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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toxic MIL help

16 replies

Cookiecrumbles2020 · 22/10/2020 14:03

Last week my ex husband managed to manipulate me into taking my baby to his mother’s house. She hasn’t seen or had contact with me or my baby since February. My ex demanded he take her to see his mother in her house for 10 mins so I waited outside in the car. Time was passing so I knocked the door and said baby needs to come home now. Ex MIL said are you not coming in and I said are you joking (I have serious issues with her and she is partly to blame for the breakdown of my marriage). She slammed the door and locked it with me standing outside and my baby in the house. I ran to the car to call the police and a few seconds later she shouted that baby was coming. My ex went mad at me for being so angry with her but I don’t believe I was wrong to be mad, it felt very threatening. AIBU? I firmly believe he should have sided with me, it was an awful way to behave.

OP posts:
WellyBootsAreYouFrom · 22/10/2020 14:05

Don't visit again. Cut all communication with his family, and keep any communication with him to the minimum.

Original poster
Cookiecrumbles2020 · 22/10/2020 14:06

Ex is trying to take me to court for custody of our baby even though he has issues with alcohol

OP posts:
SimplyPizza · 22/10/2020 14:10

If he’s your ex husband why would you have assumed he would side with you over his own mother?

If you ran to the car to call the police but you heard her shout out that the baby was coming surely you couldn’t have got more than a few steps away from the door before she told you that.

It probably felt threatening and I wouldn’t have liked it, or gone in either but if she asked you whether you were coming in and you said “are you joking?” did you expect her to leave the door wide open? I would have shut the door on you too.

Original poster
Cookiecrumbles2020 · 22/10/2020 14:11

No it’s the fact she locked the door with my child inside, not that she shut it.

OP posts:
SimplyPizza · 22/10/2020 14:15

@Cookiecrumbles2020

No it’s the fact she locked the door with my child inside, not that she shut it.
Yes I know, but if you were running to the car to call the police but you were able to hear her call out to you it suggests you couldn’t have got very far and it all took place in a matter of seconds. Seems a lot of drama for a very, very short window of time.
hunchicklove · 22/10/2020 14:16

Cut contact until you hear from his solicitor

EatDessertFirst · 22/10/2020 14:18

Say no in future. They can't manipulate you unless you let them surely? Go no contact until court.

All seems very shouty and dramatic over what should be a straightforward decision. Alcoholic father = see you in court.

WeeWelshWoman · 22/10/2020 14:23

Communication only between your solicitor and his solicitor. No more contact.

Original poster
Cookiecrumbles2020 · 22/10/2020 14:26

The solicitor agreement is supervised visits with me. I will ask someone else to sit in on any visits with me for support. My ex MIL used to control my ex and I’s finances without my consent and I have serious issues with her controlling and manipulative behaviour, never mind my ex’s problems. She minimised his drinking and told me to resolve “our” issues when I threw him out for finding vodka bottles filled with water in. Our baby’s room.

OP posts:
Meepmeeep · 22/10/2020 14:28

Is your child’s father not entitled to spend time with their own child and to then allow his family to see their grandchild?

Original poster
Cookiecrumbles2020 · 22/10/2020 14:31

When he is an alcoholic then no he is not permitted to that

OP posts:
Aprild25 · 22/10/2020 14:31

Oh this made my blood boil. I agree you should cut contact completely. I would be raging. How fucking dare she lock your baby inside.

Meepmeeep · 22/10/2020 14:36

So why bother spending time with him at all then? Ridiculous overreaction to a grandparent spending time with their child.

Original poster
Cookiecrumbles2020 · 22/10/2020 14:58

I don’t think it was a ridiculous overreaction from me? She locked the door in my face while I was asking for my baby back?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 22/10/2020 16:12

@Meepmeeep How about staying in character like the Roadrunner and you just run off into the sunset instead of antagonizing the OP with your ridiculous and goady questions?

Nottherealslimshady · 22/10/2020 20:27

Yeah just say no next time. Only he gas visitation rights so until he gets himself sorted and can have his child she cant see them. Maybe she'll be inclined to stop minimizing his issues

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