Feeling of shame/ failure

[Dreamylemon]

Name changed as I give away far too many details about myself on here in previous posts.

For background I work 4 days in as a hcp in an emotionally demanding job and have 2 young DC.

I feel like I'm failing at life and It's leaving me feeling ashamed. The sensible part of me knows life is demanding juggling a stressful job and 2 kids with no wider family support to get a breather.

I'm usually very realistic and kind to myself but I have this knot in my stomach which I can't shake off.

My house is a mess and I feel overwhelmed at work. The kids are hard work emotionally. I feel my colleagues think I'm the weak link in our team.

I don't know if it's the general state of the world which is also contributing -coronavirus, incompetent government, trump, climate change.etc.

I'm normally very rational but I cannot shake the feeling if shame/ failure off! Or AIBU and I should be ashamed of my inability to handle life/ work?

Hi lovely, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
Everyone feels this way at some point in their life. Stresses and our ability to cope ebb and surge constantly.
Do you have close friends you could call on to vent to? Or who would be happy to entertain the kids so you can tidy or have a chill? X

@mamamoonbeam thank you for your reply. I've been very bad at keeping in touch with friends and i think thats exactly what is needed!

You're welcome!

Please consider part time. I am a single parent and sole provider for my children. I spent many years fighting the stereotype, utterly determined that I would never have anyone say anything negative about me or my children. 4 years ago, my mum developed dementia and as an only child, it was down to me to handle. To cut the very long story short, something needed to give. I gave up my full time teaching job and went onto supply. It was scary financially but the freedom it gave me to handle everything I needed to handle was amazing and my life became so much more manageable. Whilst things have now settled, I refuse to work full time again - I have 4 days a week in a lovely school on contract and I make up the money with tutoring and exam marking. I am far more available than I was for my children and feel able to handle life generally. HTH.

I don't have much advice but I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I don't think you need to feel ashamed or like a failure. Could you talk to a therapist at all? I have done in the past and found it really helpful. Your mind can get stuck in thinking negative thoughts which aren't necessarily true. Would you feel the same about someone else whose house wasn't tidy, etc.?

Tbh I think most people feel like this at your stage of life, working and young children. In my experience it gets easier as your children get older.
If you then add in all of the Covid madness it would be odd if you didn’t feel strange and unsettled.
Be kind to yourself and remember this too will pass.

It makes me feel better to know it's not only me feeling this way at this stage of life.

@enough I am part-time and still struggling! I work long days with a commute. I think that is part of the problem though- both me and the kids are exhausted on the work days and It's not a pleasant bed time!

I remembered starting this thread and found it again 18months later and thought it might be interesting to update.

I know longer feel ashamed or a failure- I can see my job is set up in a way which is unsustainable. My colleagues are all as stressed as I am and several have been off on long term sick leave with stress, or left. At least it's now recognised. I felt I was the only one feeling this way at the time. So don't suffer in silence if you are feeling this way - speak out!