AIBU to ask what you think about when you are having a masssge?

[Mydarlingsleepthief]

I have just had a lovely 90 minutes Swedish massage today, but I find every time I have a massage I can’t stop thinking of ransoms things or jobs that need doing etc!

I try and empty my mind and enjoy the massage, but within a few minutes of doing that my mind wanders again!

Massages are expensive, I want to make the most of every second so how do I focus and enjoy?!

this is obviously lighthearted before anyone starts about first world problems etc

Mostly "don't fart, don't fart"

Same as in yoga class.

@Neron do many people fart during and what do you do? Seems a common worry so thought I'd ask if it's common and awkward or just an expected part of your job

I'm with you too, op.
I had a facial for the first time in years a few days ago. I just wanted to switch off and not think about anything...
My mind went EVERYWHERE. Past stuff, future stuff, present stuff... I would get my mind back to a blank space and it would start again... then I would also so what PP said, and be wondering what the time was... how much longer it was going to be, hoping I wouldn't fart or do something disgusting

Such a first world problem, but I totally understand you and others. Im so glad it's not just me!

Last time I had a massage was on holiday in Greece and all i could think about was either oh shit my paper knickers are going to fall off or lols at my mum on the next table over going "WHAT? WHAT? I'M DEAF" at the lady who was trying to be really calm and whispery and peaceful.

I only have sports massages so usually just “fucking hell that hurts” “when will it be over” “just relax your all tense”

@Notsurewhatsgoingon no farting I have had 1 male get an erection, but that was nothing to do with pleasure/sexual but a very normal response to tension relief, as is falling asleep/snoring or even farting. Said client didn't realise, I didn't acknowledge it. If you do something you may feel is embarrassing, we don't think anything of it, and to be honest, a lot of the time it won't even register with us

I flip between feeling mortified about my doughy body and thinking "they've seen it all before."
And trying not to fart.

My mind goes a million miles an hour at first, but I do feel relaxed, but then it calms down and I’m thinking about trying not to fart (due to being very relaxed!) then I seem to drop down a level again and almost drop off to sleep.

My wife got me one as a birthday present once.

I wasn't looking forward to it, but went and about 2 minutes in I was thinking "hurry up, I'm really not liking this". Never again!!

A relaxing one, I fall asleep every time. Then an raging when I wake up at the end cos I’ve missed it all.

Sports massage normally ow that fucking hurts! Had one yesterday and my hips feel all bruised. Had posture realignment too and it felt bloody brilliant after it

Had a lovely aromatherapy one once. Was so lovely and relaxing, all the thoughts in my mind just ebbed away; really emptied it. Then the tranquil music starting playing the theme from Poirot and I burst out laughing. All calm gone for a burton.

During my "maintenance" massage for a shoulder problem I'm usually trying not to cry/scream/vomit when her elbow digs in. (My massage therapist is amazing but reminds me of an old school Bond villain.) For a "spa" massage I get a bit anxious about how long it's taking. The last one I had, I asked the therapist if she minded if I left in my ear buds so I could listen to my audiobook . If she minded she was very polite about it.

This thread confirms my instincts that I would absolutely hate a massage

Glad I’m not alone, seems pretty common!

I totally relate to being pissed off at falling asleep and missing it

I generally get pleasant thoughts, but I rarely go for body massage, more the indian head massage. I get ASMR, and the head massage (and facials) really triggers this. I get a head massage or facial a couple of times a year, so it's an easy gift for my /dc to give me.

How are you all falling asleep during massages? I spend most of it cringing against the pain because it HURTS!

It shouldn’t hurt if it’s a relaxing massage @florentineAz!

@MotherForkinShirtBalls

During my "maintenance" massage for a shoulder problem I'm usually trying not to cry/scream/vomit when her elbow digs in. (My massage therapist is amazing but reminds me of an old school Bond villain.) For a "spa" massage I get a bit anxious about how long it's taking. The last one I had, I asked the therapist if she minded if I left in my ear buds so I could listen to my audiobook . If she minded she was very polite about it.

Audiobooks! You are a genius, I would love this.

It shouldn't hurt on a sports or deep tissue massage either (which is what I mainly do, plus oncology for people with or who've had cancer).
A good therapist works with the tissue, it's no good having a patient squirming in pain, and does more harm that good. Discomfort yes, but not pain. Pain does not equal gain

Not farting haha