To distance myself from this friend?

[Nimsy2020]

Hi
Firstly I want to say I’ve only known this girl for a matter of months. We met first time in passing without actually being introduced last year when I was with my ex but officially met again via Mush beginning of this year. This when we realised we crossed paths before. We met once in March right before lockdown and then just txted the rest of the time until July/August time we started meeting again after lockdown had lifted. She is a really nice girl but there’s a couple of things that I am starting to think now it’s best to make a distance.

First and foremost, it’s a connection to my ex who was emotionally abusive to me and this year I have been actively trying to cut ties with him to the point the police are now involved due to his harassment and just showing up to my house at night. She doesn’t speak to him directly, the connection is her husband that is a friend of his and they do see each other. Meaning info is passed on. Etc

Secondly her son has increasingly become quite hands on and physical with my daughter. They’re toddlers so I get it’s a phase and she does tell him off but he doesn’t listen. He bites (left marks so deep they didn’t go until the next day!) tries to scratch her face, pushes (last couple of times he pushed her very hard she fell to the floor) and also more recently smacking her head. These last few times I have had to say something to him myself.
I feel very uncomfortable telling off other people’s children especially when they do tell them as well but these last few times it’s really irritated me and I hate seeing my daughter getting hit. She’s never done anything like that to anyone (and she’s older than him) nor does she receive that behaviour from my other friends children of the same age :/ I don’t want her getting hurt and I don’t want her picking it up and then doing it to other children as well. Again I understand they’re young and probably going through a phase so I do feel bad that I’m actually considering this as a reason to distance. I just don’t want my little one exposed to that frequently you know?

Anyway I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable to distance myself from her for these reasons? I feel bad to because she hasn’t actually done anything wrong herself and is a nice girl but the hitting of my daughter is starting to grate on me which is just adding to my main reason that it’s a connection to my ex and I want to be free from him completely. Know what I mean?
Please tell me if I’m looking at this all wrong and can deal with it differently but please tell me kindly lol
Thank you x

This is your life. Spend it as you wish.

You can absolutely say that the children aren’t playing nicely so you’d rather not meet up for a while. Let the friendship die down. No need to ghost her or have a big drama.

This is a no brainer, your duty of care is to your daughter. I wouldn’t see her and if she’s asks, tell her why. If she doesn’t correct him you will just be the first in a long line of friends/ acquaintances that won’t bother socializing with her and her son.

You don’t owe her anything, step away if you want

@TestingTestingWonTooFree Yes that’s what I was thinking just let it die down. I couldn’t ghost her, that seems too mean.

Yes I would

I think I’d cool the friendship just based on the connection to your abusive ex alone. Or, be very careful about how much you talk about your private life and always assume she could innocently (or not) tell her DH. Up to you but I think I’d back away from this.

I’ve been there with a friend whose child kept attacking mine relentlessly from age 2 and his DM just looked on smiling endearingly at her DC. Another reason to cool the friendship if she does nothing to discipline her child - I wish I’d done that long before I actually did. Then again, most children go through a stage of anti-social behaviour to some degree and your DD will likely too - it’s all in how parents handle it as to whether people want their DC around yours.

It's fine. You're not obliged to persist with a connection.

She's repeating info to her DH which gets back to your ex. How many of us have partners who are enthralled to hear the ins and outs of our mates and what they are up to? I really doubt that's innocent and accidental.

@Lookingbackatme Yeah my main reason is cos of my ex and I have considered trying to withhold information but she tends to take photos of my daughter and her son which I know her husband could get hold of and potentially pass on. Not only that my ex knows what park we used to go to a lot as the last few times he came knocking he’s been asking why I hadn’t been to that park as he’d been going hoping I was there. I think this is because she tells her husband we’ve taken the kids there a few times innocently of course I know she’s just telling her husband what she’s been doing etc but then that’s told to ex.
I haven’t been to that park since cos I‘m scared I’ll cross paths with him

@Thelnebriati You have a good point

Thanks everyone for your replies. It has helped x