Career help please MN-I've got myself in a right quandry

[CareerFuckerUpper]

First World Problem alert, I feel like I've made a mess of my career and I don't know what to do at all. If relevant, I've spent the last few years in a horrible relationship and I feel now I can concentrate on me, I am not able to-making really stupid,impulsive decisions seems to be my forte now.

I've name changed because I really need advice so I will include all details, and this will be long because I don't want to drip feed, sorry.

I am a qualified counsellor. When I first qualified I was working for the police, job share while I studied, answering the calls in the contact centre. I loved my job and once I'd qualified I stayed there, offering to counsel police officers (they had a scheme for this, and seemed interested but nothing came of it) and applying to assist with MH services within the police in different ways, again none came to fruition.

I then left and went to a job working on immediate counselling support helplines for an EAP provider. I did the training and stayed for a few weeks and I HATED it. I think I found that the company seemed so money-orientated and not client orientated, a definite 'corporate' organisation.It felt wrong to me, I felt having to not stay on the phone longer than a certain (short) time for example wasn't client-orientated, and I felt like I wasn't treating the callers well, so I left and went back to the police who thankfully had told me they'd always have me back. With the police I felt like I was helping people, I never was 'told off' for staying on the phone to people too long, I could help and a lot of MH related calls came through always so it wasn't so much different really. I was still in a bit of a situation with my ex at this point (young children involved) but this has calmed now and I can concentrate on myself.

The only thing that I LOVED about that job was the hours. I did 3 12 hour nights. I love working nights, and that is the right number of hours for me.

Anyway, I was very grateful to the police to take me back, but once I had been back for some time I had to go fulltime for various irrelevant reasons and here things changed. I was pulled up on things I was previously praised for, put under tuition, told I was doing things wrong that previously nobody had told me I did wrong. I also felt a bit bullied by one particular manager-nothing major, at all-but not things that made me happy and not how I had felt about the job before.

I also hate the fulltime hours which are something like 7 on 5 off. I am exhausted and feel I have no life at all. The shifts changing from earlies to lates are hard on me and on very early shifts I am useless-I am a night person.

Anyway, I applied for a promotion to a job in the same sort of thing but more advanced. And I got it. I start training for it next week. They've already invested in my training a bit but the official course begins next week and I feel like I just don't want to be there any longer and I can't do the fulltime hours they want from me. I could apply to change to set hours, but they really don't like you doing that, it is jobshare or fulltime, period. Occasionally they accept set hours but it is usually exceptional circumstances.

I also feel like I am wasting my counselling qualification. I have PHD I have never really used either and now the last thing I want to do is waste another qualification. If I leave it too long, nobody will employ me as a counsellor.

I have seen a job advertised, 30 hours a week, counselling (not immediate EAP type counselling 'real' counselling. I am so tempted to go for it. I am in the North-East and these jobs are so few and far between. I just feel so bad about leaving and going back and then applying to be promoted-my manager jumped through a lot of hoops to get me that promotion and I would feel I was really letting her down to be sort of saying 'yeh thanks for taking me back and promoting me, see ya' but I just know I cannot do these hours and be happy. After years of abusive relationships I want to be me, and be happy now. I can't go back to job share-can no longer afford to live on that.

Obviously applying for this job doesn't mean I will get it-but in future if something else comes along I will feel the exact same.

AIBU to ask what would you do in this situation, if you were me?

YABU-Get a grip, stay with the police they're a good employer and stable
YANBU-Follow what you're qualified to do with the hours you want

Apply.
If you get offered it, you can choose to stick with the police or move, but you will know much more about the organisation at that point.
If you dont apply that door closes.

The police may be a stable employer but to them you are literally just a number. Your manager will get over it. You know you can't do the hours. Dont force yourself out of some misplaced sense of loyalty. Do what you need to do to be happy. Youve got amazing qualifications behind you and using them makes you happy.
You would be doing yourself a disservice not to apply!

Good points, both of you. I don't want to sound like a martyr but I seriously haven't ever put mysefl first at all, in anything. I know I need to now. But, who applies for a promotion, gets it then leaves?

I have spent years raising other people's kids and not concentrating on my career because of other's, been a carer etc. I am struggling with this. I know a lot of people would just be ruthless but I find it so difficult.
I know my manager did fight my corner for the promotion and me and her are very close, used to go out together and go for days out pre-covid etc, it may make her look quite bad.

I have worked for the police for over 20 years.

In the nicest possible way they will not care. They may be mildly narked at the inconvenience. Then they will totally forget you ever applied. Do not get shoehorned into a job you know will break you so as not to upset anyone.
You tell them your circumstances have changed and you can no longer commit to the hours. Dont wait till the first day of training. Dont elaborate on your reasons. You can no longer do the hours.
I was suicidally unhappy in my job for years (not anymore thankfully), its not worth it.

Its hard but you will feel immeasurably better for a long time after a few days of discomfort. Trying to save yourself that short term discomfort now could lead to years of misery

But, who applies for a promotion, gets it then leaves?

Dont worry, you wont be alone in that. I have just been promoted to a job I dont want. I wouldnt have even accepted the job if it was offered to me... however they forgot to ring to offer it to me and sent an email to the whole department congratulating me on my promotion before I even knew about it . I'm only staying as long as I have to then I'll be moving.

Apply for the other job and see what happens. Being in a job you like makes life much better than being in a job you dislike.

Ah it sounds you are done working for the police. Loud and clear.
Apply for the other job and I really hope you get it.
I've learned that in work, no matter what organisation you work for, you're just a number and every employee can be replaced.

Please follow what suits YOU best.

piffy thank you. I hear you on all that. After a while I'll be a distant memory. The clique has annoyed me since being back.

lazy very true. Well I'm going to apply for it. And take things from there :)

Thank you twistered for the well wishes. I suppose I'm intelligent on paper and bliddy useless in real life

Definitely apply for the new thing - life is too short, the old job won't care

But if you don't get it, you should give the role you've just been promoted to a chance - you haven't even started training for it and it sounds like you've already written it off. Isn't it possible it could be a big improvement?

What are the hours of the potential new job - will they suit you?

I agree with PP, just apply for the job of you think it would be what you want. You can find out more information at the interview etc to make sure it will suit you. If you get it, you can make the decision.

Don’t feel guilty about it though - just make sure it’s right for you, so you don’t end up wanting to go back again.

@17thEarlOfOxford it will quite likely be an improvement in terms of work stress. It is the same hours though which is a big factor for me. I guess if I don't get an interview I'll give it a go at least until something else comes along.
@Shoppingwithmother it is 30 hours. Not sure over what. If it's over 5 days I'd maybe reconsider but if it is 3 or 4 days I'd be ecstatic to work that after being so mentally and physically exhausted with no time for myself. Even on days off I am too tired.

Don’t feel guilty about it though - just make sure it’s right for you, so you don’t end up wanting to go back again.

Yes very valid! They'd not take me back again
I do have a long established guilt complex.