12 year old capabilities

[LesleyA]

Hi all

I am interested to know what you all think 12 year old girls should be doing for themselves (chores, life skills). I’m having to repeatedly tell my daughter to pick up her towel off the floor, has she got this or that for school. She has ADHD so I know following instructions is hard but surely she should be thinking for herself. So im wondering if I’m being harsh as it feels like im nagging all the time and all the obvious things that I tell her everyday. I’m also wondering if I baby her in ways.
Thoughts?

My DD with dyspraxia needed a lot more help with organisation right up until age 16/17+.

You'll get loads of people on here saying their 9yo cooks a 3 course dinner, organises the household shop, etc.

I don't know anything about ADHD so don't know what is possible.
A question to ask yourself - if it is something they care a lot about (e.g. remembering their phone?) can they do it?

We had to scaffold way later than most of MN seems to need, but DD got there in the end.

Some checklists / visual cues might help perhaps?

I find myself thinking the same.

My DD12 (suspected ADHD) is very similar. I have to remind her daily to clean her teeth, put her towel back in the bathroom, hang up her blazer ready for the next day, put her water bottle in the kitchen to be washed up... my second DD (10) is super-organised and is often the one reminding me to do things!

I'm not overly concerned about DD1 though, despite the above. She is trying really hard, she is gradually becoming more organised, and she's sensible about allowing me to support her in areas where she still needs help. Her school have asked that all parents support their KS3 children in learning to organise themselves, so I think it's common for 11 or 12-year-olds to require guidance with managing their stuff while they are adjusting to the demands of secondary school, changing bodies and friendship dramas.

I was told with ADHD you have to reckon in executive function skills being that of a child 2/3 younger. So yes, I'd say that is normal. You need to teach her how to do this stuff, she won't just be able to "think about it".

We have 3 children, oldest has diagnosed ASD. Youngest possibly does as well. They are 19, 12 and 8.

The younger two empty their lunchboxes after school and if they have no homework they help to make lunch for the next day.

They also empty half the dishwasher each every other day. Eldest does it the other time.

All 3 put their stuff in the dishwasher and bring their nighttime drinks down.

All 3 strip their beds on Friday evening so we can remake.

12 year old likes cooking so will chuck a ready made pizza or pasta in. She sometimes needs help to serve. It's only good for the two youngest though.

They both pack their bags ready for the next day and grab lunchboxes in the morning.

Occasionally in the holidays they will tidy, hoover and polish their rooms. Usually takes threats!

They also put their washing away once a week or so.

Sound slots but actually doesn't take long and we learnt from the eldest to play on their strengths and what they like doing.

The youngest will swap dishwasher duty with the others in exchange for not doing the dishwasher or hoovering