To ask how your relationship has been affected this year?

[mrsb00]

DH and I have struggled the last few months and I’m sure it’s due to lockdown. I lost my job due to Covid. I’m pregnant and stuck at home with a very naughty toddler. DH is WFH and stressed as he’s super busy and aren’t enough people in his team. I try my best to keep toddler out of his way all day so not to affect his work but honesty I’m completely done in, exhausted and have just offloaded on him about how I feel it’s so unfair that I’ve lost my job and found myself in a position I never wanted to be in (I know thousands of others have too, sorry, allow me my pity party). He came back basically saying I only have to look after one child, why is it so difficult, he helps as much as he can etc etc and I can’t help but think he feels his stress is more valid than mine because he’s currently the only one making money. I feel like he’s saying what I do at home isn’t important, even though I’ve not chosen to be a SAHM. His general attitude towards me has been shit lately too and I said if he can’t be civil towards me then don’t talk to me at all. I know this will blow over but I’m wondering if anyone else’s relationship has been strained over the last few months.

Also I found out I was made redundant 5 days after positive pregnancy test. Jobs suitable for pregnant women are few and far between although I am trying

You both have legitimate reasons for being stressed and both need to appreciate that. I'm not in a relationship but my relationship with DC has definitely suffered.

I'm not in a relationship but was pondering the question of the effect on relationships when I saw your post. I do know I wouldn't have survived lock down with a partner. I need my space and it would have been hell. I was already on the side of never living with someone again and lock down just confirmed it for me! I do have adult DC here but they have their rooms and I have mine, so easy for any one of us to get space when we want. Or come together in the living room/Kitchen if we want to.

You need to carve out some time for yourself somewhere, whether thats the odd evening or some time at the weekend.

Not at all because we don't live together and quite often do not work in the same country, so WhatsApp continues to be just fine.
I don't think either of us would have appreciated being cooped up together, for various reasons.
We have known one another 14 years, if that makes a difference!

Our sex life has severely dwindled due to the kids no longer going to sleepovers with friends and visiting relatives on the odd weekend. The kids are at an age where doing it whilst they are home is very tricky, so its not for lack of wanting, just lack of opportunity. I wouldn't say its negatively affected the relationship as we both understand the situation and make the most of the opportunities we can catch, but it can make me a little moody at times.

Socially, we are missing going out and about. We ate out most weekends, had weekends away and visited the pub frequently through the week. Its just meant we have had to be more openminded with our down time, so instead of going into the city for food and drinks we are now hiking and going nice drives.

Life is a little duller all round really but we are still happy, overall. We have both worked throughout, since the start - so, financially we haven't been massively affected which definitely helps prevent stress and resentment breeding.

We've been ok actually. One argument in 8 months so not too bad! The way we have coped is focussing on projects together (redoing our garden in May for example), carving out time to have our own space (every Thursday night he does a zoom call with mates and I disappear to bed to watch the TV I love and he hates for 3 hours!), getting into box sets in the evenings, running our home business together and pushing that forward (that's a sideline not our normal jobs).

To be honest though our circumstances are very different as I have two teenagers so the stresses are different and I don't have to worry about entertaining them much or tantrums!

Lots of arguments and very little else. Due to several things we're sort of stuck and a bit rudderless, I hadn't realised how horrible it feels to have no clear direction in life. We were directionless before the pandemic but that and possible job losses have just added another layer of complexity and we're slowly eating into our savings.

It's fine, have to pencil in some bonding sessions and stick to them but other than that we're ok.

However, my situation is totally different. We've worked throughout as normal, well it's been an increased income thing tbf and don't have any littlies.

It sounds as if this is a walk a mile in each others shoes thing OP and no time for your relationship bond. It's so important.

Our relationship has thrived. We’ve really enjoyed seeing each other more, and not having the pressures of being expected to go out socialising and visiting, etc.

We've been fine, no children though and both working so probably helps. Been odd seeing him all the time but on the whole good

Dh decided to wrap me up with cotton wool and I let him. Because I was tried after having a high maintenance baby in April. It feels weird and I’m an adult and baby has improved massively since I removed dairy from my diet. So next few months will differ.

I sympathise OP it sounds very difficult.

When I see posts like this I thank my lucky stars I don't live with my partner. I'm sure if I'd lived with my boyfriend one of us would have run for the hills if we'd been locked down together.

Aside from that, while you do both have valid reasons to be stressed, it strikes me that the way he is speaking to you is disrespectful and belittling of the role you play within the family.

You're right that this probably will blow over but I think you need to use this opportunity to make sure he understands how important and difficult the work you do is. Dont allow him to belittle this.

I'm sure its next to impossible now but this should really demonstrate how important it will be for you to get back into the workforce when you can as well.

Ours hasn’t really changed at all. We work together and spend pretty much all our time together too, so over lockdown and furlough we just carried on as normal.

It was great; 80% pay for mucking about watching films, cooking, walking, playing games, reading. We’re so used to being together all the time anyway we just loved it.

It’s been awful, really. Together 14 years and the first time we’ve been really close to splitting up.

We both run our own businesses and mine is now on the verge of bankruptcy. I have no work really and I’m hanging on by a thread.

Because I have very little work I’ve ended up looking after his (challenging at times) DC and was in with them 24/7 during lockdown. And I do all of the cooking and housework even though I’m still working PT and doing some of his work too. I’m constantly cleaning up after everyone else’s shit and apparently I have to accept that without question because he doesn’t want his DC living in at atmosphere and being told what to do (they don’t see their mother and he overcompensates in a Disney dad kind of way)

We spend no time together because he’s working all the time and moans about not getting any affection (I wonder why that is). I’ve become pissed off and stressed as a result and he’s stressed because of the hours he’s now having to work. Barely a week goes by when we don’t argue about something.

I think if we manage to get through the next few months, we will probably be able to deal with pretty much anything. Right now there is loads of pressure and no release - can’t go out, don’t really see friends that much anymore, three cancelled holidays and Christmas with hardly any money will be fairly crap too.

It’s shit.

Thanks to those who have shared and sorry it’s been awful for others too. Those who have seen their relationship strengthen, wow! DH has apologised for his comments and his attitude lately. Said he has no one else to take his moods out on (that’s nice) but he will do better

Both wfh on top of each other and being unable to do a lot of the fun activities and socialise in our wider group of friends and at outdoor gatherings has made things more challenging that's for sure. My mental health has gone down the swanny which probably makes me a nightmare to be around too!

On average we have probably got on better because we have actually been able to spend some time together which we don’t normally!

Is it lockdown or pregnancy causing your issues? When I was pregnant I was a hormonal wreck and couldn’t stand the sight of my poor DP. If I had been a spider I would have eaten him straight after mating 🤣

We're both at home every day and our relationship is great, of course, we have little niggles but no major rows or disagreements. We love being able to have lunch together every day, sneak a few minutes for a snog or a giggle.
We enjoy each others company a lot.

My husband pissed off three years ago to be with OW and sent me a horrible divorce petition accusing me of all kinds of crap - left with nothing as he was so sure his new life would be sweet and it was all in my name anyway and insisted I sign a clean break consent order as I was very ill when he left and in his words - he was going to make sure I wasn't able to sponge off him if my illness got worse.
Then coronavirus hit and he lost his new job, OW and has no money or home. He is living on benefits in a horrible bedsit.
I got better and got a fantastic new job and my life is sweet. I hear he regrets leaving bitterly and wants to come back and realises he can't get any money out of me because of the consent order.
Well isn't that tough shit. Should have thought of that before leaving.

This year has actually been great for us (sorry I don't want to brag, know it's been so hard for others) I work from home but off during lockdown, my partner was off work too. We spent really good, quality time together. We talked more, cooked together etc. Did things we often don't have time to do. He says he feels much closer to the kids now too. He did loads round the house, so that was great! We have now changed our lifestyle, make more time for family days out etc. We have even booked to get married next year. (No concerns over numbers, it will be just us). It's completely changed our relationship, for the better

It is affecting everyone's mental health. Well not everyone's.but god yes. There have been times this summer I thought what's the matter with me. I am such a shadow of the person I was a year ago. I'm having health issues anyway. So I don't feel my best. I am sure lockdown has triggered this too because it's messed my moods up and my periods are worse etc. So it's like a giant knock on affect.

I am a sahm and yes it's lonely. It can be boring. It can be a nightmare. I find walking and getting outside everyday is the best thing.even if it's just for twenty minutes. Days at home just get me down. I need the fresh air. Even if it means talking to neighbours And random people you meet on the way.

It's also hard being with your partner loads. So yes to that too.

Hang in there. It has to get better.

My relationship is better because I have actually seen DH more than usual. He would have had a few trips abroad and many to London by now. I am not someone that hates being alone I’m ok with my company but it’s been lovely having him around more.

DH and I are pretty boring people. We don't usually do much anyway (we love travelling and save our energy for that). Life has been good! We have our own spaces in the house (definitely a plus since he's wfh) and the kids are happy. We both work in London, so no commute has meant a slower pace for us all. We enjoy planning for the future and shall make a real fuss of Christmas and birthdays for DC this winter.

Most stress has been around clashing meetings for work and looking after the baby.

We're stable. In the middling years of parenting which are less intense than preganacy/ babies/ toddlers. I'm a SAHM and he's now WFH so there's not much fresh input. We are fortunate to be able to spread out so he can work quietly upstairs and I spend much of the day downstairs or out so we're not in each other's way which must be much more draining.

We now go out occasionally for a short walk so that we are doing something together away from the house and feeling like a couple again rather than always in the company of the DCs or him working.