherealslimshady such a great comment there about teaching girls about self-esteem!
I remember feeling the pressure to lose my virginity, drinking and drugs at a young age. I do feel let down by my parents for not being more involved and almost "stricter" with me. But is there really any way to avoid such peer pressure...?

@Ohalrightthen while I sort of see your point about soft power (sex shouldn’t be Justin be something women “give” to men) , it is unfortunately true that sex carries much more risk to women and often less reward. More risk from:

1. STDs often affect women more (HPV, chlamidia) or are much more easy for women to catch from men than the other way round (HIV)
2. Pregnancy - women have to go through the physical effect of pregnancy/abortion and are usually the ones left holding the baby
3. Reputational risk is still a thing (it shouldn’t be but it is) and now there is revenge porn too
4. Actually being muredered/raped/pressured into doing things they don’t want. Also stealthing.

And there is less reward, certainly in casual relationships, because some men aren’t so fussed about making sure that happens especially in one night stands.

That sounds like I am anti-sex -I’m not at all!!! And I’m not really against people having one night stands if they want to. But there seems to be a pretense that the playing field is equal and it really isn’t. And especially when girls/women are in their teens and early twenties an idea that it’s liberated/healthy to be up for anything and everything and I don’t think that’s something that benefits them.

I am non religious,and absolutely despise the sexualization of girls, my daughter is 3 and already I see difference in clothes, boys : comfy warm tracksuit bottoms, girls skinny leggings, boys functional trainers girls pretty shoes that make tree climbing hard. It drives me nuts so as a result I but the warm comfy clothes she can have fun in. That's just a micro example but I believe children should be children

@Tsubasa1Thats what I wonder.. can that peer pressure really be resisted and is there anything parents can really do in that respect? I think if kids really want to do something they can find a way unless you don’t ever let them out of your sight! The only thing we can really do is try to make them not want it but that’s so tough. I don’t know if there’s stuff you felt your parents could have done?

Another question I wanted to ask is whether you say anything to your children about how they dress? I grew up with rules on dress as a child such as no skirts, bare arms etc. Now I enjoy being able to dress however I want. However I think I would feel a bit uncomfortable with obviously sexy clothes worn at a young age (pre16) eg crop tops and mini dresses. But then I wonder is that just me being prudish because of my upbringing or do others parents tell their kids that it isn’t appropriate to dress a certain way?

@Jadefeather7 I can remember being absolutely furious when I was about 12/13 because at the time stuff with the playboy logo on was super popular (bags, pencil cases, glasses, tops) and my mum wouldn’t let me have any - even though other girls were allowed e.g play boy pencil cases. When I got a bit older though I thought she was absolutely right. So I think it’s fine to have some boundaries especially for yo7ng teens. That said I think the reason matters (and how it’s communicated to them). So not if it’s “you could attract the wrong attention from boys dressed like that.

I’m also not sure if sexy is necessarily the right word to use in that context. But also are crop tops sexy? I think trying to define it by sexy is problematic because it is so open to interpretation (lots of people think school uniform is sexy ) and it’s easy to argue that something isn’t it’s just what everyone is wearing. Also, if you tell a young teenager something they are wearing is too sexy then

1. It is sort of sexualising them yourself
2. They are likely to think “great, now maybe Kyle (or whoever) will fancy me”. It’s not really a deterrent

@yetanothernamitynamechange I see where your coming from. How would you frame it when setting a boundary?

Ummmm, I don’t actually know... I remember my mum just saying “that’s not very appropriate “ but I don’t think that was necessarily the best way of handling it. You cant say that something is too old for them either because that just makes them want it more. Hmmmmm...

Yes totally agree about girls clothes too, I have a ds too and can totally relate to what you are saying, girls clothes are pink, glittery with bows and unicorns on and boys are dinosaurs and functional. I remember my dd wanted some paw petrol pants with the female character on but not pink and glittery, she's not into typical'girlie' things. I couldn't find any anywhere. The early gender stereotyping also drives me mad.

I think girls are taught from an early age through tv, social media, talk they must look pretty. My dd wanted to wear my heels and put make up on, when I asked her why she said she wanted to look pretty. She's 5. DH didn't help by saying it is for x boy in her class, I know he was joking but it's that casual sexualisation attitude I hate. I don't want me dd growing up like that.

I think the impracticality of clothing applies across the board for the entire female population. Either through over sexualisation, lack of comfort, etc etc.
Wearing a full face and head covering in the sweltering heat is hardly practical or comfortable is it? Makes don't do this. Neither is wearing tight fitting, cropped clothing. It's all for males and what they prefer.
Just look at the outpouring of disdain over leggings or Ugg boots, both of which women find comfortable and warm. I've heard lots of men saying they don't like seeing women wearing Ugg boots but why? What the he'll does it matter. If the wearing like a them then that's all that matters. Same with silly underwear. It's hard to find comfortable, good fitting, brad and knickers. So many thrush inducing bits of crap around.

I haven’t really thought too much about clothes choices to be honest, for me the concern is more about teaching impressionable young girls to resist peer pressure and media pressure to be sexy and be in a massive hurry to lose their virginity just to be ‘cool’.

@Jadefeather7

I haven’t really thought too much about clothes choices to be honest, for me the concern is more about teaching impressionable young girls to resist peer pressure and media pressure to be sexy and be in a massive hurry to lose their virginity just to be ‘cool’.

I think you're projecting, honestly.