To ditch this friend because her cheating and dumping it all on me

[BlazerHoles]

I know she’s a very unhappy lady and she’s doing this to self sabotage.

I speak to her almost every day. My friend had an affair abut 6 years ago and said it actually improved her marriage- her husband opened up then communicated blah blah- she’s gone through a very stressy 6 months and Has let slip that she’s been pursuing 2 men- both of which she’s been carrying on with online (sexting etc) and I feel it’s only a matter of time before she fucks up her life again.

She knows how triggering this for me- she won’t listen to me and I feel the only thing I can do (I don’t want to deal with the aftermath- when she gets found out) is ditch her and the friendship - guilt is stopping me right now as she has no family or friends close by and came very close to doing herself harm last time she had an episode-

I’ve asked her to speak to a counsellor (she says she had and it was a waste of time)

Tell her you don’t want to hear about it. Hang up or block her if she won’t listen. Also don’t contact her every day. That’s a LOT!

She rings me mostly

It’s hard not to ask what’s wrong when someone is hysterically crying on the phone .

Out of curiosity, why is this triggering for you OP ?

Personally, I'd try to be less available, when the inevitable happens, she will be pouring out even more onto you, so Yes I agree that distancing yourself is your only option.

She is being selfish,relying on you to unload on.
Tell her you cannot be involved anymore until she stops her affairs.
If she thinks you won't do it and continues to call then block her.be firm.you never know it might shock her into taking a look at her life and changing it for the better.

I would personally tell you’ve had enough of her selfish behaviour and you’re not her therapist and end the friendship. It’s not fair on you op.

She isn't being your friend currently, she's triggering you and crying about things that are her own doing.

You've been kind and caring for a long time to nurture a friendship but true friendships are equal and mutually kind and caring.

It is making you anxious and sad - your own mental health comes first, tell her she needs to talk to a counsellor and that you need space.

Don't answer the phone if you can't hang up once she's crying. Put yourself first.

If this is triggering some pain for you then you would be entirely justified in not answering her calls. Text her saying her choices are affecting your own health and you need space (or if it's too much just block her calls and move on). You really need to care for yourself before others x

I would just put her poor DH's POV.
When she is crying ask her how she thinks he will feel when he finds out she is cheating?
Cheaters always like to think of themselves as victims, pushed into situations because of circumstances and /or other ppls behaviour.

Are you being triggered because you were cheated on OP? If so I entirely understand where you are coming from. I chose to break off a friendship with someone who had watched the impact that my cheating ex had on me then went on to cheat on her husband and try to confide in me many times about it. :(