To ask you dd move from an OK /gd school, to an excellent school in lovely location etc. Age 13 and how wld you persuade?

[TheHouseonHauntedHill]

Wwyd? Have you moved a child, or been a moves child?. I'm not sure how to do go about it.. Dd isn't thriving at school, she's not made great progress finding new friends, and still has her primary cohort who she's not clicking with either. The did no bonding actives at all in year 7.

Over all her current school is OK. She will do well there. But she will do well anywhere. Her life at the moment is very narrow in that it's a small town, walk through bland suberban town.. All girls too.

Or I have an opportunity to get her into a an exceptional school in a a beautiful village, she would have to get public transport but its direct and easy and loads of dc use it. The year she is going in would have special settling in so opportunity to make friend.

Wonderful place to socialise and meet friends when she's slightly older.
It would open up her world I know it would.. Academically it's faultless and leagues above others in the area, over lock down they were teaching on line after the 2 days! Her current school gave out work via pp, poor communication from teachers.

There is an amazing creative side to the school as well, which currently her school now lacks.

It's also in a beautiful old building and site, oozing history..
I have an idea she wouldn't want to move but I remember not wanting to move schools at age 10. I cried etc and I know it was amazing move for me which worked within the 1st week.

What would you do? Settle for mediocrity in over all schools and friends or take leap.
If you think it's the right move how would you persuade your dd?

• hard I disagree.

She doesn't socialise currently with friends in the town but also I had same as you and geographical friends all over, and I loved going to different places to visit them, stay at their houses... I had a very wide social group in several villages and towns due to this.

My usual advice for kids struggling with friendships at school is to cultivate friends outside of school. Hard to do this at the moment! My DD goes to a fab Guide unit and an art club and has made some really lovely friends that way.

Beamur exactly... She did guides and ran out of steam with it, also it would be lol the same girls from primary and her current school... She's done brownies for years and I was hoping she would branch out.. But it's the same pool 😂. She chats and is sociable.... But they are not natural friends.

I had another idea for activity that would be very expensive... To open up friends but again, cornora has stopped us exploring that but...it would be expensive and the school I would like her to go too has this built in already... It's one of their specialities... So would have the activity for no cost!

I think you really need the right Leader and dynamic for the older end of Guides. The unit she goes to is unusually good I think! Plus the girls are drawn from lots of schools despite all living within a few miles of each other. If she would consider giving it another go, she could join a different group (for the very reasons you've described). We've had a girl join our Rangers unit from another because that unit was a bit dull
I do sympathise and hope you find the best path for your DD.

Do you have any idea why your DD struggles with friendships. Is it obvious? My friends DS was like this and he moved a couple of times. He still didn’t make any friends unfortunately.

Parents love their children so can struggle to see why their dc can have issues with mixing. My friends DS is arrogant and speaks down to people. She would always say what a lovely boy he was but he came across as completely condescending. My own DS is a bit too bossy and too competitive but I have told him to tone it down over the years.

Even if a town is pretty and not even remotely dangerous what is there for teens to do. On the mean streets of a dump of a town or for example the very beautiful streets of the twee place I grew up they can get offered drugs in both settings.

Does she have any passion? DS loves football and was in a team for ten years. He then joined cadets, it’s perfect for him and he has been fast tracked promoted to the highest rank. He had friends in school but the ones he shared an interest with have remained.

My DS was not thriving at his state school age 11 - we sent him to a private school for dyslexic children . He was not happy at school so all he asked for was an electric guitar as compensation . He left with excellent GCSE’s went to a state 6 th form and got a first class degree from uni . It was amazing for his confidence and achievements , the only down side was not having many local friends like his siblings and he now lives in a different city as he is less attached to his home town .

Are you going to move house to the village this school is in? Because if not her roots are likely to stay where you live. I went to a school across the other side of my (large) city. There really was excellent public transport - one bus every 10/15 minutes direct from my road to the school. My roots were always where I lived. I did make friends in my school but actually they gravitated to where I lived - it was closer to town and their parents were scared of town so didn't like them going alone, mine were more laid back and realistic.
Busing a kid to a school doesnt automatically mean they see that as their home - I was very much treated like an outsider because I didnt live there and didnt go to primary school with my classmates. It wasnt a terrible experience but my "roots" never changed, if anything they were strengthened by the experience.

If your town is that bad, I'd be looking to move rather than just move her school. Switching the school won't make her have roots in a pretty village. It doesn't sound like the school is really the problem.

Personally I wouldn't move her in the circumstances you describe where she's doing well. Getting the bus to school sucked for me and a school building oozing with history wouldn't be anywhere on my list of priorities. It does sound tinged with fantasy, when secondary school can be tough wherever you are so if she's not actually having problems and it's really all grass is greener conjecture, I'd stay put.

Interesting points - thank you all.

I think "roots" was the wrong word - I guess I mean open her social life up and have friends from the area rather than our narrow area around the school.

I can't say too much about the town as it would be outing but without sounding too saccharine it really is the difference between privet drive and Hogwarts - town wise. There is loads and loads for her to do with her "new " friends there.

Re the Private school Primadonna1 - if I could send her to one I would in a flash.

@Pinkdelight3

If your town is that bad, I'd be looking to move rather than just move her school. Switching the school won't make her have roots in a pretty village. It doesn't sound like the school is really the problem.

Personally I wouldn't move her in the circumstances you describe where she's doing well. Getting the bus to school sucked for me and a school building oozing with history wouldn't be anywhere on my list of priorities. It does sound tinged with fantasy, when secondary school can be tough wherever you are so if she's not actually having problems and it's really all grass is greener conjecture, I'd stay put.

I think this is a fair point. It sounds as though your issue is really with the town where you live, and you see the school primarily as a means of having your daughter spend time in places you consider 'nicer', rather than because the school is a lot better academically.

A pp asked whether lots of other people who live in your town (which I'm imagining as Nuneaton, though I realise you haven't said) send their children to this lovely nearby school, and if they don't, why not? And if they do, won't that mean that you daughter is still socialising with children from your town, who will come home in the evenings and hang around in your town?

And I realise you said that some tragic circumstances brought you to live in your current town, but can't you move? You also seem to say contradictory things about your town -- at the beginning you said it was 'bland' and 'suburban', and only in later posts do you say in fact it's unsafe and violent...?

MilkandWater, Bland and suburban to live in generally - from a teen socializing - from an early teen going to MacDonald's.. to later teens "going out" unsafe.

Children go to all sorts of places from here in a reasonable radius, her current school had an epiphany a few years ago - its certainly academically good but unfortunately the wheels came off during lock down, the provision was woeful etc, in fact she has just gone down a math band for the first time ever. We are also - before lock down starting to see teacher retention issues and meringues about it.

OP I did go private but I do the monthly school fees plan which is a bit like having another mortgage but way easier to do than a big term based cost. Her school is actually quite reasonable cost wise.

I also moved to the country when she was younger as I hated the environment in London so I'm now in a country town but still ended up moving her to a different secondary school.

It's such a difficult balance but I do hope you find the right way forward that gives your daughter the best opportunity you can

I'm going to assume you are not originally from this country? You talk a lot like my Russian friend who values aesthetics over everything. I admit I find it odd to hear a grown up being so obsessed with how pretty an area is - your daughter is 13 not 75.

Arf, wank, and that's all you've taken from my op!

It's the whole holistic view!
It's outstanding academically, has excellent pastoral support, brilliant extra curriculum stuff.. Expert in one of my dds interests, offers more interests... Is accadmic but also fun... And to boot.. Will open up her wider social life.. Friends.. And all in a nicer setting and open up her life.

It's just persuading her that!

ooops I am so sorry Wannakisstheteacher I was on my phone and I thought the beginning of your name is wank - sorry!

Wannakisstheteacher

Also it does not surprise me at all that someone from a former communist country with their monolithic brutal buildings is obsessed with aesthetics!

So you aren't actually planning on moving house then ? You have spoken a lot about your town which you dislike and then this lovely village so I assumed you were planning on moving house .

No I'm sorry I can't see anything about the set up you are describing that is likely to appeal to a 13 year old . She lives in a town but will have to travel by public transport to village to her school ? Presumably the pupils at her school currently all live within the town so it would be fairly easy for her to get to meet her friends independently (or when she's a bit older ). It will be harder for her to have any out of school hours friendships if it is relying on country buses or a lift from her mum .

Also the thing about the building - when I was at school I went to a very modern comprehensive. I was so relieved I didn't live half a mile in the other direction as I would have had to have gone to the old grammar school , I now see as a beautiful building , but it terrified me as a child . Projecting a bit here !! But don't assume what you see as a lovely building will mean a lot to your DD.

All you can do is chat to her about it , visit the school with your daughter , is there anyway she can chat to any of the current pupils there ? At 13 though, unless she is obviously failing or unhappy in her current environment I wouldn't push a move on her that she doesn't want .

FWIW I do prefer co-Ed schools but some girls do thrive better in an all girls environment.

I would love to move but with the current uncertainly its not an option right now but if we did move its certainly that area we would be looking at .